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    This might sound a bit messed up.
    Basically lately my brother has been gambling a lot. I have access to his online banking and in one day he put over a grand into his online gambling account and didn't win anything (or if he did he just gambled it away). At the moment his overdraft is £600 yet he's managed to go over this. He also has a credit card with a £1250 limit which he claimed today was declined at the cash machine which leads me to believe he's spent up to his limit. However whether it actually got declined is a different matter as he seems to be constantly lying about money and things. Over the past week he's borrowed over £200 from my mum "to buy Christmas presents" yet none of these have materialised. My mum daren't say no to him for money as she's done this previously and he completely lost it and went psycho. He told her he deleted his online gambling account last weekend yet there are still payments coming out of his account for it which makes me think he hasn't actually deleted it.
    I was wondering if anybody knew any way of stopping his gambling etc?
    Thanks
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    (Original post by b1505)
    This might sound a bit messed up.
    Basically lately my brother has been gambling a lot. I have access to his online banking and in one day he put over a grand into his online gambling account and didn't win anything (or if he did he just gambled it away). At the moment his overdraft is £600 yet he's managed to go over this. He also has a credit card with a £1250 limit which he claimed today was declined at the cash machine which leads me to believe he's spent up to his limit. However whether it actually got declined is a different matter as he seems to be constantly lying about money and things. Over the past week he's borrowed over £200 from my mum "to buy Christmas presents" yet none of these have materialised. My mum daren't say no to him for money as she's done this previously and he completely lost it and went psycho. He told her he deleted his online gambling account last weekend yet there are still payments coming out of his account for it which makes me think he hasn't actually deleted it.
    I was wondering if anybody knew any way of stopping his gambling etc?
    Thanks
    Does your brother even have a job? He must have pretty good credit to have a credit card with a limit of over £1000 though. Or, at least he HAD a good credit rating at the time he applied......

    Well, this has already escalated to your mum feeling 'pressured' into giving him money "or else". This is, frankly, ridiculous. Everybody says it is hard to do, but your brother needs to get out of your family home, seriously. If he gambles all his money away, he shouldn't have access to other people's money. He should suffer for what he got himself into.

    I know people can be addicted to gambling but it's not the same as addiction to alcohol or other drugs. His body is not going to shut down on him for not hearing enough clicks from the Russian Roulette, or something.
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    (Original post by sideways_gun)
    Does your brother even have a job? He must have pretty good credit to have a credit card with a limit of over £1000 though. Or, at least he HAD a good credit rating at the time he applied......

    Well, this has already escalated to your mum feeling 'pressured' into giving him money "or else". This is, frankly, ridiculous. Everybody says it is hard to do, but your brother needs to get out of your family home, seriously. If he gambles all his money away, he shouldn't have access to other people's money. He should suffer for what he got himself into.

    I know people can be addicted to gambling but it's not the same as addiction to alcohol or other drugs. His body is not going to shut down on him for not hearing enough clicks from the Russian Roulette, or something.
    Yeah he has a job, unfortunately all the money he earns goes straight on gambling.
    I can see what you mean about him needing to get out of the family home, although every time I've suggested that to my parents they've dismissed it as they know he'll go running to my grandparents and they know its not fair on them.
    I don't even know if he's actually addicted, it just seems that way. Although he has got it into his head that he's going to have a big win someday and be loaded. Maybe he's just a bit deluded.
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    The problem is that this could easily escalate into a huge problem. Just because its not drugs or alcohol or anything physical does not make it any less of a problem!

    He needs to recognise first that he has a problem and unfortunately you cant force him to do this. This website looks good, hopefully there will be some useful info on there to help you decide where to take it from here:

    http://www.gamcare.org.uk/
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    Sorry if this comes across as uncaring, however, the fact of the matter is that your brother won't recognise it as a 'problem' until he's got no money to gamble with. At which time he'll have to find some, or convince someone to give him some. Best thing you and your Mother can do is not to hide the situation, if people mention how he's always broke. Tell them simply, 'well he spends all his money gambling on xxxxxx website'.

    Sooner or later he'll have to confront the issue as his friends\relatives will stop providing money for which he can play with. Hiding the issue or ANY addiction is the worse mistake you can make. Remember, its NOT YOUR PROBLEM it's his! Therefore it's NOT YOUR SHAME! It's his! Sure your parents could look at this as a 'cry for help!' However, when they notice and pay attention and offer him help, he'll either tell them what's wrong and it will end there or carry on. If he carries on, then he's got an addiction and its not something that you will be able to solve as a family unit. You'll need outside help, for this reason, don't think of it as a secret or treat it as such. If he's ashamed of it, then he would be better advised to change his behaviour, something for which he'll eventually conclude himself and hopefully change accordingly. It's at that time he'll then recognise the issue for what it is.

    However, 'addicts' of all kinds are tremendously resourceful. So if you've got anything valuable, that you care about and its in 'public' view and not nailed down ie: Grandfathers War Medals, Old Watch, Antiques, Heirlooms etc. Then ensure that they're all insured and put somewhere safe out of his view\grasp as otherwise they may go 'missing'. Also, tell your Parents and consider this YOURSELF: There are NO quick fixes for addictions, he's got the addiction, not your parents and not you. Your parents telling him 'stop doing that' and then getting the 'I don't do it anymore' and your parents therefore believing the lie is all part of the addiction. Tell your parents not to be so gullible and not to let their guard down too easily, addiction is a loooooong road, not one easily traversed there's a long way to go until they reach their destination of breaking the addiction. Also, advise your parents that if he gets angry and starts getting violent. This is unacceptable behaviour, he'll have to learn this the hard way so call the Police. Tell them he's an addict and he's getting violent and their more likely to attend, rather than come to the usual 'domestic' for which there is little interest, they support addicts and family members of addicts so its worth mentioning.

    Also, advise your parents (assuming he uses THEIR residence as to where his Bank\Credit Card Statements are delivered or where his Credit Cards are registered) as if he does, then they should write immediately to the various Credit Reference Agencies and disassociate yourselves from him.

    Simply write a letter pointing out that as he's of an age whereby they consider him to be 'an adult' ie: can have credit cards etc then he resides at your address and has no other interest in the property ie he pays no rent or whatever. He's not going to inherit etc. I suggest this as some Banks\Credit Card companies may regard your address as one where a 'bad debtor' resides and you'll find yourselves included in such a report. Consequently anyone residing at the address may be turned down in the future for loans\credit cards etc. You may also do this as soon as the various debts start rolling in ie: mobile phone et al.

    I hope all of the above is of some use to you. If your Brother gets the help he needs soon, he maybe able to save himself and prevent a lot of pain for both he and your family. If not, then there's a lot of stress to come. Try not to let it drive a wedge between your family and remember its your Brothers problem, not yours. Try to retain the relationship between you all, but giving valuable presents that he can sell, or providing him straight cash for bills etc is now something you can no longer trust him with. See the bill, pay the bill via credit card and keep them away from him as if he can get the number, he can use the credit. He and money from this point on can no longer be 'friends' at least until he breaks this addiction to spend it in the wrong way. Once he learns this life will be good again, but this could go on for some years! So don't let your guard down and do be prepared for LOTS of disappointment along the way.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by tempac)
    Sorry if this comes across as uncaring, however, the fact of the matter is that your brother won't recognise it as a 'problem' until he's got no money to gamble with. At which time he'll have to find some, or convince someone to give him some. Best thing you and your Mother can do is not to hide the situation, if people mention how he's always broke. Tell them simply, 'well he spends all his money gambling on xxxxxx website'.

    Sooner or later he'll have to confront the issue as his friends\relatives will stop providing money for which he can play with. Hiding the issue or ANY addiction is the worse mistake you can make. Remember, its NOT YOUR PROBLEM it's his! Therefore it's NOT YOUR SHAME! It's his! Sure your parents could look at this as a 'cry for help!' However, when they notice and pay attention and offer him help, he'll either tell them what's wrong and it will end there or carry on. If he carries on, then he's got an addiction and its not something that you will be able to solve as a family unit. You'll need outside help, for this reason, don't think of it as a secret or treat it as such. If he's ashamed of it, then he would be better advised to change his behaviour, something for which he'll eventually conclude himself and hopefully change accordingly. It's at that time he'll then recognise the issue for what it is.

    However, 'addicts' of all kinds are tremendously resourceful. So if you've got anything valuable, that you care about and its in 'public' view and not nailed down ie: Grandfathers War Medals, Old Watch, Antiques, Heirlooms etc. Then ensure that they're all insured and put somewhere safe out of his view\grasp as otherwise they may go 'missing'. Also, tell your Parents and consider this YOURSELF: There are NO quick fixes for addictions, he's got the addiction, not your parents and not you. Your parents telling him 'stop doing that' and then getting the 'I don't do it anymore' and your parents therefore believing the lie is all part of the addiction. Tell your parents not to be so gullible and not to let their guard down too easily, addiction is a loooooong road, not one easily traversed there's a long way to go until they reach their destination of breaking the addiction. Also, advise your parents that if he gets angry and starts getting violent. This is unacceptable behaviour, he'll have to learn this the hard way so call the Police. Tell them he's an addict and he's getting violent and their more likely to attend, rather than come to the usual 'domestic' for which there is little interest, they support addicts and family members of addicts so its worth mentioning.

    Also, advise your parents (assuming he uses THEIR residence as to where his Bank\Credit Card Statements are delivered or where his Credit Cards are registered) as if he does, then they should write immediately to the various Credit Reference Agencies and disassociate yourselves from him.

    Simply write a letter pointing out that as he's of an age whereby they consider him to be 'an adult' ie: can have credit cards etc then he resides at your address and has no other interest in the property ie he pays no rent or whatever. He's not going to inherit etc. I suggest this as some Banks\Credit Card companies may regard your address as one where a 'bad debtor' resides and you'll find yourselves included in such a report. Consequently anyone residing at the address may be turned down in the future for loans\credit cards etc. You may also do this as soon as the various debts start rolling in ie: mobile phone et al.

    I hope all of the above is of some use to you. If your Brother gets the help he needs soon, he maybe able to save himself and prevent a lot of pain for both he and your family. If not, then there's a lot of stress to come. Try not to let it drive a wedge between your family and remember its your Brothers problem, not yours. Try to retain the relationship between you all, but giving valuable presents that he can sell, or providing him straight cash for bills etc is now something you can no longer trust him with. See the bill, pay the bill via credit card and keep them away from him as if he can get the number, he can use the credit. He and money from this point on can no longer be 'friends' at least until he breaks this addiction to spend it in the wrong way. Once he learns this life will be good again, but this could go on for some years! So don't let your guard down and do be prepared for LOTS of disappointment along the way.

    Good luck
    That's really helped thankyou. I've already started to tell people why he is broke, and he always tries to get me to hide it from his girlfriend too but I make sure she knows just in case he tries asking her for money.
    He is ashamed of it too, whenever me or my mum mention it in front of his friends he gets really embarrassed so I don't understand why he'd carry it on.
    I'm going to try some of your suggestions. Thanks.
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    (Original post by tempac)
    Sorry if this comes across as uncaring, however, the fact of the matter is that your brother won't recognise it as a 'problem' until he's got no money to gamble with. At which time he'll have to find some, or convince someone to give him some. Best thing you and your Mother can do is not to hide the situation, if people mention how he's always broke. Tell them simply, 'well he spends all his money gambling on xxxxxx website'.

    Sooner or later he'll have to confront the issue as his friends\relatives will stop providing money for which he can play with. Hiding the issue or ANY addiction is the worse mistake you can make. Remember, its NOT YOUR PROBLEM it's his! Therefore it's NOT YOUR SHAME! It's his! Sure your parents could look at this as a 'cry for help!' However, when they notice and pay attention and offer him help, he'll either tell them what's wrong and it will end there or carry on. If he carries on, then he's got an addiction and its not something that you will be able to solve as a family unit. You'll need outside help, for this reason, don't think of it as a secret or treat it as such. If he's ashamed of it, then he would be better advised to change his behaviour, something for which he'll eventually conclude himself and hopefully change accordingly. It's at that time he'll then recognise the issue for what it is.

    However, 'addicts' of all kinds are tremendously resourceful. So if you've got anything valuable, that you care about and its in 'public' view and not nailed down ie: Grandfathers War Medals, Old Watch, Antiques, Heirlooms etc. Then ensure that they're all insured and put somewhere safe out of his view\grasp as otherwise they may go 'missing'. Also, tell your Parents and consider this YOURSELF: There are NO quick fixes for addictions, he's got the addiction, not your parents and not you. Your parents telling him 'stop doing that' and then getting the 'I don't do it anymore' and your parents therefore believing the lie is all part of the addiction. Tell your parents not to be so gullible and not to let their guard down too easily, addiction is a loooooong road, not one easily traversed there's a long way to go until they reach their destination of breaking the addiction. Also, advise your parents that if he gets angry and starts getting violent. This is unacceptable behaviour, he'll have to learn this the hard way so call the Police. Tell them he's an addict and he's getting violent and their more likely to attend, rather than come to the usual 'domestic' for which there is little interest, they support addicts and family members of addicts so its worth mentioning.

    Also, advise your parents (assuming he uses THEIR residence as to where his Bank\Credit Card Statements are delivered or where his Credit Cards are registered) as if he does, then they should write immediately to the various Credit Reference Agencies and disassociate yourselves from him.

    Simply write a letter pointing out that as he's of an age whereby they consider him to be 'an adult' ie: can have credit cards etc then he resides at your address and has no other interest in the property ie he pays no rent or whatever. He's not going to inherit etc. I suggest this as some Banks\Credit Card companies may regard your address as one where a 'bad debtor' resides and you'll find yourselves included in such a report. Consequently anyone residing at the address may be turned down in the future for loans\credit cards etc. You may also do this as soon as the various debts start rolling in ie: mobile phone et al.

    I hope all of the above is of some use to you. If your Brother gets the help he needs soon, he maybe able to save himself and prevent a lot of pain for both he and your family. If not, then there's a lot of stress to come. Try not to let it drive a wedge between your family and remember its your Brothers problem, not yours. Try to retain the relationship between you all, but giving valuable presents that he can sell, or providing him straight cash for bills etc is now something you can no longer trust him with. See the bill, pay the bill via credit card and keep them away from him as if he can get the number, he can use the credit. He and money from this point on can no longer be 'friends' at least until he breaks this addiction to spend it in the wrong way. Once he learns this life will be good again, but this could go on for some years! So don't let your guard down and do be prepared for LOTS of disappointment along the way.

    Good luck
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    Credit agencies never put a marker on an address! This is a myth.
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    I have also given you +rep. This is what I said, but you said it better and in more detail with concrete advice. This should be posted somewhere on addict help message boards or something. That was sound advice and insight into what to do

    (Original post by tempac)
    Sorry if this comes across as uncaring, however, the fact of the matter is that your brother won't recognise it as a 'problem' until he's got no money to gamble with. At which time he'll have to find some, or convince someone to give him some. Best thing you and your Mother can do is not to hide the situation, if people mention how he's always broke. Tell them simply, 'well he spends all his money gambling on xxxxxx website'.

    Sooner or later he'll have to confront the issue as his friends\relatives will stop providing money for which he can play with. Hiding the issue or ANY addiction is the worse mistake you can make. Remember, its NOT YOUR PROBLEM it's his! Therefore it's NOT YOUR SHAME! It's his! Sure your parents could look at this as a 'cry for help!' However, when they notice and pay attention and offer him help, he'll either tell them what's wrong and it will end there or carry on. If he carries on, then he's got an addiction and its not something that you will be able to solve as a family unit. You'll need outside help, for this reason, don't think of it as a secret or treat it as such. If he's ashamed of it, then he would be better advised to change his behaviour, something for which he'll eventually conclude himself and hopefully change accordingly. It's at that time he'll then recognise the issue for what it is.

    However, 'addicts' of all kinds are tremendously resourceful. So if you've got anything valuable, that you care about and its in 'public' view and not nailed down ie: Grandfathers War Medals, Old Watch, Antiques, Heirlooms etc. Then ensure that they're all insured and put somewhere safe out of his view\grasp as otherwise they may go 'missing'. Also, tell your Parents and consider this YOURSELF: There are NO quick fixes for addictions, he's got the addiction, not your parents and not you. Your parents telling him 'stop doing that' and then getting the 'I don't do it anymore' and your parents therefore believing the lie is all part of the addiction. Tell your parents not to be so gullible and not to let their guard down too easily, addiction is a loooooong road, not one easily traversed there's a long way to go until they reach their destination of breaking the addiction. Also, advise your parents that if he gets angry and starts getting violent. This is unacceptable behaviour, he'll have to learn this the hard way so call the Police. Tell them he's an addict and he's getting violent and their more likely to attend, rather than come to the usual 'domestic' for which there is little interest, they support addicts and family members of addicts so its worth mentioning.

    Also, advise your parents (assuming he uses THEIR residence as to where his Bank\Credit Card Statements are delivered or where his Credit Cards are registered) as if he does, then they should write immediately to the various Credit Reference Agencies and disassociate yourselves from him.

    Simply write a letter pointing out that as he's of an age whereby they consider him to be 'an adult' ie: can have credit cards etc then he resides at your address and has no other interest in the property ie he pays no rent or whatever. He's not going to inherit etc. I suggest this as some Banks\Credit Card companies may regard your address as one where a 'bad debtor' resides and you'll find yourselves included in such a report. Consequently anyone residing at the address may be turned down in the future for loans\credit cards etc. You may also do this as soon as the various debts start rolling in ie: mobile phone et al.

    I hope all of the above is of some use to you. If your Brother gets the help he needs soon, he maybe able to save himself and prevent a lot of pain for both he and your family. If not, then there's a lot of stress to come. Try not to let it drive a wedge between your family and remember its your Brothers problem, not yours. Try to retain the relationship between you all, but giving valuable presents that he can sell, or providing him straight cash for bills etc is now something you can no longer trust him with. See the bill, pay the bill via credit card and keep them away from him as if he can get the number, he can use the credit. He and money from this point on can no longer be 'friends' at least until he breaks this addiction to spend it in the wrong way. Once he learns this life will be good again, but this could go on for some years! So don't let your guard down and do be prepared for LOTS of disappointment along the way.

    Good luck
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    You need to persuade him to talk to someone about his problem. Just like AA, there are support groups out there which specialise with gambling addictions. The hardest part will be getting him to go to the first meeting, but once he's done that, he'll realise that what they say makes sense, and he'll be able to see a lot of people who are further along the road to recovery than he is- that should spur him along a little bit.
 
 
 
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