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    hii... i've been in a relationship with this amazing guy for four years now... and at time i feel so in love, and i feel those little butterflies still when i look at him, or i sneak a peek at him watching tv... but more often than not,,, i just feel like what i feel is what's left after the falling in love part if that makes sense.. i feel like there's a growing distance from my end, which i don't know how to cope with exactly... is this what falling out of love is like? help please
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    Stockholm syndrome?
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    For me, it's a matter of a split-second and then I know/knew it was over. Maybe this happened to you as well but you don't want it to be happen so your subconsciously trying to hold on to him?

    Alternatively, you might just finally got used to him and the butterfly-like experiences are transforming into every-day feelings. But you mentioning a "growing distance" suggests otherwise - it doesn't look like you're just finally getting used to being with each other but that you more and more grow apart. Sorry.
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    Think what's happened is you've had the honeymoon period so maybe things have gone into a routine. Maybe you both need to talk about these things
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    aw thank you for replying! i didnt think i'd get any response! we did... i just feel in a way that his bad habits are really holding me back, because i do love him, and i've tried to help him to much, but he's intrested in things that mess up his life, and i want to move forward and do well in uni and do well in my job etc.. we have talked about it recently that it's become really routine-ish and boring, and that we should do more things and all of that but he keeps smoking up all the time, and becomes soo lazy and am just sick of watching him throw everything away.. he's re-doing his first year for the third time, and am in my third and undergraduate year now... and it kills me cuz i feel like i failed him.. but i've tried to help so much to the point that we'd fight all the time about it about a year or so ago.. i still feel like i love him though i dno what to do
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    (Original post by Aack)
    Stockholm syndrome?
    sarcasm duly noted haha sadly i feel like i can relate
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    (Original post by abds044)
    aw thank you for replying! i didnt think i'd get any response! we did... i just feel in a way that his bad habits are really holding me back, because i do love him, and i've tried to help him to much, but he's intrested in things that mess up his life, and i want to move forward and do well in uni and do well in my job etc.. we have talked about it recently that it's become really routine-ish and boring, and that we should do more things and all of that but he keeps smoking up all the time, and becomes soo lazy and am just sick of watching him throw everything away.. he's re-doing his first year for the third time, and am in my third and undergraduate year now... and it kills me cuz i feel like i failed him.. but i've tried to help so much to the point that we'd fight all the time about it about a year or so ago.. i still feel like i love him though i dno what to do
    Let me be a bit blunt here: He's dragging you down. It's not like you let him down. Obviously, I don't know any specifics, but the way you've been phrasing your message tells me that you do have strong feelings for him - but is it love? Maybe it is rather a felling of letting him down? Is it a feeling of not wanting to see him suffer? Of feeling that if this relationship would end, that you would then take the most stable thing in his life away from him - you?

    Seriously, the fact that you're posting this on TSR and the way you having phrased your messages sound to me like you have major doubts and that it's basically over already - without him having realised it and you're still struggling to do so.

    All advice I can offer is that you should think intensively about what's keeping you to be with him, what makes you smile when you see him (love? sympathy? routine? support?), what would be the best for you.

    You're the person that matters - not him.
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    (Original post by grt)
    Let me be a bit blunt here: He's dragging you down. It's not like you let him down. Obviously, I don't know any specifics, but the way you've been phrasing your message tells me that you do have strong feelings for him - but is it love? Maybe it is rather a felling of letting him down? Is it a feeling of not wanting to see him suffer? Of feeling that if this relationship would end, that you would then take the most stable thing in his life away from him - you?

    Seriously, the fact that you're posting this on TSR and the way you having phrased your messages sound to me like you have major doubts and that it's basically over already - without him having realised it and you're still struggling to do so.

    All advice I can offer is that you should think intensively about what's keeping you to be with him, what makes you smile when you see him (love? sympathy? routine? support?), what would be the best for you.

    You're the person that matters - not him.

    wow. thank you.. i think i needed to read that..
    i don't wana see him suffer.. and i do want to break up, but i couldn't stand picturing him with some stupid bimbo who simply won't understand how and who he really is and what makes him tick.. being faced with the idea of someone you've poured so much of your love and energy into for four years of your life.. and let me say short life for that matter, am 21, is horrible, my heart is heavy just thinking about it.
    i do feel lighter without having to worry about him, i feel free-er and more capable and independent.. we've been throught so much... we're from the small same town, then i went away for uni and we longdistanced for two years saw each other every couple of months.. and i can honestly say that was the most magical time because it just felt so special he was so amazing and loving.. and third year, he went to swansea and i was studying in london for my second year.. that was a disaster all we did was fight cuz all he did was smoke up literally 24 hours a day like - so did all the people around him... he failed that year.. and now he's in london, it's been better, we're together finally in the same city.. we have a lot of sweet moments, he matured quite a bit.. we broke up in the summer [ he broke up with me cuz he thought i was lying to him which he knows i wasn't and never did, he was going crazy over his friend making a move on me which i thought was ridic. cuz he was a mutual one, and a guy i've known for 9 years that i pretty much treated like a sister/girlfriend more than a guy friend - anyways, he did, and i was heartbroken, and i fell for everything that friend said to me, and realized he was right.. long story short after a lot of drama - we got back toghether.. ] and as hard as it is to believe after all of what i just wrote things are good now..relatively speaking.. we have a good time, but there are moments where i just don't know what the hell am i waiting for.. or what am doing being in the relationship.. :s i feel hopelessly confused..
    also about the guyfriend thing.. seriously am not a cheating idiot.. we were broken up he broke up with me over a bbm message blocked me my number and everything after 3 and a half years and asked me to ' get the ef out of his life' more or less... and i was just heartbroken and really lost.. i'm a good person i sware.
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    omg am so sorry i typed so much.
 
 
 
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