So I'm the solid pushover; I generally don't dare to say no. I've always been letting people do what they want even if it's something I didn't want at all, simply because I'm afraid of saying no or objecting, cause I feel like if I did then that particular person, or people in general, would see me as a shallow, selfish, *******.
But I've read that if one is to start standing up for themselves, then they'd get more respect. I'm just struggling with understanding WHY? I mean if you say no then you're probably going to disappoint that person, thus making them dislike you more, right?
Help me with this please, I'm sick to death of being a pushover.
Will people really respect me more if I stand up for myself? Watch
- Thread Starter
Last edited by Mister Bean; 21-12-2010 at 04:05.
- 21-12-2010 04:04
- 21-12-2010 04:08
If you always say yes to what everyone else wants, people will kinda get used to you having no opinion, thus they have little respect for you as you have nothing new/interesting to say for yourself.
However it can be nice + refreshing for a person to offer an alternate view
e.g. lets go this bar tonight....ah good idea, I never thought about that before ^^
If you have an actual opinion, you are more interesting to people. < I think that sums it up, forgive my nonsensical rambling, its 3am.
- 21-12-2010 04:09
Being liked and being respected aren't the same thing. Not advocating that you become some arch-criminal mob boss who is respected but reviled or anything but the fact that people who walk all over you like you doesn't mean that they respect you.
- 21-12-2010 04:15
I had to reply to this merely based on the fact that I was once the world's biggest pushover.
Everyone from my friends to my boyfriends noticed how passive I was and took the PISS all the TIME.
You're passive, you need to become more ASSERTIVE.
People like us grew up needing to be 'nice' and 'people pleasers' the reason behind it is all down to self esteem, this is much different to self confidence it's how much you estimate your self.
Us pushovers hold low self esteem and don't view ourselves in the highest light so often put other's before ourselves.
We are also very sensitive, we care too much about about the opinions of others , we are desperate to be what people want us to the extent it becomes pathetic.
STOP. It's an awful way to live, people on this earth can be mean and will take advantage. They already have hence why you are here today, you can become more assertive though.
Being assertive isn't being 'rude' or 'mean' it's the right to say what you want or need without the remorse you normally feel, it's not selfishness either.
Your problem is you give many rights to other people in the way you treat them and not that many to yourself to the way you feel you deserve to be treated.
write down the points and DO IT!. It will be hard but you can do it, you weren't put on this earth to be 'nice' or exploited and taken advantage of.