The Student Room Group

White man,Indian women

Hello People,

Ive been with my hindu girlfriend for about a year now (in secret) and was just searching for hope that inter racial relationships can and do work.

We've had our ups and downs,mainly because we havent told her parents yet but it becomes quite a strain when you cant do the most simplist of things that people take for granted. Like walking in the park or going to the cinemas.

Anyway,any hope on this subject would be much appreciated or other people in similiar situations would make me feel so much better.

Thankyou

Matt

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Reply 1
well mine's not as bad as yours but i can't tell my parent about my relationship with my bf not coz he's white n i'm black but just coz she's practically forbidden the idea of a bf n there's the fact he's older...n it's harder coz i'm in boarding school so i don't think it's wise for him to be seen and i have to be back at certain times n stuff but i can understand what you're goinng through.sorry.loads of hugs.but my relationship works n altho it's got it's ups and downs like any normal relationship but it makes things we do nicer especially when we're together n can be free.hope things work out for u.it's not gonna be easy coz hindi's r really serious with their religions but enjoy what u've got
well my mum's white and my dad's indian. they've been married 20 years, and there still going strong.....

although my dad's family didnt like it at all and they wouldnt speak to him, they do now but the damage is done

there's no reason whatsoever for your relationship not to work. so long as you love each other nothing else should matter. :smile:
Reply 3
Thats nice to hear,but then again you have to consider that indian men have more authority than women.I hope it does work,i love her to bits
Reply 4
Solicitor_1abee
Hello People,

Ive been with my hindu girlfriend for about a year now (in secret) and was just searching for hope that inter racial relationships can and do work.

We've had our ups and downs,mainly because we havent told her parents yet but it becomes quite a strain when you cant do the most simplist of things that people take for granted. Like walking in the park or going to the cinemas.

Anyway,any hope on this subject would be much appreciated or other people in similiar situations would make me feel so much better.

Thankyou

Matt


I think her parents would understand if you told them, of course initially I presume it would be very difficult. I think most Indian parents tend to want their children to marry into their own culture in order to preserve it. They have nothing against people of other backgrounds. Most Indian parents don't mind dating between races/cultures I find, but obviously in your case they do.

In my opinion the best thing you can do it get it out in the open and tell your gf to tell her parents. Worst that could happen would be you two continuing being together secretly.
Reply 5
Do you tend to stick to your own culture?
Reply 6
Do your girlfriend's parents know that she has a boyfriend - if not, would they be against this also?

If they are okay with her having a boyfriend, then regardless of their preference, I don't think they would forbid her from going out with someone that isn't Indian. Marriage would be a different thing; however at this initial stage they would probably be against the whole idea of it (probz not expecting it to go that far), but as time goes on and relationships develop - people change. Take things step by step; move with the flow.

How old are you and your girlfriend btw?
Reply 7
They dont know,if they new they wouldnt like it because of the whole preserving culture thing.We plan to tell them next year,although it seems daunting i cant wait til its over and everyone knows but then im dreading what comes with that
Reply 8
Solicitor_1abee
Do you tend to stick to your own culture?


No, my parents don't really care (but I think they'd like me to marry a sikh/indian).
Reply 9
np187 - im 20 and she is 23
Pav27
I think her parents would understand if you told them, of course initially I presume it would be very difficult. I think most Indian parents tend to want their children to marry into their own culture in order to preserve it. They have nothing against people of other backgrounds. Most Indian parents don't mind dating between races/cultures I find, but obviously in your case they do.

In my opinion the best thing you can do it get it out in the open and tell your gf to tell her parents. Worst that could happen would be you two continuing being together secretly.


hindi parents n most traditional parents r really into culture n following it n stuff.they wouldn't be very happy.they could keep her from seeing him n i'm not trying to scare anyone but they can kill.i read this article,this man n his son killed the boy his hindi daughter was seeing because in his words 'she was dishonouring the family name n values' n he was proud of it.they mistreated her too when they found out.so i think maybe he should wait.good luck tho.it's sad that it still happens in modern society tho,u'd think they'd have developed ideas or something.
its a shame this is putting a strain on ur relationship, but what doesnt destroy you will only make u stronger! it is inevitable that the parents will find out, and the conflicts that will arise will either make or break your relationship. if you love eachother, then they will accept it at the end of the day, even if it may take them along time to reach acceptance. and if they don't- yea thats bad, but as long as you have eachother, then its all good :smile:
Well my grandma on my dad's side is Polish/Lithuanian (but her relatives for some ODD reason live in Manchester :rolleyes: but nevermind), and the other side is Indian, therefore my dad is what you guys might called Anglo-Indian (however he just looks North Indian!!! :biggrin: )... Very common.

Unfortunately I have the burden of looking exactly like my father whilst my lucky lucky sister gets to look like my Italian (of decent lol) mother, so most people think I'm Indian or half Indian anyway.

Highly irritating as I consider myself 100% and totally Aussie but hey.

Anyway best of luck with your relationship as it's more common than you may think! :p:
Well my grandma on my dad's side is Polish/Lithuanian (but her relatives for some ODD reason live in Manchester :rolleyes: but nevermind), and the other side is Indian, therefore my dad is what you guys might regard as Anglo-Indian (however he just looks North Indian!!! :biggrin: )... Very common.

Unfortunately I have the burden of looking exactly like my father whilst my lucky lucky sister gets to look like my Italian (of decent lol) mother, so most people think I'm Indian or half Indian anyway.

Highly irritating as I consider myself 100% and totally Aussie but hey.

Anyway best of luck with your relationship as it's more common than you may think! :p:

P.S. Just for the record, to show how common this background is, my on-and-off BF's ex GF's dad is Anglo-Indian :rolleyes:

BF is Anglo-Finnish for the record :cool:
Reply 14
hi, i'm hindu indian. and my dad would go Crazy if me or my sister even thought about marrying a white person. infact my dad will go crazy even if they're indian hindu and from a different class. so i'd be careful. it doesnt bother me though, i dont mind. i would hate to fall out with my family so it doesnt matter me that much. i also like the idea of preserving tradition and blood line.

if my dad found out and i was really serious about marrying a hindu indian that was of lower class, he would go crazy. even if eventually he accepted, if i was in love, he would be disappointed in me for the rest of his life. thats not something i plan on. i know you guys here will find this really weird to understand but its a different culture :smile:

it depends how strict her family is. ask her what her dad is like. it cant be That bad if she's risking it?
Reply 15
I am half indian and the indian side of my family didn't mind that my boyfriend was white. However, after my dad died they went to a psychic who told them that my first love wouldn't be true love, so they use this as an excuse! Complete balls. The fact they told me this just makes me want to work at the relationship even harder!

Family are dumb :smile: My mum is cool about it though. Yay.
it must be very hard for you to date with her, if her parents are old minded and they want her to follow the traditons and marryan Indian man. I have a friend, she is indian, she had english BF for like 5 years, they never had sex, coz in her culture she must have it after marriage...but she cant marry him coz she must marry an indian man..so they broke up, though they both are in love wtih each other, it is very sad..now she is 30, alone, and still virgin....but her Bf never could follow her till her house, and never met her parents...and all these things... well...so if you want that...date her, if not try to talk to her, so she will talk to her parents...
Reply 17
I think she's losing faith though,im really scared that she will just end it because of the time getting closer to the fay of telling her family.I wish it could be simple,afterall her family live over here so surely they could adapt slighty into the way the western society thinks
Reply 18
danni_bella83
Well my grandma on my dad's side is Polish/Lithuanian (but her relatives for some ODD reason live in Manchester :rolleyes: but nevermind), and the other side is Indian, therefore my dad is what you guys might regard as Anglo-Indian (however he just looks North Indian!!! :biggrin: )... Very common.

Unfortunately I have the burden of looking exactly like my father whilst my lucky lucky sister gets to look like my Italian (of decent lol) mother, so most people think I'm Indian or half Indian anyway.

Highly irritating as I consider myself 100% and totally Aussie but hey.

Anyway best of luck with your relationship as it's more common than you may think! :p:

P.S. Just for the record, to show how common this background is, my on-and-off BF's ex GF's dad is Anglo-Indian :rolleyes:

BF is Anglo-Finnish for the record :cool:


You're complaining about how you look!? You're a bloody model and you're gorgeous!!!!! Arggghhhh!
i'm asian, and i know for certain that my parents would definately be against me forming a relationship with someone other than of my own race and religion. Hell....they'd be definately against me forming a relationship full stop, with the business of arranged marriages and all that (which i am NOT opting for btw), but thats a whole different kettle of fish.

i'd say it is possible to carry on with your relationship, but be prepared for some friction when everything is out in the open. Yes...her parents (and possibly even yours) probably will try and break you up, then again they could be cool with things and let you carry on as you are. You wont know until you tell them. Oh yeh, and another thing, i know both you and your girlfriend are adults and everything, but indian families prefer the boy to be older than the girl (going with tradition and that), so it doesnt help that you're younger than her.

Having said all of that, i know some people who were in your situation, and everythings turned out well for them. An example of this would be of two teachers at my school. The guy's white (teaches maths), and the women is like in your case is indian hindu (teaches science). I know them both quite well, and by what ive gathered, things werent too rocky for them. Well about 2 years ago, they got married, and just recently they had a baby, so all is well.
I hope everything goes alright for you and your girlfriend
Good luck!
(p.s. keep us posted on the latest wont you!)

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