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    Hi all,

    I'm in the middle (well, actually nearer the end) of writing my first novel, which, if all goes to plan is to be the first of a trilogy!

    For anyone who is interested in dark fantasy/ romance/ horror type stories, please check out my blog, Yeah Write, for clips from the first novel (yet to be named) and the complete first chapter in what I am for the time being calling the Fatemaster Trilogy.

    Just visit: www.ohyeahwrite.blogspot.com and let me know what you think!

    Thanks guys!

    Loren x

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    Let me guess, you typed that all up on your overpriced apple device whilst taking up a whole sofa in Starbucks like a douche-bag?

    RUBBISH!
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    Sorry, don't like it. It reads far too much like any other teen fiction book out there.
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    I admire anyone who feels as though they can put in enough effort to write a novel. What you need to do, though, is to make yours unique and stand out from everything which has already been published.
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    Not too fond of it either I'm afraid. Reads pretty average tbh.
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    I don't mean to be rude but it is a rather boring read...
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    If you didn’t think it was possible for a girl to get ready in fifteen minutes, you’d be wrong. Although I use the word ‘ready’ very loosely, considering all I did was throw on whatever clothes were on my bedroom floor – which today happened to be a pair of skinny blue jeans and a grey vest – and hurriedly put on just enough makeup to make me look a bit less like the living dead. My hair definitely suffered though as it ended up under my trusty woolly black hat.

    That is the most boring thing I have ever read. You can't write.
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    Not everything has to have a side-note description.
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    Fatemaster, eh? That sounds like the kind of book that will be full of innovative ideas that aren't pulled from 100 fantasy books that already have the same plot as yours!
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    Stephenie Meyer standard

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    i admire you for having a go and I admit i could never write a novel. But sadly i think its tedious, the beginning doesn't make the reader want to read futher, it doesn't engage with us. there are long sentences and tedious information.
    just small things like 'If you didn’t think it was possible for a girl to get ready in fifteen minutes, you’d be wrong.' would in my opinion sound better as 'If you thought it was impossible...' and what about 30-50 words about an alarm clock is a bit much? also you say you are always up late and then you say ... usually i have time to nag my mum about smoking or something along those lines. Admittedly I am probably being to critical and im sorry and i admit that i only read the first couple of paragraphs. But i did read the rest of your blog and i hope u succeed in your a level course .
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    'we got a two hour break from eleven until two'

    oh dear
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    (Original post by Orwell)
    If you didn’t think it was possible for a girl to get ready in fifteen minutes, you’d be wrong. Although I use the word ‘ready’ very loosely, considering all I did was throw on whatever clothes were on my bedroom floor – which today happened to be a pair of skinny blue jeans and a grey vest – and hurriedly put on just enough makeup to make me look a bit less like the living dead. My hair definitely suffered though as it ended up under my trusty woolly black hat.

    That is the most boring thing I have ever read. You can't write.
    Most women spend half their lives blabbering on about clothes and make-up, what can you do? What's most annoying is all of them say this very same sentence to try to self-deprecate and it's really annoying and pretty much the mark of a boring girl. It makes me want the villain to fry the character alive and eat her in pieces with his most slavish minion, possibly while watching X Factor on a dull Saturday night.

    I'm afraid I don't think it's the greatest of openings. I'm not sure that a creative writing course is really the best way to work towards actually writing a book; I can't see Van Morrison or Van Gogh sitting in a college classroom discussing theory and copying the style of slightly outmoded greats. When you take the course, don't let it affect your style so you churn out something that could have been written by the course specification.

    Don't be discouraged, the world needs more authors. But if you ever come to write a real book don't post it on the Internet because then if you ever got famous someone could find some cached version somewhere and claim it was their manuscript.
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    hey guys, thanks for all the comments! to be honest, I agree about it being a bit boring... the first chapter does actually follow on from a prologue which has more action and mystery to it, but I think I'm going to scrap the entire chapter and do something completely different. I'll post it on here when I've figured it out and you can give me some feedback!! It's nice to get honest opinions from people, so thanks. Apart from 'Hooj', because I don't do Apple and I HATE starbucks

    Loren.
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    I think there are obvious similarities between this and the Stephanie Meyer series...

    Plus I think the writing needs a bit of work, there is nothing to give it any personality or vibrancy. Some of your descriptions are a bit cliché.

    With some more work, the writing would be okay, but as to whether or not that particular genre is 'done' or outdated....

    Don't be discouraged, very very very few authors will ever get their first books published, but they're crucal in finding a style and give you enough practice to know what works and what doesn't. So keep trying and eventual you'll get something really good out of it all
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    OP, I want a synopsis of your novel.
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    I pressed the button on my key and opened my little black Volkswagen Golf. It was coated in a thick layer of snow and frost, which meant I now had to wait another five minutes or so for it to heat up. Great
    When I got to this bit about the car, I was really surprised the character was old enough to drive. I got the impression from the opening paragraphs that she was much younger, maybe 13-15. Also, I think that it states the obvious a lot. Its obvious that if your car is covered in snow and ice it will need defrosting. No need to tell us every little detail when we get it already from the first sentence. Also, who are you aiming this story at? I think its a bit unrealistic for say a 17yr old to have a Golf. Sure, some are lucky enough to, but many people that age have their first car as an old Corsa etc. That would make it more realistic because at the moment its like you're putting your dream car in there that most 17 year olds wouldn't have. Good luck
 
 
 
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