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Sick of being walked all over. Watch

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    #1

    Please keep anon, i know a few people on here

    Im 18 years old (girl) and have felt like this for a good 2 years. Sorry if this is a bit of a rant! I just feel like im always making the effort with people, and if im lucky il get 20 percent back.

    A few days a go i met up with my friends to give each other pressies for christmas. I spent around 20 quid on them each which i think is a decent amount. from one friend i got a cheapo pair of socks and a ring from topshop. she does this every year, no thought goes into it all. i always end up feeling a bit deflated and "why do i bother" ish. Now, thats just a recent example. My friends rarely text me first, even to see how i am. they only ever text me first if they want something. Im always treated like second best. Even my mum has started doing this, favouring my brother over me all the time. I dont know what to do, i feel really worthless, like i dont matter.

    Id love any advice. Really feeling low.

    Ps, i dont want to seem materialistic (im really not!) in my first example, its just the most recent thing to happen to me that makes me feel like [email protected]
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    If this girl didn't care, she wouldn't give you a present at all!
    You sound like you're a little insecure, so perhaps work on that.. I'm sure you'll realise that you're loved and appreciated :-)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon, i know a few people on here

    Im 18 years old (girl) and have felt like this for a good 2 years. Sorry if this is a bit of a rant! I just feel like im always making the effort with people, and if im lucky il get 20 percent back.

    A few days a go i met up with my friends to give each other pressies for christmas. I spent around 20 quid on them each which i think is a decent amount. from one friend i got a cheapo pair of socks and a ring from topshop. she does this every year, no thought goes into it all. i always end up feeling a bit deflated and "why do i bother" ish. Now, thats just a recent example. My friends rarely text me first, even to see how i am. they only ever text me first if they want something. Im always treated like second best. Even my mum has started doing this, favouring my brother over me all the time. I dont know what to do, i feel really worthless, like i dont matter.

    Id love any advice. Really feeling low.

    Ps, i dont want to seem materialistic (im really not!) in my first example, its just the most recent thing to happen to me that makes me feel like [email protected]
    Buy them cheap Poundland gifts, why bother spending money on people that dont really care about you? Althought that person might not have had money to spare for expensive-ish gifts?
    I feel like that sometimes though :console:
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    You shouldn't feel low, you seem a lot nicer than most people. There is nothing you can really do, if you cry and go on about it your friends and family will for a while take more interest to you but it will fade soon after.

    I would just put up with it, if you don't get invited out to town or something then just text your friends saying " you up for going out tonight?" etc.

    Good luck.
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    Being nice won't get you anywhere these days
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    Get new worthwhile friends who treat you properly. Or, just tell them this, make it clear you're not wanting an arguement or to lose their friendship but just feel quite lonely. If they don't change their ways then they're not worth the fuss, get a new hobby and meet some new people
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon, i know a few people on here

    Im 18 years old (girl) and have felt like this for a good 2 years. Sorry if this is a bit of a rant! I just feel like im always making the effort with people, and if im lucky il get 20 percent back.

    A few days a go i met up with my friends to give each other pressies for christmas. I spent around 20 quid on them each which i think is a decent amount. from one friend i got a cheapo pair of socks and a ring from topshop. she does this every year, no thought goes into it all. i always end up feeling a bit deflated and "why do i bother" ish. Now, thats just a recent example. My friends rarely text me first, even to see how i am. they only ever text me first if they want something. Im always treated like second best. Even my mum has started doing this, favouring my brother over me all the time. I dont know what to do, i feel really worthless, like i dont matter.

    Id love any advice. Really feeling low.

    Ps, i dont want to seem materialistic (im really not!) in my first example, its just the most recent thing to happen to me that makes me feel like [email protected]

    hey ino how you feel, i use to text my mates first etc but now i dont even bother anymore or reply to them, maybe you should do the same, i feel like a nob texing some guy i really like and ino he aint botherd anymore, but it hurts so much, i miss him like mad and then after a couple of days its like i have to text him or explode, but i text him late at night that way ino he is probably asleep so i wont wait for a reply.
    just talk to your mates and tell them how you feel, or try not to talk to them untill they realise theres a problem, the problem with your mum, u should just talk to her.
    ino this is pointless advice. but i just wanted you to no you aint alone in feeling this way
    xx
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    I think you've got self-esteem issues, I would say take no notice of it since your friends buy you cheap stuff can't you do the same? there's not much point in getting each other expensive presents if their only friends anyway. Try to keep your head up, also try not to take notice if you have to be the one to text first. Some people are like that, they don't like initiating a conversation first. Try being more active and engaging when you talk to them they will probably notice you more.

    Like I said, keep your head up.
    • #3
    #3

    This sounds like me a bit I think for me its just I have to put in 100% and I guess other people don't as much. prime example I have to give the perfect gift takes me ages, and on my friends birthdays I usually send a really nice email as I don't get to see them I put thought in. I usually get a text if I am lucky meh I have gotten used to it.

    The thing is last year on my friends birthday I didn't write her an email or do anything I would normally do, and just wrote on her facebook wall (yeh I know lame, but I was in one of those places where it was like I dont give a f*** as everyone else doesn't which is so unlike me!). She got quite angry at me didn't talk to me for a few months and me being stubborn didn't try to make things up (I know childish), and yes it was I who caved in and made the first move. Later she told me she was hurt that I didn't make an effort for her, but she never makes an effort for me. I don't want to lose 10 years of friendship but clearly it didn't matter for her!

    Its just I value friendships quite highly as I only have a selected few, and I've known them for years. The thing is what I am holding onto is the friendship we had way back then, they are not the same people but for some reason I cannot let go!

    You sound like a great friend! But everyone is different!
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    Maybe your friends are less well off than you, maybe they see gifts as something less important. I kinda know how you feel because I went to a private school, and my dad, who is well off spent money on like 4 or 5 court cases so he wouldnt pay for half of my school fees. It's not as bad as that right? my step dad always says you should not think about what you are getting back, you should just give for the sake of it. It annoys me like hell but I think it's good advice.
    Also, are these friends reliable in other ways? Maybe your mum feels that your more responsible than your brother and therefore you need worrying about less.
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    Sick of being walked all over.
    You need one of these: :yep::yep:

    http://www.clker.com/cliparts/d/4/2/...01.svg.med.png
    http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/Co...not_walk-2.jpg
    http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumbla...2936dmm73y.jpg
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    Maybe next year suggest doing a Secret Santa with your friends and set a price limit? I know it doesn't solve your self-esteem issues but at least then you will all make the same amount of effort for presents. Its what I do with my friends, easier and saves money.
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    Is this a riddle?

    You are the pavement!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon, i know a few people on here

    Im 18 years old (girl) and have felt like this for a good 2 years. Sorry if this is a bit of a rant! I just feel like im always making the effort with people, and if im lucky il get 20 percent back.

    A few days a go i met up with my friends to give each other pressies for christmas. I spent around 20 quid on them each which i think is a decent amount. from one friend i got a cheapo pair of socks and a ring from topshop. she does this every year, no thought goes into it all. i always end up feeling a bit deflated and "why do i bother" ish. Now, thats just a recent example. My friends rarely text me first, even to see how i am. they only ever text me first if they want something. Im always treated like second best. Even my mum has started doing this, favouring my brother over me all the time. I dont know what to do, i feel really worthless, like i dont matter.

    Id love any advice. Really feeling low.

    Ps, i dont want to seem materialistic (im really not!) in my first example, its just the most recent thing to happen to me that makes me feel like [email protected]
    To be walked on, you have to be lieing down.

    If you never expect anything from anyone, you can never be disappointed or let down. If I give a gift to someone, I expect nothing in return. I know it's easy to fall in to the trap of thinking 'well I bought something for them so they should buy something for me, it's only good manners' but I'm just happy to give these days. Giving is enough for me. I only give to those who deserve it though, I don't go out of my way to buy presents for everyone.

    If you check the link in my signature, Geoff Thompson talks a lot about this in his articles and podcasts; he calls it tithing. He says whenever you give, it always come back to you, if you give generously and expect nothing in return. It might not come back to you from that person you gave a gift to but it will come back to you eventually. He actually goes on to say that it's selfish to give to people and to expect something in return, it's almost like a bargain: 'I'll give to you so you give to me.'
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My friends rarely text me first, even to see how i am. they only ever text me first if they want something.
    There's one thing that I must say: This is a rare quality in people, and one that I appreciate (and I'm sure, my friends appreciate) to no end. I would love to have someone text me all the time - but, me being the person I am, I don't text back as often and eventually they'll just be like, why bother? I don't blame them, I would have given up sooner.

    I guess what I'm saying is, you should know that you're doing a lot of good to people when you text them asking how they are. They'll never know how much they appreciated you until you're gone. So, my advice? Brush them off for a while and go get a job or a boyfriend or study for like, two weeks. If they come back, great. If not, well, they weren't worth it.
 
 
 
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