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Finding a guy and coming out (not necessarily in that order) Watch

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    Hi. I'm an 18 year old guy, soon to be 19, in the closet. I've spent my first term at uni hiding my sexuality, like I did at home, even though I really wanted to start of telling people, but because of a few off hand remarks I was scared to. I enjoyed my first term though, but I am thinking quite seriously about coming out to a few people next term, as a footing. It's just that, I spent the last 4 years not telling anyone because my parents are religious in a very restrictive kind of way - homosexuality is not something they would allow me to continue in - I would either have to be celibate or "convert" to heterosexuality. I guess it's part of a very conservative Northern Irish culture. Anyway, to cut a long story short, no one from home knows that I am gay.
    Thing is, it's like a bursting throbbing ache inside me, I have to tell someone. I have tried to like girls for my parents for a short while, but it's useless - guys catch my eye and imagination in a way no woman could.
    Because of this, I have no real experience of dating - I always said I didn't have the time to go out with people, but I really want to find someone at Uni. I just don't know how - I don't know how to approach people, in clubs or whatever, or to know who is approachable at all. I really only started clubbing at Uni because I wasn't "permitted" to do that either, although I did try my best. It's not easy living miles into the country side.
    Anyway, any advice on any of the above would be appreciated.

    Keep Anon please
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    Tell someone you trust the most? Or your 'best' new friend at uni?

    Ooo, also! If you want to meet other people at uni, or talk to people who've already had to come out, maybe join the LGBT soc? If there is one.
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    Most Uni's have a LGBT society, you could join or speak to a few members for advice. In terms of coming out... I don't think it would be wise to tell your parents at this stage of your life, maybe once Uni has finished and you are on a career path.

    As for "finding a guy", clubs are always a good starting point... if that fails then look around!
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    My best friend was in exactly the same situation as you, apart from he decided to come out initially at the start of uni, so people would know straight away. His home friends gradually found out through facebook comments from people who knew, not nasty stuff, just friendly comments, or being tagged in photos looking close with guys. If you want to tell somebody, do it find someone or a few people you've got to know and trust at uni and just have a word with them. If you've avoided talking about it so far they may have their suspicions anyway. As for your parents, just keep track of it not getting back to them just yet. You need to be who you are, don't let anyone hold you back.
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    Thanks! your advice is useful, but how do you find guys in clubs and stuff? I just don't know what to do or how to behave
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks! your advice is useful, but how do you find guys in clubs and stuff? I just don't know what to do or how to behave
    Just be yourself In your average club, the majority of people will be straight, generally. Maybe research some gay clubs? I'm a straight girl and have been with my friend to some gay clubs in London and I have to say they were the best nights out ever, everyone is just themselves and up for a good night out. As for uni, just get to know more and more people and I'm sure you'll gradually find someone you like
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    I know how hard coming out is, I only came out this year after years of fretting about what people would think of me, and the fear of being rejected was terrifying. But in my case everyone has been very accepting, I think if people love you they will accept you. People aren't as ignorant about homosexuality nowadays. That said you must be careful about coming out to your parents, be very sure that they will continue to support you before telling them. I could write a lot more about my experience, and all that but unfortunately I don't have time to this now. Feel free to message me if you want, but I mainly wanted to reply to tell you about an excellent website for help in coming out. It really helped me, and there's many others on there who've also received great advice and support (plus you'll get no homophobes there thankfully).
    Its www.emptyclosets.com . I urge you to check it out, someone recommended it to me on here and I'm glad I did because it gave me the strength to deal with everything you brought up, and I'm sure it will help you too
 
 
 
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