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I've accidentally unintentionally become a "friend with benefits" Watch

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    I've been seeing this guy for quite a few months. I feel really strongly for him and care a lot about him - i fell hard and fast.

    He didn't/doesn't feel the same.

    It was ok for a while in the early days because we were both on the same page but now that i've really fallen for him it's horrible. We've gone way past the point where any other normal couple would be an actual couple by now. But we're not, because he doesn't want to be.

    He's tried to tell me that it's because he's too scared to let people get that close to him, but I don't believe that at all any more.

    I've tried to walk away (twice) because it hurts so much, but both times have failed. I just can't walk away. I can't be without him.

    We've still got a sexual relationship. We still hang out. We still text and talk everyday.

    How am I supposed to walk away from him???

    It hurts just as much being with him as it does being without him....
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    Try and slow down, convince him that it is ok to get close to you. Or leave and never go back to him, I know its hard but maybe trying to find someone else to take your mind off him might do the trick?
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    When you stay with him, you will continue to hurt.
    When you leave him, the hurt will eventually subside.

    Be strong girl, this is a road you don't want to travel.
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    Same thing almost happened to me once so I understand what your going through.
    if you want something more than 'friends with benifits' talk to him about and try and talk through his problems, if you leave it too long yourll just be a friend forever which will hurt you even more if he meets someone else.
    Otherwise (i know its not what you want to hear) your gonnahave to just walk away and cut off all contact with him for a while. It will beso painful the first week or two, but things do get better, and only then can you begin to build a stable friendship with him.
    Hope this helps xx
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    Story of my life.

    Walk away, it may seem like the worst thing in the world atm- but I promise it will all get better in time, and only then can you get the relationship and love you really want. Being with this chap is like flogging a dead horse, you're giving this your all- like a proper relationship, but you're getting nothing out of it. Stay strong babydoll x
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    #1

    I've talked to him about it quite a few times, and he's explained it all to me. To be fair, his reasons are understandable, but it doesn't explain how he can just block off his feelings - we can't control them.

    So I think that it's just me - and he's just dragging me along because it suits him.

    I like the idea of cutting off all contact with him for a week or two... and then seeing from there if i can still handle having him in my life as a friend. I've tried it, but man it's hard...

    Thankfully I'm off most of the time studying at uni so we're a long way from each other and I won't bump into him... There's just that pesky little problem of trains, phones, computers... aha.
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    Thank you so much for all the advice and support guys - it really does mean a lot to me
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    (Original post by mikeyd85)
    When you stay with him, you will continue to hurt.
    When you leave him, the hurt will eventually subside.

    Be strong girl, this is a road you don't want to travel.
    wise words. Thank you.
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    Open relationships.


    FREE LOVE, MAN. THE WAY FORWARD.
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      (Original post by mikeyd85)
      When you stay with him, you will continue to hurt.
      When you leave him, the hurt will eventually subside.

      Be strong girl, this is a road you don't want to travel.
      Ditto to this.....
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      Stop whatever it is now. I was in this situation a few months ago, it hurt knowing he didn't want to be with me, but the pain is eased when you're together, right?
      But you don't mean anything to him (other than what you already were) and he doesn't see you as a girlfriend. It's horrible to accept I know, but if you distance yourself from him, DON'T do anything sexual with him anymore, eventually like any other crush, you'll be well and truly over him.
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      (Original post by mikeyd85)
      When you stay with him, you will continue to hurt.
      When you leave him, the hurt will eventually subside.
      This.
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      I don't get it, you're practically together. Just unofficially.

      But as others have already said, forget it. He doesn't even feel the same way as you. That's the last thing you would want in a relationship, or whatever it is you guys have. Don't waste your time any longer, wait for a guy who will show you love and want to be with you.
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I've talked to him about it quite a few times, and he's explained it all to me. To be fair, his reasons are understandable, but it doesn't explain how he can just block off his feelings - we can't control them.

      So I think that it's just me - and he's just dragging me along because it suits him.

      I like the idea of cutting off all contact with him for a week or two... and then seeing from there if i can still handle having him in my life as a friend. I've tried it, but man it's hard...

      Thankfully I'm off most of the time studying at uni so we're a long way from each other and I won't bump into him... There's just that pesky little problem of trains, phones, computers... aha.
      Of course it will be hard. But it will get easier and easier, no worries. Just need time. Keep yourself busy with other friends, going out, discovering new things. This should keep you from having time to contact him. You've basically adapted to having to talk to him everyday. If you 're-schedule' your life, it will get easier. You'll see you won't even be thinking of him as much. Good luck girl.
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      (Original post by OceanSoul)
      I don't get it, you're practically together. Just unofficially.

      But as others have already said, forget it. He doesn't even feel the same way as you. That's the last thing you would want in a relationship, or whatever it is you guys have. Don't waste your time any longer, wait for a guy who will show you love and want to be with you.

      When I was under the impression that we would be together, just unofficially, I was ok with that. I don't need to shout it to the world, I'm happy to just be with him.

      But when he makes efforts to prevent me from meeting his friends, when he refers to me as his friend (never as an introduction, only as an "nah, I'm not busy, I'm just with a friend atm" over the phone), makes no effort to cheer me up when i'm really down, makes efforts to hide our "relationship" from the world, makes it perfectly clear that I can't kiss him in public in front of people who know him or me, when he's hints majorly that he doesn't ever want to meet any of my friends...

      That's not being together. That's being an embarassing secret. And that hurts like you wouldn't believe...
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      • Thread Starter
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      (Original post by OceanSoul)
      Of course it will be hard. But it will get easier and easier, no worries. Just need time. Keep yourself busy with other friends, going out, discovering new things. This should keep you from having time to contact him. You've basically adapted to having to talk to him everyday. If you 're-schedule' your life, it will get easier. You'll see you won't even be thinking of him as much. Good luck girl.
      Thankyou
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      When I was under the impression that we would be together, just unofficially, I was ok with that. I don't need to shout it to the world, I'm happy to just be with him.

      But when he makes efforts to prevent me from meeting his friends, when he refers to me as his friend (never as an introduction, only as an "nah, I'm not busy, I'm just with a friend atm" over the phone), makes no effort to cheer me up when i'm really down, makes efforts to hide our "relationship" from the world, makes it perfectly clear that I can't kiss him in public in front of people who know him or me, when he's hints majorly that he doesn't ever want to meet any of my friends...

      That's not being together. That's being an embarassing secret. And that hurts like you wouldn't believe...
      I can imagine.. I understand. But he really is a prick; you would rather be with someone who loves you and is proud to have you beside him! I really hope you have enough strength to move on, wish you all the best. xx
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      Personally I would stay away from someone too immature to act the way they do with you in public.

      Don't be a doormat and put up with it. There are million guys out there who know how to treat a lady in public and in the bedroom so go find one. This guy seems like a loser.
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      Basically. He wants to have sex with other girls.

      So you're just one of many.
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      OP I'm going through basically the exact same thing ! Pm me if you want to talk.
     
     
     
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