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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I am in a long-distant relationship with my boyfriend of 5 months. At first, it was great; we'd talk a lot. But now this contact has dwindled down, leaving me feeling really awful about the changes. I get anxious every day, thinking about him, almost waiting for him to text or contact me. It hurts me how he can go day to day, doing his own thing, without paying as much attention to me as I do to him. It feels like a huge 'treat' to me when we get to speak, but it doesn't feel that he's excited to talk to me. I've talked to him about this, and he's apologised for neglecting me, and feels like a bad boyfriend. He said he loves me, and wants me to be happy, but sometimes feels he can't give me what I need, and I deserve to be treated better. We've had this talk twice, and after I've felt a lot better, since I know he cares. But after a little while again, I feel the same. Whenever we see each other in real life, it's brilliant. This anxiety and sadness can ruin my entire day.
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    Why don't you contact him first instead? If that fails, then there's always sex toys.
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    He has things to do. I used to get the same about my girlfriend but at the end of the day, we have to live our lives and he can't be spending half his day texting you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Consilio Et Animis)
    Why don't you contact him first instead? If that fails, then there's always sex toys.
    I do, but it feels like I'm the one who contacts him first. Or he takes ages to reply.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I get anxious every day, thinking about him, almost waiting for him to text or contact me. It hurts me how he can go day to day, doing his own thing, without paying as much attention to me as I do to him. It feels like a huge 'treat' to me when we get to speak, but it doesn't feel that he's excited to talk to me.
    I have had this problem too, and I've had anxiety attacks because of it, however ridiculous it sounds. If I text my boyfriend and he didn't reply and I knew he wasn't busy I'd be thinking why isn't he replying, isn't he bothered about me or thinking about me or wondering how I am. I didn't tell my boyfriend about it because I thought he'd think I was completly paranoid. I usually speak to my boyfriend on msn and it always feels like I'm the one who has to make him come online, I'm the one sat waiting online as I do not want to pester him to come online. It all seems very one way, like your situation.

    But after being in this relationship for over 2 years, I am now used to it.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have had this problem too, and I've had anxiety attacks because of it, however ridiculous it sounds. If I text my boyfriend and he didn't reply and I knew he wasn't busy I'd be thinking why isn't he replying, isn't he bothered about me or thinking about me or wondering how I am. I didn't tell my boyfriend about it because I thought he'd think I was completly paranoid. I usually speak to my boyfriend on msn and it always feels like I'm the one who has to make him come online, I'm the one sat waiting online as I do not want to pester him to come online. It all seems very one way, like your situation.

    But after being in this relationship for over 2 years, I am now used to it.
    2 years? Wow. I had this problem with my old boyfriend too (after about 4/5 months, the same period), and we ended up breaking up. On my own, I learned to be more independent; we got back together after a few months, and I was happy for 2 more years with him. The relationship ended, but on good terms. With my new boyfriend, the cycle is starting again, and I really don't want it to.

    "I'd be thinking why isn't he replying, isn't he bothered about me or thinking about me or wondering how I am" <-- that's how I get too.

    Maybe you can ask your boyfriend to keep in contact with you more. I talked to my ex-boyfriend about the same issues, which is why I was much happier during the rest of our relationship. I've been doing the same with my current one, so I guess I'll have to wait and see how it turns out. I don't want to be in a relationship where I am more emotionally invested than him - it's not fair. And it's the same for you, you don't have to feel that way, or scared to tell him how you feel. Since my last boyfriend, I've been more open to telling others how I feel, because I know I don't have to 'settle' for something that doesn't make me happy. At the same time, talking and trying to improve things might work, if he cares about you the way you care for him. It needs to feel like you are both equals, not that one cares more than the other.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am in a long-distant relationship with my boyfriend of 5 months. At first, it was great; we'd talk a lot. But now this contact has dwindled down, leaving me feeling really awful about the changes. I get anxious every day, thinking about him, almost waiting for him to text or contact me. It hurts me how he can go day to day, doing his own thing, without paying as much attention to me as I do to him. It feels like a huge 'treat' to me when we get to speak, but it doesn't feel that he's excited to talk to me. I've talked to him about this, and he's apologised for neglecting me, and feels like a bad boyfriend. He said he loves me, and wants me to be happy, but sometimes feels he can't give me what I need, and I deserve to be treated better. We've had this talk twice, and after I've felt a lot better, since I know he cares. But after a little while again, I feel the same. Whenever we see each other in real life, it's brilliant. This anxiety and sadness can ruin my entire day.
    I could have written this myself. Been with him for 4 years, it has been like this for the past few months
    • #4
    #4

    you definately need a break so that he can appreciate missing you and you can work on being happy living your own life too. no one wants to share a life with someone who cant live their own.
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    OP what do you consider to be a long time of no contact from him ?

    It's positive that you feel it's brilliant when you do get to see him.

    Maybe because you enjoy your time with him so much it makes the low of not seeing him worse ?

    Would it be possible to meet up with him more often ?

    In the meantime I think it would be good for you to find out things that trigger the feeling of low (I know you said being apart from your boyfriend but there may be others) and things you can do to cope with your situation such as a job if you don't have one or a hobby or something else to keep you busy. You could even volunteer for a charity.
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    Webcam Sex

    That seems to solve any situation
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lt001)
    OP what do you consider to be a long time of no contact from him ?

    It's positive that you feel it's brilliant when you do get to see him.

    Maybe because you enjoy your time with him so much it makes the low of not seeing him worse ?

    Would it be possible to meet up with him more often ?

    In the meantime I think it would be good for you to find out things that trigger the feeling of low (I know you said being apart from your boyfriend but there may be others) and things you can do to cope with your situation such as a job if you don't have one or a hobby or something else to keep you busy. You could even volunteer for a charity.
    We try to text every day, but it's more the fact that I think I'm more appreciative than he is, more excited for the contact. And I'd like a few 'big' talks during the week (online or on the phone). I miss him, so if I knew he cared as much as I do, that would be enough.

    When I start Uni again, it is possible to meet up more often (weekends, or ever other), but in between visits last term, we didn't have too much contact during the week.

    It's true that I need to keep busy more, but I don't want to be busy for the sole purpose as a distraction from what I feel I 'need' in a relationship, and ignoring any problems.

    Thanks.
 
 
 
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