Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Hi

    I'm currently in 4th year and i have prelims after the christmas holidays. One of the subjects I'm worried about is English esp. Writing. I plan to od writing papers under the time conditions over the hols. I plan to post my writing up to this fourm so I hope people can comment on them . I am currently sitting at a 3/4 so i want to break into the credit mark . I want to be in a higher class so prelims are important.

    You can comment on any asspect of my writings

    Structure, expression,spelling,punctuation, topic choice, sentence structure, content, paragrahing and even on my writing size if you want.

    This is my first, you can give your opinion and your predicted grade if you want.

    Name:  1.jpg
Views: 123
Size:  84.8 KB
    Name:  2.jpg
Views: 94
Size:  74.8 KB
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    The quality of the scanning isn't brilliant so forgive me if I point out nonexistent errors!

    It seems okay, however there are a few little sentence errors and spelling mistakes. It would be very wise to do a thorough proofread before it's handed in, I presume this is for your portfolio?

    I'll list a few things for you.

    In your first sentence you wrote "Today, Britain along with United States of America" - you should have 'the' before United. I also noticed that you've spelt "center" instead of "centre" on the first page and "certainly" as "certainley" on the second page. These are just little errors that once are sorted out can really help boost the fluency of your essay and of course your final grade!

    In your first paragraph you use 'problems' repeatedly, try finding synonyms.

    I couldn't tell whether you'd written '20' or '50' when talking about the minutes of exercise required daily. If you have written 20 then your statement is mathematically incorrect as 300 minutes (5 hours) / 7 = approx. 42 minutes). I apologise if I'm wrong.

    You use the word "sadistic" to describe the government's point of view, this doesn't seem appropriate reflecting the argument you're making IMO.

    I really like your paragraph on Britain's lack of sporting success and your closing statement is strong.

    Apart from a few things you should sort out, it's a good essay. Please don't be put off by me pointing out errors as I assure you there is a lot of commendable stuff in there.

    I'm not a teacher or anything (in fact I'm in 4th year myself!) but judging from what I've seen from other graded essays, you'd be looking perhaps at a credit grade 2 once you've cleaned it up a bit. If you want a second opinion from someone who can really give you a credible report, I suggest you ask some of the English scholars on here.

    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=65

    Good luck with your prelim, you'll be fine. You'll be ahead of many others with the practice you're doing; obesity is a good topic to do too as these often pop up in past papers.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Habitué)
    The quality of the scanning isn't brilliant so forgive me if I point out nonexistent errors!

    It seems okay, however there are a few little sentence errors and spelling mistakes. It would be very wise to do a thorough proofread before it's handed in, I presume this is for your portfolio?




    I'll list a few things for you.

    In your first sentence you wrote "Today, Britain along with United States of America" - you should have 'the' before United. I also noticed that you've spelt "center" instead of "centre" on the first page and "certainly" as "certainley" on the second page. These are just little errors that once are sorted out can really help boost the fluency of your essay and of course your final grade!

    In your first paragraph you use 'problems' repeatedly, try finding synonyms.

    I couldn't tell whether you'd written '20' or '50' when talking about the minutes of exercise required daily. If you have written 20 then your statement is mathematically incorrect as 300 minutes (5 hours) / 7 = approx. 42 minutes). I apologise if I'm wrong.

    You use the word "sadistic" to describe the government's point of view, this doesn't seem appropriate reflecting the argument you're making IMO.

    I really like your paragraph on Britain's lack of sporting success and your closing statement is strong.

    Apart from a few things you should sort out, it's a good essay. Please don't be put off by me pointing out errors as I assure you there is a lot of commendable stuff in there.

    I'm not a teacher or anything (in fact I'm in 4th year myself!) but judging from what I've seen from other graded essays, you'd be looking perhaps at a credit grade 2 once you've cleaned it up a bit. If you want a second opinion from someone who can really give you a credible report, I suggest you ask some of the English scholars on here.

    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=65

    Good luck with your prelim, you'll be fine. You'll be ahead of many others with the practice you're doing; obesity is a good topic to do too as these often pop up in past papers.
    Thank you for replying i hade putted this post on for like 2 days and youre the only reply However you opionion does seem crediable and worthwhile to listen/read to.

    Its not for the Protfollio it basically writing practise for the prelim , you know the one that gives toy 22 topics and write an essay in 1hr and 15 minutes!

    This part of the exam is the weakest for me so im trying to put essays up the fourm so tht i can have a 2nd opinion on.( it doesnt seem to be working)

    P.S HAve you sat youre prelims?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by animelover123)
    Thank you for replying i hade putted this post on for like 2 days and youre the only reply However you opionion does seem crediable and worthwhile to listen/read to.

    Its not for the Protfollio it basically writing practise for the prelim , you know the one that gives toy 22 topics and write an essay in 1hr and 15 minutes!

    This part of the exam is the weakest for me so im trying to put essays up the fourm so tht i can have a 2nd opinion on.( it doesnt seem to be working)

    P.S HAve you sat youre prelims?
    I hate that exam, I can never decide what to write about. I'm happy to give you a second opinion on any essays, just send me a PM and I'll get back to you.

    I sat all my prelims in November.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Habitué)
    I hate that exam, I can never decide what to write about. I'm happy to give you a second opinion on any essays, just send me a PM and I'll get back to you.

    I sat all my prelims in November.
    Do you have msn.. if so i can send my essay through it rather than scanning them and its nt very gd quality like you said.

    What subjects did you do ?

    What kind of essay did you do ?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by animelover123)
    Hi

    I'm currently in 4th year and i have prelims after the christmas holidays. One of the subjects I'm worried about is English esp. Writing. I plan to od writing papers under the time conditions over the hols. I plan to post my writing up to this fourm so I hope people can comment on them . I am currently sitting at a 3/4 so i want to break into the credit mark . I want to be in a higher class so prelims are important.

    You can comment on any asspect of my writings

    Structure, expression,spelling,punctuation, topic choice, sentence structure, content, paragrahing and even on my writing size if you want.

    This is my first, you can give your opinion and your predicted grade if you want.

    Name:  1.jpg
Views: 123
Size:  84.8 KB
    Name:  2.jpg
Views: 94
Size:  74.8 KB
    I see you've already got a reply, but I'll try and help anyway.

    First of all, I think you've written it quite well. It flows really smoothly and there's some good expression used. One thing that I wasn't sure was good was the fact that you use 'I' a lot. I was told by my English teacher not to do that too much (or at all) in essays, so maybe tone it down a little? Also, paragraphing isn't that clear - might be better taking a new line each time (although I know some teachers tell you to write like this, so if so, ignore this).

    Topic wise, it's a good one to write about, albeit probably a popular choice. Minor errors (like what the poster above said), but apart from that it's well written and convincing. Not sure if you're supposed to write numbers like that (i.e 20 instead of 'twenty') but I might just be being picky.

    Overall, I think it could easily be a credit or very high general. Continue to improve (and mature) expression - as this will be good for if you want to do higher, and keep practising writing essays as well. From the example essay you've posted, I think you'll do very well.

    Hope this was of some help to you. If you need any more help feel free to ask - I got all 1s in Standard Grade and an A in Higher (as well as sitting Advanced Higher this year :eek:), so hopefully I will be able to help.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hi,

    I do have MSN, message me with your e-mail address.

    I took Maths, English, Chemistry, Physics, Latin, Computing Studies and Music. How about you?

    In my prelim I did an essay entitled "are we alone in the universe" which I suppose was supposed to be a discursive, opinionated piece. I ended up writing a philosophic piece concentrating on how we thrive and evolve as an intelligent race by asking these questions. It was pretty weird and I was told by the marker that is was 'unique' but I got a 1 in the end so was very pleased!

    Where about in Scotland are you studying?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by draconia_93)
    I see you've already got a reply, but I'll try and help anyway.

    First of all, I think you've written it quite well. It flows really smoothly and there's some good expression used. One thing that I wasn't sure was good was the fact that you use 'I' a lot. I was told by my English teacher not to do that too much (or at all) in essays, so maybe tone it down a little? Also, paragraphing isn't that clear - might be better taking a new line each time (although I know some teachers tell you to write like this, so if so, ignore this).

    Topic wise, it's a good one to write about, albeit probably a popular choice. Minor errors (like what the poster above said), but apart from that it's well written and convincing. Not sure if you're supposed to write numbers like that (i.e 20 instead of 'twenty') but I might just be being picky.

    Overall, I think it could easily be a credit or very high general. Continue to improve (and mature) expression - as this will be good for if you want to do higher, and keep practising writing essays as well. From the example essay you've posted, I think you'll do very well.

    Hope this was of some help to you. If you need any more help feel free to ask - I got all 1s in Standard Grade and an A in Higher (as well as sitting Advanced Higher this year :eek:), so hopefully I will be able to help.
    Haha, stealing my thunder are we?

    Take the opportunity to get advice from an Advanced Higher candidate as I can only help you so much being a Standard Grade pupil like yourself.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Habitué)
    Haha, stealing my thunder are we?
    :innocent: ...oh well. Sorry about that! :laugh: Do you want it back?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by draconia_93)
    :innocent: ...oh well. Sorry about that! :laugh: Do you want it back?
    Yes, I'm fighting back tears!

    No, don't worry I was only joking. Try not to feel guilty.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Habitué)
    Yes, I'm fighting back tears!

    No, don't worry I was only joking. Try not to feel guilty.
    Haha, I was just humouring you too!

    (Original post by Habitué)
    Take the opportunity to get advice from an Advanced Higher candidate as I can only help you so much being a Standard Grade pupil like yourself.
    Just noticed that part of your post. Makes me feel so old amongst you young 'uns! (Wait a minute...I only sat Standard Grade two years ago. :eek:) Feels like many a year ago. Those were the days of writing one word answers and being able to do homework the night before. :sigh:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by draconia_93)
    Haha, I was just humouring you too!



    Just noticed that part of your post. Makes me feel so old amongst you young 'uns! (Wait a minute...I only sat Standard Grade two years ago. :eek:) Feels like many a year ago. Those were the days of writing one word answers and being able to do homework the night before. :sigh:
    Thanks guys for your replys , im grate ful that people have token time to read my essays, as i know it can be quite boring sometimes.

    I will definately need both of your help as, it is safe to say im pretty rubbish haha.

    And Dracona... An A in ADV Higehr English , you must be some smart arse.

    And . Habitude. I study in Glasgow u?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by animelover123)
    Thanks guys for your replys , im grate ful that people have token time to read my essays, as i know it can be quite boring sometimes.

    I will definately need both of your help as, it is safe to say im pretty rubbish haha.

    And Dracona... An A in ADV Higehr English , you must be some smart arse.

    And . Habitude. I study in Scotland u?
    Haha, I'm only sitting Advanced Higher this year, so no A yet! (Sorry for the confusion! ) But one can hope! And no, you're not rubbish at all! You'll improve so much from now, and loads when you study Higher I can assure you! I now look back on Standard Grade essays and think :eek: 'how could I have written like that and gotten the marks?'

    I'm happy to have a look over anything if you need me to.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by draconia_93)
    Haha, I'm only sitting Advanced Higher this year, so no A yet! (Sorry for the confusion! ) But one can hope! And no, you're not rubbish at all! You'll improve so much from now, and loads when you study Higher I can assure you! I now look back on Standard Grade essays and think :eek: 'how could I have written like that and gotten the marks?'

    I'm happy to have a look over anything if you need me to.
    Ok i'll PM you my MSN addy assuming you have it ?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by animelover123)
    Ok i'll PM you my MSN addy assuming you have it ?
    Ive looked at your profile with all the subjects youve done and just relized you do most of the subjects i do, so i can ask you more than english
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by animelover123)
    Ok i'll PM you my MSN addy assuming you have it ?
    (Original post by animelover123)
    Ive looked at your profile with all the subjects youve done and just relized you do most of the subjects i do, so i can ask you more than english
    Yup I've got MSN - haven't actually got round to using it yet but I have it. Yeah, sure thing. What subjects are you sitting this year?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by draconia_93)
    Yup I've got MSN - haven't actually got round to using it yet but I have it. Yeah, sure thing. What subjects are you sitting this year?
    Im doing

    English
    MAths
    Phsyics
    french
    business managemnt
    Administartion
    history
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by animelover123)
    Im doing

    English
    MAths
    Phsyics
    french
    business managemnt
    Administartion
    history
    Good subject choices! I must admit that Higher History is much better than Standard Grade, especially if you get to study Russia. Standard Grade Maths and Physics go very well with each other, especially the equations.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by draconia_93)
    Good subject choices! I must admit that Higher History is much better than Standard Grade, especially if you get to study Russia. Standard Grade Maths and Physics go very well with each other, especially the equations.
    Haha thanks.. Yes I agree the Standard grade History course is very very boring esp. the britain topic and it only gets better when you get to Nazi Germany .... I mean thats a whole of 3rd year doing something extremley boring.

    I plan to do Business Management, Physcis French English and Maths next year
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by animelover123)
    Haha thanks.. Yes I agree the Standard grade History course is very very boring esp. the britain topic and it only gets better when you get to Nazi Germany .... I mean thats a whole of 3rd year doing something extremley boring.

    I plan to do Business Management, Physcis French English and Maths next year
    Ah, you're doing the exact same topics that we did in Standard Grade. It's pretty boring for most of it, but Nazi Germany is fairly interesting. Once you study Britain at Higher it gets much better.

    Oh no, don't do Higher Maths! They seem to be good choices, although it depends what you want to study at university. I've only done two of those Highers, so I'm not sure what the workload is like.
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
    Applying to university
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.