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Will anything go right for me? Watch

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    So in January my parent died and since then I've gone a bit crazy I guess. I used to be sociable, but had more inhibitions than most people and I was self-conscious. After the death of my dad I went a little more mental, all inhibitions were released and I started drinking more and going out more in order to forget what happened, and I stopped going to most lectures and just slept a lot. I worked my arse off for my summer exams but it was too late and I ended up not being able to catch up. I failed, and I ended up having to resit the year.

    Things at home have got better since then, I've stopped having to do things to forget about my problems and have tried to face them instead but now I've got a new issue. I've started to become dependent on male affection. I had a boyfriend for 8 months who broke up with me in October, and I was destraught. Then after that happened, I started to kiss multiple guys in clubs pretty much every time I went out.

    I started sort of "seeing" a guy. I kissed him on a night out then we started talking on facebook and the following week he asked me out for a drink. The drink never happened, he said he was "ill". The drunk thing happened a few more times, we stayed at eachother's flats but never had sex. He told my friend he really liked me, and I tried to organise a few more dates but every time I did something would come up for him. Then eventually, I said if he didn't want to date he should just let me know. He asked me to come and see him that night, but I was busy and then after that he never spoke to me again. A few weeks later, after I'd forgotten about him, he saw me in a bar and said "sorry, I've been a ****. I just wanted to be friends" and I just walked away.

    My friend and I went out with a few friends we knew from another university one night. A couple of their friends were there who we'd never met before, and one of them seemed like a complete gentleman. When we walked in, he got us chairs for us and sat us down, then he started talking to me all night. For some reason I wasn't allowed into a bar even though I was sober- they just thought I was drunk, and then we tried to find somewhere else to go. However, the guy who was tlaking to me started arguing with the bouncers who wouldn't allow me into the bar, so I stayed with him, and eventually the others all left and we decided to go and find somewhere else and wait for them there. He kissed me, and I stupidly ended up going back home with him. We had sex and it was my first time, until this point I'd been trying to save it for the right moment. I got emotionally attatched and we started talking a lot, he agreed to come round for dinner but then eventually I asked whether he actually wanted to try something, or whether I was a one night thing. He said he kind of did want to see me, but it'd end badly for both of us as he wasn't over his ex. It took me about quite a while to stop thinking about him constantly- we're now friends but it's not really enough.

    More recently, I got stupidly drunk as I started to get into old habits of not getting up for lectures and going out just to forget my problems. I ended up talking to one guy all night at a party and then we slept together. I spoke to him the next week, and on the friday just past we were talking at the bar again, flirting quite a lot then he ended up kissing another girl. It was a massive slap in the face, and I just ended up staring at them shocked for a while. Eventually, this girl left and he came over to me and said he was genuinely sorry and she was a mistake, he kissed me and we ended up sleeping together again. A lot. In the morning I went home knowing it was a mistake and that he was just using me, but I sent him my number over facebook and he sent me his. We spoke briefly on facebook again but then I just felt like I was annoying him and he didn't want to speak to me (nothing really gave me that impression in reality, I just felt that way) and left him alone.

    I seem to just idiotically fall for guys really quickly for no reason and make massive errors and even come across as a bit of a ****, when I'm not. Guys seem to use me just to satisfy urges but I don't want that anymore. And now I'm home for christmas it feels a bit weird without my dad around and I need to do some work, but can't concentrate on anything.

    I'm not even sure why I'm posting this thread, I just feel a little empty.
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    probably not
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    (Original post by beecher)
    probably not


    HARSH dude.


    OP dw mate i'm sure something will go right
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    It will get better, you're having a really hard time.

    http://blog.beliefnet.com/freshliving/hanginthere.jpg


    Have you considered getting counselling? Talking things through with someone might help.
    As for the guys...just remember that sex won't get you love :yes:
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    (Original post by >Anna<)
    It will get better, you're having a really hard time.

    http://blog.beliefnet.com/freshliving/hanginthere.jpg


    Have you considered getting counselling? Talking things through with someone might help.
    As for the guys...just remember that sex won't get you love :yes:
    I've tried, but the university counselling service seems to have a mile long waiting list and my welfare tutor is trying to find somewhere else for me to go.

    As for the sex thing- I know, but I seem to have literally no control even when I know things are a bad idea.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried, but the university counselling service seems to have a mile long waiting list and my welfare tutor is trying to find somewhere else for me to go.

    As for the sex thing- I know, but I seem to have literally no control even when I know things are a bad idea.
    Well it's good that you're at least seeking it. Perhaps if you go to see your GP they can refer you to a counselling service outside of the uni?

    The sex thing can be something you can discuss with your counsellor, when you get one. In the meantime you could do something that'll really put you off having sex...like not shaving your legs or something :p: I don't know, just an idea!
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    That cat's blatantly about to fall.
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    All you are doing is trying to fill the large gap that has unfortunately been created due to losing your father. Sleeping/Getting attached to guys wont fill that gap. But you know this. It's just a matter of finding a steady direction.

    PM me if you need to talk.
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    (Original post by Roo Bix)
    All you are doing is trying to fill the large gap that has unfortunately been created due to losing your father. Sleeping/Getting attached to guys wont fill that gap. But you know this. It's just a matter of finding a steady direction.

    PM me if you need to talk.
    I have plenty of friends, but it just hasn't seemed like enough recently. My ex boyfriend made me happy, and I hadn't slept with him even within 8 months so it was more an emotional void he filled and I was able to get an alternative perspective of life from him, so when he broke up with me it hit me pretty hard and now I'm looking for the same emotional thing but obviously looking in the wrong places.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have plenty of friends, but it just hasn't seemed like enough recently. My ex boyfriend made me happy, and I hadn't slept with him even within 8 months so it was more an emotional void he filled and I was able to get an alternative perspective of life from him, so when he broke up with me it hit me pretty hard and now I'm looking for the same emotional thing but obviously looking in the wrong places.
    But why do you need to look for the same emotional thing.
 
 
 
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