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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey.

    I've got an issue- I'm male, but for years have felt like I want to be a female, or androgynous. I just feel totally unable to express this, at all though. My parents would never really look at me in the same way again, i'm sure of this. How can they possibly be proud of a son who isn't doing well at A Level, and who isn't even sure of their gender?

    This wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't having a significant impact on my academic and social life. I get nervous around people as it is, and find it hard to trust. Since high school i've been stabbed in the back by those I get close to, and it has happened again recently. I feel totally 'outside' the friendship group i'm in right now, and i've been told it's just because i'm "New to the circle".

    I live rurally, so expressing myself by wearing feminine clothes would lead to... bad things, I can understand this- but i'm concerned that when I if I get into Uni (miraculously) things won't change. I can't imagine what flatmates in Halls of Residence would think seeing that they have to share a room with someone who is cross-dressing/looking 'different'.

    I have a sexuality issue relating to this too- I know i'm definately "into" girls, but, when asked about my ideal partner, I can't be sure that it would be a girl. I have a 'thing' for androgynous/feminine Asian males, and have no idea if this is even natural- but in all honesty, if I had to pick an ideal partner, that'd be how it is.

    This topic is, I suppose, as much just to air this as anything else, but all advice would be great. I just really have no clue what to do.
    • #1
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    #1

    Also, is this unnatural? A few people who know treat me very... differently, now they know.
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    I was like this once. Then I noticed I had a penis and I was like "oh yeah duhhhhh"
    • #2
    #2

    i felt this way a year or so ago. for me, the feeling went away very quickly.

    how did it go away? i got a few girls, and i soon realised i was happy with myself and who i was born as.

    I wish you luck.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i felt this way a year or so ago. for me, the feeling went away very quickly.

    how did it go away? i got a few girls, and i soon realised i was happy with myself and who i was born as.

    I wish you luck.
    Sadly I have felt like this for years. I assumed it was just to do with puberty etc. when I first started feeling this way, but the fact I still feel this way, and more strongly than ever, make me feel that this truly is "Who I am".

    I was in a 3 year relationship with a girl, and it still didn't go, so sadly, the girl thing didn't work for me.

    (Yes, I was happy in that relationship for the first 2 and a half years).
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    I know how you feel.

    I'm a female, but I've never felt particularly feminine. I'm lucky in the fact that I dress and behave in a 'masculine' fashion without too much trouble, but I get a little down sometimes.

    I think the best thing to do is to be honest with yourself. You are who you are. If others can't deal with it, then that's their issue, but if you're stopping yourself from being comfortable for their sake, then that's a problem.

    Good luck, Anon.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Also, is this unnatural? A few people who know treat me very... differently, now they know.
    No, it's not at all unnatural, not everyone fits into a definite gender, and I'm not talking just about people who are born as one gender on the outside but definitely feel like they should be another. There's more of a spectrum, with some people feeling like they belong right in the middle with no gender at all. People shouldn't treat you differently, maybe they don't understand or maybe they just aren't real friends.
    • #1
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    (Original post by najinaji)
    I know how you feel.

    I'm a female, but I've never felt particularly feminine. I'm lucky in the fact that I dress and behave in a 'masculine' fashion without too much trouble, but I get a little down sometimes.

    I think the best thing to do is to be honest with yourself. You are who you are. If others can't deal with it, then that's their issue, but if you're stopping yourself from being comfortable for their sake, then that's a problem.

    Good luck, Anon.
    The main issue is that, by expressing such feelings (where I currently live), i'll probably just get beaten up. Also, I don't know how my parents would react. I told my mother once, and she didn't believe me, and told me that it was likely just a phase. This really isn't the case. I feel great when I can dress is an androgynous way, but sadly, that is rare.


    (Original post by Snap.Crackle.Pop.)
    No, it's not at all unnatural, not everyone fits into a definite gender, and I'm not talking just about people who are born as one gender on the outside but definitely feel like they should be another. There's more of a spectrum, with some people feeling like they belong right in the middle with no gender at all. People shouldn't treat you differently, maybe they don't understand or maybe they just aren't real friends.
    That would more accurately describe my situation. I always wonder whether they are true friends or not. I doubt they are, as I am never able to 'fit' with any friend group for very long, and these people are new to me. I mean, although I am treated differently, they still accept me, I think. I just hate the fact that now they know this, they feel they need to be very careful with what they say around me- i'd rather just be treated normally! (I have tried explaining that too).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey.

    I've got an issue- I'm male, but for years have felt like I want to be a female, or androgynous. I just feel totally unable to express this, at all though. My parents would never really look at me in the same way again, i'm sure of this. How can they possibly be proud of a son who isn't doing well at A Level, and who isn't even sure of their gender?

    This wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't having a significant impact on my academic and social life. I get nervous around people as it is, and find it hard to trust. Since high school i've been stabbed in the back by those I get close to, and it has happened again recently. I feel totally 'outside' the friendship group i'm in right now, and i've been told it's just because i'm "New to the circle".

    I live rurally, so expressing myself by wearing feminine clothes would lead to... bad things, I can understand this- but i'm concerned that when I if I get into Uni (miraculously) things won't change. I can't imagine what flatmates in Halls of Residence would think seeing that they have to share a room with someone who is cross-dressing/looking 'different'.

    I have a sexuality issue relating to this too- I know i'm definately "into" girls, but, when asked about my ideal partner, I can't be sure that it would be a girl. I have a 'thing' for androgynous/feminine Asian males, and have no idea if this is even natural- but in all honesty, if I had to pick an ideal partner, that'd be how it is.

    This topic is, I suppose, as much just to air this as anything else, but all advice would be great. I just really have no clue what to do.
    The good news is that if by Asian you mean oriental Asian, there are no shortage of these.
    • #3
    #3

    I'm a girl but I used to feel similarly.
    I eventually accepted being female (pretty much... :erm: ) at 17ish, so things can still change as you get older.
    Though you would be surprised by how tolerant people can be at Universities, if you go you should explore this.
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    I'm probably at the other end of the scale as I was born physically male but am psychologically female and have changed my body to match. I questioned myself for a long time and went through many different, less drastic gender identities, but despite suffering and confusion, constant co-ercing and unwittingly being brainwashed and programmed every waking minute to be male, my gender identity knew otherwise, but of course it is far more complex than simply realising.

    What I would suggest is exploring many different identities - if you can't do it for real then do it with your mind - imagine you are female, or androgynous, or whatever, and see how that works. If you can, find a further away place, perhaps where nobody knows you and dress feminine/androgynous, and see how that works. In my experience, DOING an identity will make things far clearer than simply trying to think your way through it with abstract thoughts, feelings and concepts which can often be so convoluted as to trip over and entangle themselves.

    I transitioned in university, and people were surprisingly accepting - it was literally a process of leaving on a friday as a boy and coming back on monday as a girl - wig and all, so it was a drastic change - although I had informed my diversity advisor who had announced it to the classes I was in so people were aware. People might talk trash about gender variant people, but when actually faced with somebody they know - people's attitudes can change. That isn't to say there isn't a chance of any kind of animosity, but in my experience, it doesn't happen as often, in comparison to more conservative countries.

    And incidentally, I find feminine/androgynous asian males irresistably hot as well
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Mm_Minty)
    The good news is that if by Asian you mean oriental Asian, there are no shortage of these.
    I do, haha. <3


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a girl but I used to feel similarly.
    I eventually accepted being female (pretty much... :erm: ) at 17ish, so things can still change as you get older.
    Though you would be surprised by how tolerant people can be at Universities, if you go you should explore this.
    I'm older than that, and I still feel this way. I've come to terms with it somewhat within myself, but dislike it due to the implications it may have. I'm not sure that i'll ever be able to settle down with someone if they know how I feel like this, and I worry that i'm going to be very lonely. It would feel wrong to explain this to friends, but if I do, they'll likely shy away from me, or think badly of me.

    Above all though, I just want my parents to be proud of me, as they are my siblings (who have achieved far moreso than I have).


    (Original post by Eien)
    I'm probably at the other end of the scale as I was born physically male but am psychologically female and have changed my body to match. I questioned myself for a long time and went through many different, less drastic gender identities, but despite suffering and confusion, constant co-ercing and unwittingly being brainwashed and programmed every waking minute to be male, my gender identity knew otherwise, but of course it is far more complex than simply realising.

    What I would suggest is exploring many different identities - if you can't do it for real then do it with your mind - imagine you are female, or androgynous, or whatever, and see how that works. If you can, find a further away place, perhaps where nobody knows you and dress feminine/androgynous, and see how that works. In my experience, DOING an identity will make things far clearer than simply trying to think your way through it with abstract thoughts, feelings and concepts which can often be so convoluted as to trip over and entangle themselves.

    I transitioned in university, and people were surprisingly accepting - it was literally a process of leaving on a friday as a boy and coming back on monday as a girl - wig and all, so it was a drastic change - although I had informed my diversity advisor who had announced it to the classes I was in so people were aware. People might talk trash about gender variant people, but when actually faced with somebody they know - people's attitudes can change. That isn't to say there isn't a chance of any kind of animosity, but in my experience, it doesn't happen as often, in comparison to more conservative countries.

    And incidentally, I find feminine/androgynous asian males irresistably hot as well
    No, we are the same end of the scale, I believe. I am male, and feel androgynous/female inside. I feel strongly about this, but unable to express it due to boundaries and the prejudice within society towards how I am.

    I will take your advice about exploring identities, but on the times I have been able to explore androgynous/female identities, I have felt happier, and more true to myself.

    I envy your transition in University! You must be very brave to do such a thing- but it must have been very nice to start off true to yourself around people who have no former knowledge of you? Could you explain what the "Diversity advisor" is, and give more detail on what exactly he done?

    And i'm glad that we feel the same on the feminine/androgynous Asian males
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    hey you won't be uncomfortable cross-dressing for parties, nice one.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey.

    I've got an issue- I'm male, but for years have felt like I want to be a female, or androgynous. I just feel totally unable to express this, at all though. My parents would never really look at me in the same way again, i'm sure of this. How can they possibly be proud of a son who isn't doing well at A Level, and who isn't even sure of their gender?

    This wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't having a significant impact on my academic and social life. I get nervous around people as it is, and find it hard to trust. Since high school i've been stabbed in the back by those I get close to, and it has happened again recently. I feel totally 'outside' the friendship group i'm in right now, and i've been told it's just because i'm "New to the circle".

    I live rurally, so expressing myself by wearing feminine clothes would lead to... bad things, I can understand this- but i'm concerned that when I if I get into Uni (miraculously) things won't change. I can't imagine what flatmates in Halls of Residence would think seeing that they have to share a room with someone who is cross-dressing/looking 'different'.

    I have a sexuality issue relating to this too- I know i'm definately "into" girls, but, when asked about my ideal partner, I can't be sure that it would be a girl. I have a 'thing' for androgynous/feminine Asian males, and have no idea if this is even natural- but in all honesty, if I had to pick an ideal partner, that'd be how it is.

    This topic is, I suppose, as much just to air this as anything else, but all advice would be great. I just really have no clue what to do.
    Don't worry, I felt this way for about a year. Kind of like torn between the two . . . It went away eventually and i felt better for it. Just remember that society's view of "male", isn't necessarily male
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I do, haha. <3




    I'm older than that, and I still feel this way. I've come to terms with it somewhat within myself, but dislike it due to the implications it may have. I'm not sure that i'll ever be able to settle down with someone if they know how I feel like this, and I worry that i'm going to be very lonely. It would feel wrong to explain this to friends, but if I do, they'll likely shy away from me, or think badly of me.

    Above all though, I just want my parents to be proud of me, as they are my siblings (who have achieved far moreso than I have).




    No, we are the same end of the scale, I believe. I am male, and feel androgynous/female inside. I feel strongly about this, but unable to express it due to boundaries and the prejudice within society towards how I am.

    I will take your advice about exploring identities, but on the times I have been able to explore androgynous/female identities, I have felt happier, and more true to myself.

    I envy your transition in University! You must be very brave to do such a thing- but it must have been very nice to start off true to yourself around people who have no former knowledge of you? Could you explain what the "Diversity advisor" is, and give more detail on what exactly he done?

    And i'm glad that we feel the same on the feminine/androgynous Asian males
    This may be a bit rubbish, but a transgender friend of mine introduced me to this: http://www.khaoskomix.com/ don't know if it'll do any good but you might be able to find people a little more sympathetic and/or understanding on the forums there (TSRians aren't always the best at serious advice :p:) and the comics are pretty awesome too
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    I didnt really know things like this really existed :/

    You could just be gay? or bi?

    .. but because you feel like you have to keep it hidden..maybe thats why you're feeling confused about your gender. Im sure you'll meet and get a long with people in uni more.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Mm_Minty)
    This may be a bit rubbish, but a transgender friend of mine introduced me to this: http://www.khaoskomix.com/ don't know if it'll do any good but you might be able to find people a little more sympathetic and/or understanding on the forums there (TSRians aren't always the best at serious advice :p:) and the comics are pretty awesome too
    Thank you very much-! I will sign up there and see.

    Thank you so much again!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by When will I know?)
    I didnt really know things like this really existed :/

    You could just be gay? or bi?

    .. but because you feel like you have to keep it hidden..maybe thats why you're feeling confused about your gender. Im sure you'll meet and get a long with people in uni more.
    I am still attracted to females, so I think I could be bisexual. But, I don't feel comfy unless I wear very feminine clothes, and I get very strong urges to wear make-up. I just truly wish I could have been born a girl, or genderless.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you very much-! I will sign up there and see.

    Thank you so much again!
    No worries, I just hope it's of some help!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am still attracted to females, so I think I could be bisexual. But, I don't feel comfy unless I wear very feminine clothes, and I get very strong urges to wear make-up. I just truly wish I could have been born a girl, or genderless.
    If thats how you feel.. it must be torture :hugs: really hope it works out for you.

    What sort of clothes would you like to wear?
 
 
 
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