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    Ok first of all i'd like people to keep their oppinions about my own personal religious beliefs to themselves as this isnt about that....

    So this is how it goes, ive been with this guy for over two years and to me he's the loveliest guy ever... also before we got together he new that i didnt want sex before marriage because of my religious beliefs, and we havent appeared to have had any problems, he often tells me how he's fine with it and i shouldnt feel guilty.

    Now the other night we had one of those 'moments' I dont need to go into any detail about but i basically said 'do u have a condom' and he said no, i threw them all away, and it caused me to get a bit emotional because i realised he really lovedand repsected me and wasnt trying to get into my pants....

    The next evening we went to a party and he was rather drunk when we got back to say the least. Anyway i sore something hanging out of his pocket that looked a little suspcious it was a condom, and then there was a another in the pocket. Ive always trusted him before, and i thought maybe he'd got it at the party- but maybe he had it before. So i looked at his phone just in case, not really expecting to see anything . But i got a shock.

    I looked at texts he sent to one girl in particular (hes got a phone where all the messages to one person are together). It was insanely flirtatious all the way through saying things like *kisses* even if its just on the cheeck and *snuggles* or *jumps in to bed and snuggles* . She said something about being horny and not having sex and then he said, well theres always me. And then she said, but dont u have a gf? And he said yeh, but we dont have sex remember... and that if she wanted sex he'd happily oblige.

    So basically i went insane, he was a asleep i started screaming punching and kikcing him. He hardly remembers it considering he was drunk, i even woke his parents up :-S

    So we strated chatting til he was sober, and he was crying saying he was sorry that he was a idiot. That i was going to leave him and he didnt deserve me etc. He kinda made my heart melt. He also made out he was drunk when he sent it.

    Ive had issues with previous bfs, where similar things have happnened and my paranoia has caused to many arguments and caused us to split.

    I really love him but how can i trust him again, i know it could have been alot worse, but this was just a freind of his, somone id met before, and im away at uni alot of the time and dont see him that much.

    Also his mum asked why she heard me shouting and he said he didnt know, just blamed it on drunkeness, even though i wanted him to tell the truth, he said he didnt want them to think badly of him, he said theyd think he was scum and disown him. Im only talking about it on here because i dont want to tell anyone els about it because im too 'proud' ive always made out im with the perfect guy and all my freinds even my dad comment on what a nice, decent person he is, i guess i dont want them to have a bad oppinion. But it makes me feel like im on my own, am i making the right decision, should i forgive him and try my best to trust him??????
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    Well the fact that you went through his phone suggests you didn't trust him in the first place but at the same time he is wrong for doing what he did. Trust is hard to re-build sometimes it can never be re-built. You both need to talk about all these issues, but a relationship can't work with a lack of trust and going through people's personal stuff is a bad sign.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Well the fact that you went through his phone suggests you didn't trust him in the first place but at the same time he is wrong for doing what he did. Trust is hard to re-build sometimes it can never be re-built. You both need to talk about all these issues, but a relationship can't work with a lack of trust and going through people's personal stuff is a bad sign.
    Well i did trust him, until i sore the condoms... ive never felt the need to look at his mob before. But seeing the condom and due to what others guys have been like before i thought i'd look at his mob.

    Also he said his mate gave him the condoms at the party, so they werent for someone els.
    • TSR Support Team
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    All the more reason to talk to him
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    You went through his phone. You dug and you found something, seems like there isn't trust between either of you.
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    You quite clearly shouldn't trust him again.

    There are boys who act ever so loving and perfect towards you, but who are entirely different away from you.
    • #2
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    In a similar situation to you in the way that I dont think I can be with this guy I love because I dont trust him to be faithful because I dont want to have sex before marriage.

    You need to have a proper talk with your boyfriend about things, ask him where he sees the relationship going. I think in the day and age where sex is so readily available its hard to resist temptation sometimes but at the end of the day if you cant trust him then there is no point being with him because it will just cause more fights. The fact that you are asking on here whether you should trust him again shows that you have doubts. Sure everyone deserves a second chance but you have to ask yourself if you are strong enough to do so and if it is worth it?

    The best of luck
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    You quite clearly shouldn't trust him again.

    There are boys who act ever so loving and perfect towards you, but who are entirely different away from you.
    Thats the thing tho, ive been with him 2 and half years and nothing(that i know of). Ive been out with idiots before who are just like ur describing, but i dont think he'd like them at all. Ive even had random people (people who know him but i dont know) coming up and saying, uv got a good chap there, making out he's not like the rest. After all he hasnt had sex for 2 freakin yrs to be with me.

    I can forgive him, afterall everyone makes mistakes, i want to trust him so much. What can i do to trust him again, any ideas or do u think it just takes time and i should try to hold back my paranoia???
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    He's*****
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thats the thing tho, ive been with him 2 and half years and nothing(that i know of). Ive been out with idiots before who are just like ur describing, but i dont think he'd like them at all. Ive even had random people (people who know him but i dont know) coming up and saying, uv got a good chap there, making out he's not like the rest. After all he hasnt had sex for 2 freakin yrs to be with me.

    I can forgive him, afterall everyone makes mistakes, i want to trust him so much. What can i do to trust him again, any ideas or do u think it just takes time and i should try to hold back my paranoia???
    Well, i was with my ex for 3 years. Like you, we never had sex. I loved him dearly, but i do believe that he was a different person around other people. I think the fact that you found those texts is a clear sign that he talks to girls about his sexual needs, whether you find out about it or not... but it's up to you if you want to end it here. Clearly you won't. Trust comes with time, a lot of time. Until then, i'm afraid you will be paranoid over every little thing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's*****
    He's what????
 
 
 
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