Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Another of these posts about frustration at getting girls i'm afraid. Watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Ok, so i'm in uni. And i am more posting this to get motivation to make thing alright as i seem to understand the solutions but just lack the confidence to get there. And i'm going to outline my frustration in this post because it is getting to me even though i undoubtedly will be told otherwise and that it is perfectly natural to have not had a gf and to have still not lost the virginity, or in anyway get close really to any girl.

    A little about myself. I guess this makes up for me not putting a pic in here as i want to remain completely anon just in case the very small chance of someone i know coming across this and so getting highly embarrassed by all this. I'm 18, 6 foot 2, male, fairly thin, but not skinny thin weighing in at just under 12 stone. A few characteristics are that I have large green eyes, fairly short brown hair, biggish lips. Now i hate describing myself over the internet. I kind of hate myself for describing myself so, but i kinda want a solution so i have come to last resort as after one term of uni nothing really has changed! Some things about how i look is that i've never been told that i am ugly or anything like that, but have never really got compliments. Well when i texted a girl i started talking to on fb and met her she apparently really fancied me when she saw me and said my eyes were amazing. But (i know that sounds pathetic the way i have explained that haha but that is one of the few things girls have said about me. I guess that's a result of not getting close to anyone more than anything).

    I have made plenty of friends but i seem to ALWAYS do the same and push them into friend territory right away. That said, just about everyone i have met, i don't really fancy as such and happy with just knowing them as friends. But i see so many girls around but it seems like i'm in the wrong circle almost even though i'm in a fair few being in a society, knowing people in the flat and other flats in general. Well the couple of girls i really did take to when i met them all had bfs so i gave up pursuing anything there.

    So, it's a case of for me how to i push the right signals? In the past, at home, i've always done the same thing and just pushed in loads of friends but no one of gf material really or someone i wanted to just have a bit of fun with. Or the ones i kind of did i found my best mates to have liked for longer. And it's bros before hoes before me I have also been told in the past that i was too much of a nice guy. And as you guys know, nice guys finish last. I did vow to myself to change completely when i went to Uni but personality is a hard thing to change. Sure, i may have changed myself a bit but it's not enough.

    Another thing is the thing that when i go out i find i get no where. I can drink to get more confidence. Sure i get more confidence with people i know. But i sure as hell don't really get much more confidence to approach some random girl or even like smile at a girl at the other side of the club or something. I mean we go out between 2 and 4 times a week so it's not like i get the situations!

    Ultimately, i know it's all about confidence. But i don't know how to change myself and at the end of a first term of uni it is the only thing i really dislike about uni, because everything else i really enjoy. But this part is really frustrating. I find the best way to meet girls is in a party and whenever i am invited to one i will go, so the point that i don't put in that first bit of effort to get the situations is quashed there really. I just find it hard to read girls and approach them really. And lack of confidence end of day is not regarded attractive by girls at all. I pulled a couple of times when i went on hols with mates though i didn't get further than the dancefloor with them :/ I have even downloaded books and things like The Game and similar things. I mean, the main point was what i expected. It's all confidence and i read a fair bit on another one about the signals you get from girls you aren't really aware of. Seriously not groundbreaking for you unless you are completely socially inept where i'm sure it would be a lot of help. But these things tell you what is required and not how to do it.

    So i need to change myself. And i kind of hate myself for writing all this and i know i am coming across more of a loser than anyone that knows me expects of me as people know me as the funny, banterful, (borerline annoying/random esp when drunk lol) guy when i get to know them anyway but i want to let it all go in one anonymous post! And as many people say University are the best times of your life and it's great for that bit of fun. But term 1 gone down and as said here that one key part is missing. I would like to change before i actually leave uni and don't see that as a big regret or something.

    I know i've repeated myself a lot here and those who have read all this i appreciate. I know i haven't really asked for a lot here. Just more than anything how to get this confidence to approach girls, have a bit of fun and maybe get a gf.

    Thankss.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    You know the score son. On behalf of the internets, I'm going to have request pics or fare thy well - the choice is yours.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lovely_me)
    You know the score son. On behalf of the internets, I'm going to have request pics or fare thy well - the choice is yours.
    But the picture thing is barely related. Besides at the end of the day i believe i am neither ugly nor really good looking. Besides with enough confidence i believe looks aren't much of an issue. Besides i said too much now in my OP to actually post a pic i believe. If someone found it i would be a laughing stock, and as much it is unlikely i'm not taking the chance for now!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Any replies en? Or was that post for nothing lol
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Pics!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    you dont sound like a loser, at all. your honesty is amazing, and i think itll come in time if you just work on the confidence - thats all it is, looks are only relevant to a certain extent. if you give off the impression that you dont want to talk to people and arent open to the idea of it , girls wont try.. so just look at people you admire and try to do it how they do it. PM me if you want to chat
    • #2
    #2

    You're 6ft2 for gods sake, just get some confidence. Girls expect you to lead because you're tall.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by rosieloves)
    you dont sound like a loser, at all. your honesty is amazing, and i think itll come in time if you just work on the confidence - thats all it is, looks are only relevant to a certain extent. if you give off the impression that you dont want to talk to people and arent open to the idea of it , girls wont try.. so just look at people you admire and try to do it how they do it. PM me if you want to chat
    I wouldn't call myself a loser, just the way i made the thread made me look like a bit of a one :p: Thanks anyway, i've got loads of friends at home and uni, but this issue i've always been something i hate bringing up with friends and so it never gets brought up and i never talk about it. I guess it must be what i'm like and just that i'm not approachable and need to work on that more than anything. But i find it's something easy to say but harder to put in action. I go to a place like feeling i must be different but i lose those thoughts when i get there and get nervous despite alcohol. I also don't like the feeling of approaching a girl and getting denied and seeing friends witness it. I know it's stupid but it's the one aspect of my personality i hate. I would call myself fairly confident at times too. I have no problem approaching a stranger/shop worker for directions or help and am confident enough in a situation like that but in a club or bar i lose all that (i know the types of situations are different but still). I just find it daunting approaching an attractive girl.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're 6ft2 for gods sake, just get some confidence. Girls expect you to lead because you're tall.
    meh, i know, i hate my complete lack of confidence and the fact that when drunk it barely changes anything with me there amongst people i don't know anyway!

    I guess talking about it is the best thing, even if it is anonymously. Getting people to actually tell you to get a ****ing grip and some confidence is good to hear if i'm honest as i know that is truth.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I also don't have a clue about approaching girls in clubs. I ****ing hate the coming up from behind approach if i'm honest. Just looks really pervish. As girls are often in large groups i find it daunting.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I ****ing hate the coming up from behind approach if i'm honest.
    :teehee:

    But seriously OP, just loosen up a bit, enjoy yourself, and stop over-thinking! If you happen to be in a group and a girl you're interested in is in a group, conduct your group to move closer to the group of girls and just interrupt (not rudely) with a compliment or a bit of banter :sexface:
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok, so i'm in uni. And i am more posting this to get motivation to make thing alright as i seem to understand the solutions but just lack the confidence to get there. And i'm going to outline my frustration in this post because it is getting to me even though i undoubtedly will be told otherwise and that it is perfectly natural to have not had a gf and to have still not lost the virginity, or in anyway get close really to any girl.

    A little about myself. I guess this makes up for me not putting a pic in here as i want to remain completely anon just in case the very small chance of someone i know coming across this and so getting highly embarrassed by all this. I'm 18, 6 foot 2, male, fairly thin, but not skinny thin weighing in at just under 12 stone. A few characteristics are that I have large green eyes, fairly short brown hair, biggish lips. Now i hate describing myself over the internet. I kind of hate myself for describing myself so, but i kinda want a solution so i have come to last resort as after one term of uni nothing really has changed! Some things about how i look is that i've never been told that i am ugly or anything like that, but have never really got compliments. Well when i texted a girl i started talking to on fb and met her she apparently really fancied me when she saw me and said my eyes were amazing. But (i know that sounds pathetic the way i have explained that haha but that is one of the few things girls have said about me. I guess that's a result of not getting close to anyone more than anything).

    I have made plenty of friends but i seem to ALWAYS do the same and push them into friend territory right away. That said, just about everyone i have met, i don't really fancy as such and happy with just knowing them as friends. But i see so many girls around but it seems like i'm in the wrong circle almost even though i'm in a fair few being in a society, knowing people in the flat and other flats in general. Well the couple of girls i really did take to when i met them all had bfs so i gave up pursuing anything there.

    So, it's a case of for me how to i push the right signals? In the past, at home, i've always done the same thing and just pushed in loads of friends but no one of gf material really or someone i wanted to just have a bit of fun with. Or the ones i kind of did i found my best mates to have liked for longer. And it's bros before hoes before me I have also been told in the past that i was too much of a nice guy. And as you guys know, nice guys finish last. I did vow to myself to change completely when i went to Uni but personality is a hard thing to change. Sure, i may have changed myself a bit but it's not enough.

    Another thing is the thing that when i go out i find i get no where. I can drink to get more confidence. Sure i get more confidence with people i know. But i sure as hell don't really get much more confidence to approach some random girl or even like smile at a girl at the other side of the club or something. I mean we go out between 2 and 4 times a week so it's not like i get the situations!

    Ultimately, i know it's all about confidence. But i don't know how to change myself and at the end of a first term of uni it is the only thing i really dislike about uni, because everything else i really enjoy. But this part is really frustrating. I find the best way to meet girls is in a party and whenever i am invited to one i will go, so the point that i don't put in that first bit of effort to get the situations is quashed there really. I just find it hard to read girls and approach them really. And lack of confidence end of day is not regarded attractive by girls at all. I pulled a couple of times when i went on hols with mates though i didn't get further than the dancefloor with them :/ I have even downloaded books and things like The Game and similar things. I mean, the main point was what i expected. It's all confidence and i read a fair bit on another one about the signals you get from girls you aren't really aware of. Seriously not groundbreaking for you unless you are completely socially inept where i'm sure it would be a lot of help. But these things tell you what is required and not how to do it.

    So i need to change myself. And i kind of hate myself for writing all this and i know i am coming across more of a loser than anyone that knows me expects of me as people know me as the funny, banterful, (borerline annoying/random esp when drunk lol) guy when i get to know them anyway but i want to let it all go in one anonymous post! And as many people say University are the best times of your life and it's great for that bit of fun. But term 1 gone down and as said here that one key part is missing. I would like to change before i actually leave uni and don't see that as a big regret or something.

    I know i've repeated myself a lot here and those who have read all this i appreciate. I know i haven't really asked for a lot here. Just more than anything how to get this confidence to approach girls, have a bit of fun and maybe get a gf.

    Thankss.
    Girls are generally pretty shallow so don't give them much power. I mean u dont need to worry, jsut be confident. Youre 6"2, great height, women like tall men
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    http://img72.imageshack.us/img72/8734/41656391.png

    so i've decided to put up a pic to satisfy those people who want one...

    but yeh to add to what people have said it is a case of stop being a pussy end of day. i'm just gonna have to fight my insides and do what they don't want me to
    • #4
    #4

    dunno why your complaining, heard worse stories
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Not being funny, but do you have mild Down's Syndrome? :holmes:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wouldn't call myself a loser, just the way i made the thread made me look like a bit of a one :p: Thanks anyway, i've got loads of friends at home and uni, but this issue i've always been something i hate bringing up with friends and so it never gets brought up and i never talk about it. I guess it must be what i'm like and just that i'm not approachable and need to work on that more than anything. But i find it's something easy to say but harder to put in action. I go to a place like feeling i must be different but i lose those thoughts when i get there and get nervous despite alcohol. I also don't like the feeling of approaching a girl and getting denied and seeing friends witness it. I know it's stupid but it's the one aspect of my personality i hate. I would call myself fairly confident at times too. I have no problem approaching a stranger/shop worker for directions or help and am confident enough in a situation like that but in a club or bar i lose all that (i know the types of situations are different but still). I just find it daunting approaching an attractive girl.
    i know what you mean - people would describe me as the most confident/outgoing person they know but put an attractive guy in front of me and i bumble every sentence! i probably need advice as much as you do haha.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lovely_me)
    Not being funny, but do you have mild Down's Syndrome? :holmes:
    wtf??
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 19, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Will you be richer or poorer than your parents?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.