Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I love him, but am I IN love with him?? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Okay, short version:-

    had a boyfriend for 2 years, but were close friends for 3.5 years. He was never the type of guy I would originally go for, but I took a chance at it cos we got on so well as friends.
    And basically, Im having a stress about it. I am being totally unfair but I cant stop. we have never had sex :/ (yes, its odd, but hes kinda asexual so he doesnt care anyway) we used to do everything else quite frequently, but now we dont do anything. We havent kissed in about half a year
    ive had severe depression for the past year and Im not sure if this is having an effect on my sex drive or If i just dont fancy him.

    I love him so much, I would do ANYTHING to save him, make him happy, look out for him, care for him....and I never want him with anyone else- the thought makes me sick and go crazy. But the thing is, I just dont know if im happy with him. We dont do anything sexual, I find myself recoiling at his touch and I dont know why.
    I love hugging and holding his hands and holding him, but I cant bring myself to kiss or anything.

    He is the nicest guy you would ever meet, he worships the ground I walk on....but I cant let him go. I love him....but I dont know if im in love with him. I dont know whether its my depression or our relationship that is doing this to me, but something is making me uncomfortable and unhappy.

    We talk 24/7 on the phone, but were drifting apart and it breaks my heart. So much has happened that is stopping us from being happy and it hurts so bad. I just want us to be how we used to be. But we never will....I cant change my feelings

    Sorry for the rant, I just need some support. thank you
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Just a question; what now makes your relationship a relationship, and not just a friendship? And do you need to be in a relationship to maintain your friendship?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thats the point....it is more like a friendship, but I dont want him with anyone else cos I couldnt bear it!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    bump
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    if you were in love with him, you would know. The fact that you are asking on tsr suggests not.

    Either try to make your relationship more of a relationship (as opposed to a friendship) or break up and find someone who is right for you.

    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I agree with Whizz. I believe that if you aren't 100% sure that you are, then you're not
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    How old are you out of interest?
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    I am 12 and mummy what is this?
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Sleep with him.

    For once, I think that will actually sort out all of your problems.

    edit: as long as you're over sixteen
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    Just one question
    Are you physically attracted to him?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Ok first things first.... How old are you?!

    If you're in the age bracket 14-18 then chances are it's not love, and even if it is love (now) it probably wont last. However, a true friendship can last a life time. I would (if I was you) concentrate on turning the feelings you have for each other into a trusting friendship, you will benefit so much more from having a true friend then a short term 'fling' which left both side hurting. In answer to your other conundrum, have you ever heard the saying 'there are plenty more fish in the sea?' There are many more guys out there, ones you will feel so strongly about the question 'are my feelings just friendship based' wont even cross your mind, when you know you know... right?! So go cast your net!
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lechaton-x)
    Sleep with him.

    For once, I think that will actually sort out all of your problems.

    edit: as long as you're over sixteen
    I dont really think this will solve anything tbh... It kind of sounds like she doesnt find him sexually/physically attractive, so just sleeping with him isn't a good idea.
    Dont force yourself to sleep with him thinking you'll start liking him after and especially if you're not comfortable (you cant even bring yourself to kiss him)....

    You obviously care for him a lot because you have been close friends too. but if its making you feel like that, its not a good relationship.
    And you need to think about what you want to do.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by looking)
    How old are you out of interest?
    im 21
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 21, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.