Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

How do I politely tell someone to respect my space? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anon or delete please.

    Basically, I have a friend who is lonely and has no partner. She is very needy, clingy, selfish and emotionally draining. The world revolves around her. She leaves me tons of messages online, and if I am not there for her, she will resort to emailing me to texting me to calling my mobile to calling my house phone to knocking on my home front door. If this isn't an invasion of privacy/space, I do not know what is?

    I am at the end of my tether as to what to do? I find it disrespectful and downright annoying/out of order. She is just a friend, but even her mother brings her around to my home (without invitation) to knock on my front door. (Twice within 3 hours). I have already changed mobile numbers which was already irritating enough and now she leaves recorded messages on my home phone.

    I have my own life and space, and any sane respectful person out there knows that each individual has a certain line drawn. This is just crossing the limits. It seems to me that this girl has emotional problems and needs to seek help for a personality disorder of some sort.

    How do I tell her to leave me alone without saying outright, 'f**k off'.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    This also happens too when we are at university during term time. We are at university at opposite sides of the country. In this scenario, she will not come to my house obviously, but the rest applies.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Oh god, that sounds annoying.

    I have no real advice except perhaps sit her down and talk to her and tell her you think you need space or you find the amount of times she phones you frustrating.

    It seems weird that her mum brings her round because it's like her mum's encouraging that behaviour.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I would find that really annoying. I would say it to her face but respectitively , but knowing she has the message of like not contacting you again. :bike:
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    maybe try and get her a partner
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    She is such a nazi that if I asked her to respect my space and that what she is doing is disrespectful, she will be offended for sure and not take it well. Even my family are affected the the actions of this girl because when the phone rings or she knocks on my door, they wonder what the hell is going on.

    I also find it strange as to why her mother brings her around to knock numerous times in such a short span of time. If I attempt to relate to a normal parent's mind, I would be embarrassed to do such a thing and actually tell the offspring that maybe it isn't such a good idea and to wait till next time.

    The word 'tons' applies to the emails, texts, calls to mobile/housephone and door knocking.
    She is manipulative and controlling, and will do whatever to get her own way. If I say that I can't do something i.e go somewhere, she will put words in my mouth and tell me what to do. For example, I am battling with the flu and have told her I have no energy to go out. She will say, 'But flu lasts for 5 days'. Who is she to tell me what is best for me? What I should do? and yes, the symptoms of flu may last for 5 days, but the remaining after-effects still persist.

    I am at my wits end, but I don't want to say 'f**k off'.
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She is such a nazi that if I asked her to respect my space and that what she is doing is disrespectful, she will be offended for sure and not take it well. Even my family are affected the the actions of this girl because when the phone rings or she knocks on my door, they wonder what the hell is going on.

    I also find it strange as to why her mother brings her around to knock numerous times in such a short span of time. If I attempt to relate to a normal parent's mind, I would be embarrassed to do such a thing and actually tell the offspring that maybe it isn't such a good idea and to wait till next time.

    The word 'tons' applies to the emails, texts, calls to mobile/housephone and door knocking.
    She is manipulative and controlling, and will do whatever to get her own way. If I say that I can't do something i.e go somewhere, she will put words in my mouth and tell me what to do. For example, I am battling with the flu and have told her I have no energy to go out. She will say, 'But flu lasts for 5 days'. Who is she to tell me what is best for me? What I should do? and yes, the symptoms of flu may last for 5 days, but the remaining after-effects still persist.

    I am at my wits end, but I don't want to say 'f**k off'.
    "Look, I have to tell you the truth. My girlfriend has MAJOR issues with how close we are. I'm really sorry... she means the world to me and I don't want to lose her. You should try hanging out with Amy, though, I'm pretty sure she's free all week."
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Just make a story that goes like this....
    Hey, can you please not contact me through my house phone you can say that there was a family member in the hospital and you didnt know because she engaged the house phone. Say you ran out of credit to reply to her texts when you just dont feel like replying. Dont open the door when she knocks (dont do that all the time though).
    In the mean time find her a boyfriend.

    just plainly tell her your family doesnt like constant phone calls and knocking on the door.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by humy369)
    maybe try and get her a partner
    She's had several relationships and each of these guys could not stand her. They have even cheated on her just to make the break-up easier. I would be crucified for recommending a guy mate to this girl. As you can see, I am only a friend (not best friend) and even her personality is driving me crackers, can you see what it may do to the male species?

    I am beginning to think she has mental/personality disorder from her actions such as frequent visits each month to the hairdressers to pay and have her hair done (when there is nothing wrong with it), to spending 6 hours per day to get ready before she leaves the house, to applying to study abroad to be close to an ex-boyfriend who cheated on her (who is living with the girl he cheated on her with).

    To be frank, I guess this is a girl who needs help and I can only feel sorry for her, as she is affecting more than one individual in life or so it seems come to think of it now.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SkyNinja)
    Just make a story that goes like this....
    Hey, can you please not contact me through my house phone you can say that there was a family member in the hospital and you didnt know because she engaged the house phone. Say you ran out of credit to reply to her texts when you just dont feel like replying. Dont open the door when she knocks (dont do that all the time though).
    In the mean time find her a boyfriend.

    just plainly tell her your family doesnt like constant phone calls and knocking on the door.
    Thanks for some of this advice.
    I left her knocking and standing in the snow, but she reappeared later. (To be honest, I was sick from flu too). She had no luck with the door knocking that she resorted to abusing my home phone of which I did answer 1) From feeling bad from leaving her standing in the snow 2) I hoped that answering one would put an end to it all. However, I announced that I must go and eat my dinner. She had trouble respecting this, so I had to say I had things on the hob which was the truth. After dinner, I felt terrible from flu and went to sleep only for her to ring my home phone of which I did not answer and she left a string of messages. A few hours later, she was texting me again.

    I do not know how she can be the person she is, or how she became the person she is...but one thing for sure is, she cannot go on like this.

    Like I mentioned above, we are at unis at opposite ends of the country but for every friend she has at uni, she has driven them away. For every accommodation she has lived in, she has had to move due to fights i.e girls throwing jam at her door. I am now beginning to think maybe she had done something to trigger somebody to resort to such actions. However, she will obviously tell me a different story to win my sympathy.

    Thanks anyway
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am beginning to think she has mental/personality disorder from her actions such as frequent visits each month to the hairdressers to pay and have her hair done (when there is nothing wrong with it), to spending 6 hours per day to get ready before she leaves the house, to applying to study abroad to be close to an ex-boyfriend who cheated on her (who is living with the girl he cheated on her with).
    Wow she's crazy. It's like she has asperger and she is a psychopath at the same time. I would get a restraining order if I would know anyone like that because that is just plain creepy. I can't understand how someone can even spend 6 hours to get ready. I use max 2 hours if I'm using computer/watching TV at the same time. Without them it takes 30 mins if I need to pack my things.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for some of this advice.
    I left her knocking and standing in the snow, but she reappeared later. (To be honest, I was sick from flu too). She had no luck with the door knocking that she resorted to abusing my home phone of which I did answer 1) From feeling bad from leaving her standing in the snow 2) I hoped that answering one would put an end to it all. However, I announced that I must go and eat my dinner. She had trouble respecting this, so I had to say I had things on the hob which was the truth. After dinner, I felt terrible from flu and went to sleep only for her to ring my home phone of which I did not answer and she left a string of messages. A few hours later, she was texting me again.

    I do not know how she can be the person she is, or how she became the person she is...but one thing for sure is, she cannot go on like this.

    Like I mentioned above, we are at unis at opposite ends of the country but for every friend she has at uni, she has driven them away. For every accommodation she has lived in, she has had to move due to fights i.e girls throwing jam at her door. I am now beginning to think maybe she had done something to trigger somebody to resort to such actions. However, she will obviously tell me a different story to win my sympathy.

    Thanks anyway
    No problem .
    Has she recently broken up with someone? this could be the cause. I think she just wants male attention. I dont think you should say anything to her directly otherwise things can get worse. The starting point i think should be is to stop her ringing on the house phone. After that dont reply to her messages that often. If she turns up to your house, open the door and most of the time say " you should have told me you were coming, i was just going to visit (a family member/friend)". Or make up another excuse.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Yes, I have come to the conclusion that she is. I don't want to think that she is crazy because she is a friend. Hence, why I can only feel sorry for her as she deeply needs help.

    I saw the true reality of this girl's life (6hrs to get ready) when I was a guest at her home. I commented on this and she did not like it. We were meant to be out the door 11am, but she over-ran and was ready by 2pm past midday and the outing plans initially made were ruined. She made sure we didn't eat later on as a punishment.

    The reason why I am at my wits end is due to the fact that I have tried ignoring her which does not work...I have tried answering once to put an end to it which does not work. My only last resort would mean I would literally have to be nasty to her for her to stop. I am not a nasty person by nature, I do not want to be nasty to her (Really do not, hence why I still haven't done so), but this is getting too much and interfering with my life and people around me, not to mention her poor ex.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    **** off mate you ****ing ********, stop ****ing invading my ****ing space.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    You better back the **** up. Before you get smacked the **** up.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by anonymous)
    anon or delete please.

    Basically, i have a friend who is lonely and has no partner. She is very needy, clingy, selfish and emotionally draining. The world revolves around her. She leaves me tons of messages online, and if i am not there for her, she will resort to emailing me to texting me to calling my mobile to calling my house phone to knocking on my home front door. If this isn't an invasion of privacy/space, i do not know what is?

    I am at the end of my tether as to what to do? I find it disrespectful and downright annoying/out of order. She is just a friend, but even her mother brings her around to my home (without invitation) to knock on my front door. (twice within 3 hours). I have already changed mobile numbers which was already irritating enough and now she leaves recorded messages on my home phone.

    I have my own life and space, and any sane respectful person out there knows that each individual has a certain line drawn. This is just crossing the limits. It seems to me that this girl has emotional problems and needs to seek help for a personality disorder of some sort.

    how do i tell her to leave me alone without saying outright, 'f**k off'.
    get the hell out of here!!!!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SkyNinja)
    No problem .
    Has she recently broken up with someone? this could be the cause. I think she just wants male attention. I dont think you should say anything to her directly otherwise things can get worse. The starting point i think should be is to stop her ringing on the house phone. After that dont reply to her messages that often. If she turns up to your house, open the door and most of the time say " you should have told me you were coming, i was just going to visit (a family member/friend)". Or make up another excuse.
    1 yr ago her bf cheated on her to make the break-up easier. 1 yr on, she has devoted her university studies to follow this ex and be with him. He has a new gf who lives with him though (The girl he cheated on her with). Yes, she does like male attention. The last ex was her 7th relationship, not including all the regular weeklyone night stands she's had which would take the count of her sexual partners over 15 or 20 people for sure.

    I have also noticed obsessive behaviour from her with regards to doing things in her life as if certain males would care, but these males have new lives with new gfs. E.g. 'So and so would love this, so and so's gf would be so jealous of this, I'm going to put this on Facebook so so and so can see it'.

    To be honest, I don't think stopping her ringing on the house phone, or not replying to her texts would do much, as she will only resort to another way of having communication with me. She hasn't really left me any choice, to put it bluntly, currently if I could get a restraining order on her, I would.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    If I can recall, the last time she told me her sexual encounters count was around the number of 80. I do believe she has emotional/mental/personality/social problems and her actions do not help. She sleeps with more and more guys with the response, 'Everybody is going to be so jealous of me, the fact that I can get all these guys'. She actually fails to see the true reality and motives as to why these guys use and abuse her - Because she lets them. The end result is, as an individual she becomes even more f**ked up. She isn't doing herself any justice.

    If I am entirely honest, I actually do not want to associate myself with her any longer. I am watching a girl fall to pieces because she does not help herself, and in the long-term, she is affecting my life, my relationships with other people because she constantly needs me, my space, my health. She has turned from a friend to becoming a burden and I have tried being there for her because I am nice and understanding for all this time, but she is taking advantage of this and abusing the friendship trust.

    We'll see what happens by the end of this week...
    Thanks everybody for your input/help
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SkyNinja)
    No problem .
    Has she recently broken up with someone? this could be the cause. I think she just wants male attention. I dont think you should say anything to her directly otherwise things can get worse. The starting point i think should be is to stop her ringing on the house phone. After that dont reply to her messages that often. If she turns up to your house, open the door and most of the time say " you should have told me you were coming, i was just going to visit (a family member/friend)". Or make up another excuse.
    It's still not normal even though guys may think that all girls are crazy. But that's just too much. She just seems quite narcissist person who can't understand how she should act as a person. Or maybe she does but she chooses to play innocent.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, I have come to the conclusion that she is. I don't want to think that she is crazy because she is a friend. Hence, why I can only feel sorry for her as she deeply needs help.

    I saw the true reality of this girl's life (6hrs to get ready) when I was a guest at her home. I commented on this and she did not like it. We were meant to be out the door 11am, but she over-ran and was ready by 2pm past midday and the outing plans initially made were ruined. She made sure we didn't eat later on as a punishment.

    The reason why I am at my wits end is due to the fact that I have tried ignoring her which does not work...I have tried answering once to put an end to it which does not work. My only last resort would mean I would literally have to be nasty to her for her to stop. I am not a nasty person by nature, I do not want to be nasty to her (Really do not, hence why I still haven't done so), but this is getting too much and interfering with my life and people around me, not to mention her poor ex.
    Kind people like you usually end up ruining their lives because they don't want to hurt other peoples feelings, no matter how rude or crazy they are. Think about your family and friends, eventually it will affect them too. Is she ever jealous about your other friends? I don't think that anything else will work, you'll have to be nasty to her. She just doesn't seem to understand what's right and what's wrong. And by looking at her actions, I would say that she is a very controlling person. She tries to control her actions, her appearance. She tries to be perfect. And I believe she tries to control you too. It may be about your looks, your friends, your decisions and other parts of your life. Does she try to control you? I'm not a professional but she seems really psychotic and narcissist.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    1 yr ago her bf cheated on her to make the break-up easier. 1 yr on, she has devoted her university studies to follow this ex and be with him. He has a new gf who lives with him though (The girl he cheated on her with). Yes, she does like male attention. The last ex was her 7th relationship, not including all the regular weeklyone night stands she's had which would take the count of her sexual partners over 15 or 20 people for sure.

    I have also noticed obsessive behaviour from her with regards to doing things in her life as if certain males would care, but these males have new lives with new gfs. E.g. 'So and so would love this, so and so's gf would be so jealous of this, I'm going to put this on Facebook so so and so can see it'.

    To be honest, I don't think stopping her ringing on the house phone, or not replying to her texts would do much, as she will only resort to another way of having communication with me. She hasn't really left me any choice, to put it bluntly, currently if I could get a restraining order on her, I would.
    I see... Does she have other male friends? if not i think shes not going to leave you until you become one of her sexual partners. Some people are like this and if you do something wrong it can lead to her commiting suicide as you know she already has some issues mentally. The only thing i can suggest now is to talk to her parents and see if they can do something....unless its ok with them that their daughter has slept with 20 guyz...then your f***ed lol.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 26, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.