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Mixed feelings about my boyfriend of 9 months Watch

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    Me and my friend from halls started dating 9 months ago and currently live in the same house in our uni city. I really enjoy seeing him all the time and love being with him but deep down I know he's not The One. I feel guilty like maybe I'm stringing him along but he scared me 6 weeks into our relationship when he told me he loved me and since then he's basically told me he'd like to spend the rest of our lives together.
    From the start I've felt this guilt regarding him as I don't think I'd like to be with him forever (though I would love to want to, he is such an amazing guy but can't force myself to marry a guy I'm not 100% sure over).

    My feelings change for him all the time. At uni and in our house I spend most of my time with him but back home with friends I don't think about him so much and feel a lot less sure of our relationship when we're not physically together.

    I'm 19yo if that helps. Please don't tell me to dump him or that I'm a bad girlfriend because for now I really enjoy living with him but have always felt guilty that his feelings are always much stronger than mine. What do you suggest?
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    Sounds like he's infatuated with you. If you still want to be in the relationship and enjoy being in it then I don't see why you shouldn't continue. It's not like you're using him. He may feel more strongly about you but that doesn't mean you are heartless for staying with him just because you don't want to marry him.

    Just don't start saying similar things (e.g. you want to spend the rest of your life together) because you feel pressured to. Just go with the flow and see where the relationship goes.

    Though if he's too intense and making you feel uncomfortable, then I guess it might be best to break it off.
    • #2
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    i'm in a similar situation. Don't want to marry my boyfriend, don't see him as the guy i will spend my whole life with. But when i think that means i should break up with him. i start feeling upset. I like him a lot! he insists he loves me and keeps making references to our future etc. So stuck between that stage of not wanting to lead him on, or wanting to leave him. He's what i want right now. and it's too early to say. maybe my feelings will change about him. maybe yours will too. but don't just give up on a relationship you are happy with at the moment. unless you become suffocated, under pressure, or want to experience other relationships, you will know that it's time to break up.
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    (Original post by ratherchloe)
    Sounds like he's infatuated with you. If you still want to be in the relationship and enjoy being in it then I don't see why you shouldn't continue. It's not like you're using him. He may feel more strongly about you but that doesn't mean you are heartless for staying with him just because you don't want to marry him.
    What?

    Her boyfriend put his heart on a plate to her, and that's not an easy thing to do for both a man or a woman. If you respect him, OP, you will stop wasting his time (and your own) by taking the relationship back to friendship. You are essentially keeping him woven in an emotional knot and that's not fair on him, seeing as though he could be with another girl. Would you want to stay in a relationship if the roles were reversed and you felt like he did?
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    Get him to wear a leather trenchcoat and shades and refer to himself as Mr. Anderson, then he will feel more like the One and you can live happily together.
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    (Original post by Roo Bix)
    What?

    Her boyfriend put his heart on a plate to her, and that's not an easy thing to do for both a man or a woman. If you respect him, OP, you will stop wasting his time (and your own) by taking the relationship back to friendship. You are essentially keeping him woven in an emotional knot and that's not fair on him, seeing as though he could be with another girl. Would you want to stay in a relationship if the roles were reversed and you felt like he did?

    Well he told her he loved her at 6 weeks and since then has been saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. They've only been together for 9 months. I don't see how it's wrong to stay with him unless she's been lying and saying she feels the same way - that would be leading him on. Just because she doesn't feel quite as strongly doesn't mean she has no feelings for him at all.
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    (Original post by ratherchloe)
    Well he told her he loved her at 6 weeks and since then has been saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. They've only been together for 9 months. I don't see how it's wrong to stay with him unless she's been lying and saying she feels the same way - that would be leading him on. Just because she doesn't feel quite as strongly doesn't mean she has no feelings for him at all.
    Do you honestly believe that a guy needs no encouragement in order to divulge his feelings? Wouldn't the best thing to have done is set him straight 6 weeks in and not 9 months later? Let alone keep stringing him along for longer according to your logic.
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    (Original post by ratherchloe)
    Sounds like he's infatuated with you. If you still want to be in the relationship and enjoy being in it then I don't see why you shouldn't continue. It's not like you're using him. He may feel more strongly about you but that doesn't mean you are heartless for staying with him just because you don't want to marry him.

    Just don't start saying similar things (e.g. you want to spend the rest of your life together) because you feel pressured to. Just go with the flow and see where the relationship goes.

    Though if he's too intense and making you feel uncomfortable, then I guess it might be best to break it off.
    If the OP was a guy I am quite confident that you would tell him to end it with his girlfriend. :rolleyes: Double standards.
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    (Original post by Roo Bix)
    What?

    Her boyfriend put his heart on a plate to her, and that's not an easy thing to do for both a man or a woman. If you respect him, OP, you will stop wasting his time (and your own) by taking the relationship back to friendship. You are essentially keeping him woven in an emotional knot and that's not fair on him, seeing as though he could be with another girl. Would you want to stay in a relationship if the roles were reversed and you felt like he did?
    This. Get out, you might be happy but its not fair to make him think this is going somewhere when its not. Either put him straight and see what he thinks or let him find someone else.
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    If you ain't happy then you shouldn't be with him, I would save him the pain and end it now so he can actually find someone who really wants him, because at the moment you are stringing the poor lad along. You don't sound ready for a relationship.
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    You want suggestions but you don't want people to tell you to dump him?

    So what exactly are you expecting?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i'm in a similar situation. Don't want to marry my boyfriend, don't see him as the guy i will spend my whole life with. But when i think that means i should break up with him. i start feeling upset. I like him a lot! he insists he loves me and keeps making references to our future etc. So stuck between that stage of not wanting to lead him on, or wanting to leave him. He's what i want right now. and it's too early to say. maybe my feelings will change about him. maybe yours will too. but don't just give up on a relationship you are happy with at the moment. unless you become suffocated, under pressure, or want to experience other relationships, you will know that it's time to break up.
    Omg this
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my friend from halls started dating 9 months ago and currently live in the same house in our uni city. I really enjoy seeing him all the time and love being with him but deep down I know he's not The One. I feel guilty like maybe I'm stringing him along but he scared me 6 weeks into our relationship when he told me he loved me and since then he's basically told me he'd like to spend the rest of our lives together.
    From the start I've felt this guilt regarding him as I don't think I'd like to be with him forever (though I would love to want to, he is such an amazing guy but can't force myself to marry a guy I'm not 100% sure over).

    My feelings change for him all the time. At uni and in our house I spend most of my time with him but back home with friends I don't think about him so much and feel a lot less sure of our relationship when we're not physically together.

    I'm 19yo if that helps. Please don't tell me to dump him or that I'm a bad girlfriend because for now I really enjoy living with him but have always felt guilty that his feelings are always much stronger than mine. What do you suggest?
    stop wasting his time...
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    Sooo basically you're just waiting for someone better to come along. Dump him after Christmas, then you can have a new year and new start for both of you. And give him bk whatever expensive Christmas present he gives you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my friend from halls started dating 9 months ago and currently live in the same house in our uni city. I really enjoy seeing him all the time and love being with him but deep down I know he's not The One. I feel guilty like maybe I'm stringing him along but he scared me 6 weeks into our relationship when he told me he loved me and since then he's basically told me he'd like to spend the rest of our lives together.
    From the start I've felt this guilt regarding him as I don't think I'd like to be with him forever (though I would love to want to, he is such an amazing guy but can't force myself to marry a guy I'm not 100% sure over).

    My feelings change for him all the time. At uni and in our house I spend most of my time with him but back home with friends I don't think about him so much and feel a lot less sure of our relationship when we're not physically together.

    I'm 19yo if that helps. Please don't tell me to dump him or that I'm a bad girlfriend because for now I really enjoy living with him but have always felt guilty that his feelings are always much stronger than mine. What do you suggest?
    The bold part, you need to talk to him about that.

    Nobody can blame you for getting freaked out at the idea of him being so adamant he wants to marry you. It's too full on for such a young relationship. 9 months isn't a long time at all. If he hadn't have said all that, do you think you would feel better in your relationship now?

    If people keep pushing ideas like that, it can result in a very ''claustrophobic'' feeling, and I know that all too well :rolleyes: There's nothing worse than being smothered. You're not a bad girlfriend, you just need to talk to him so he knows how you feel.
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    (Original post by Roo Bix)
    Do you honestly believe that a guy needs no encouragement in order to divulge his feelings? Wouldn't the best thing to have done is set him straight 6 weeks in and not 9 months later? Let alone keep stringing him along for longer according to your logic.
    Well maybe she wanted to see how the relationship went and how she felt about him further down the line. I've had guys tell me they love me early on in relationships but I wouldn't break it off immediately just because I didn't feel the same at that point :/ I give it time to let my feelings develop.

    (Original post by Sithius)
    If the OP was a guy I am quite confident that you would tell him to end it with his girlfriend. :rolleyes: Double standards.
    And no, I don't think so. If he cared about her and made each other happy I don't see why they should call it off when things are good. I guess it all depends on what the OP's boyfriend thinks is the situation - if he's being mislead or whatever.
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    Let me reiterate-I do like him a lot and I'd love to be with him for a long long time except sometimes deep down I'm not entirely sure. I enjoy being with him for the moment and for the foreseeable future but I feel guilty for not completely knowing what I want. He is the most amazing guy ever I just think he scared me getting intense too early and its set the tone for the relationship...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Let me reiterate-I do like him a lot and I'd love to be with him for a long long time except sometimes deep down I'm not entirely sure. I enjoy being with him for the moment and for the foreseeable future but I feel guilty for not completely knowing what I want. He is the most amazing guy ever I just think he scared me getting intense too early and its set the tone for the relationship...
    You're only 19!
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    She can't see herself marrying him so she should just break up with him? Okay. She's said herself that she doesn't want to break up, just that he feels more strongly about her than she does. I guess I'm in a similar situation, I guess, my boyfriend told me that he loved me really early into the relationship and it freaked me out a bit. I love my boyfriend to pieces but I'm not sure I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Are you at home fro Christmas now? Maybe the time apart will allow you to evaluate the relationship, and whether you are really happy with him or just comfortable.
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    (Original post by Philbert)
    She can't see herself marrying him so she should just break up with him? Okay. She's said herself that she doesn't want to break up, just that he feels more strongly about her than she does. I guess I'm in a similar situation, I guess, my boyfriend told me that he loved me really early into the relationship and it freaked me out a bit. I love my boyfriend to pieces but I'm not sure I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Are you at home fro Christmas now? Maybe the time apart will allow you to evaluate the relationship, and whether you are really happy with him or just comfortable.
    Maybe...but we keep in touch a lot and we do live together so it'd be awakrd if we broke up. Anyway I love living with him together in a house, next year though he's doing a year out whilst I'm at uni so that'll be the true test I guess.
 
 
 
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