Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

In love with best friend...Do i tell her? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Riiight so:

    I first met her 3 years ago in year 12, I had started a sixth form where I literally didn't know a single person so we grew really close really quickly. We've been on 4 holidays together and each one I'd started noticing how I started to feel more and more attracted to her, especially when it was just us alone like in the hotel rooms etc where we shared a bed.

    We've just started at the same uni (its a local one), after having a gap year together. She's now sort of started seeing a guy and although Im glad shes happy, I'm also really hurt and jealous at the same time. We've drifted apart a lot since starting uni, and I decided about 4 weeks ago to just get rid of her from my life as its been driving me nuts.

    I deleted her off facebook as she'd started cranking up the soppy status', and she sent a message asking why, I ignored it. She sent me a text a day later asking if anything was wrong, I ignored it. We then went about 2 weeks without any communication until today when she text asking if I'm ok etc

    I just want her out my life so I can get over whatever it is I feel for her, should I just text her how I'm feeling?

    Only thing is I wouldn't want her to tell anyone as I'm not a lesbian, I just fell in love with her over the years as I was so close to her and noone else. I think I may be bi, but I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend because of how I feel about her. I don't want rumours spreading that arn't true and I'm not 100% I can trust her anymore not to tell anyone.

    I don't know what to do, but I just want her out my life and to stop texting me and communicating with me so I can move on from this. We do get on the same bus to go to uni and live in the same village so will no doubt see her soon, will texting her the truth just make things super awkward?

    But then because I've been ignoring her, they'll already be awkward!

    Arrrrgh
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Cutting contact without giving her a reason is a bit harsh tbh...
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by *Mike*)
    Cutting contact without giving her a reason is a bit harsh tbh...
    I know it is, and I feel really bad. But then how would you feel if your same sex best friend of years told you they "loved" you, knowing you'd still have to see them a lot!?

    I doubt you'd keep it to yourself, and I don't want my family & friends finding out!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I wouldn't tell her, she'd probably understand but think of what else you'd ruin.. potentially your friendship with her and her relationship ??
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    On of my friends did this to me, he felt the same way you do and we were really close, he cut me out for the whole summer just completely ignoring me and it was horrible, I had lost my best friend and had no idea why. He did eventually tell me and i was so glad when he did, i didnt feel that way about him but i was glad that i hadnt done anything wrong, we are now closer than ever as just friends and he now has a girlfriend who is lovely. I would say tell her from my experiance, she will be happy that you can still be friends (or more?) and if you are as close as you say she will be fine with you telling her and not tell anyone. but obviously with me it was a guy so there wasnt the worry of sexuality.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by charcharchar)
    I wouldn't tell her, she'd probably understand but think of what else you'd ruin.. potentially your friendship with her and her relationship ??
    But I can't have a friendship with her anymore thats the point, its been getting me really down and when I just found out aboshe has a guy in her life I got a mild stomach ulcer caused by stress! Imagine how I'd feel if she actually was officially with him, which she might be for all I know. I know that the best thing for me to do personally is to move on without her in my life. She'll be fine as we've both made new friendship groups at uni and obv she has a new guy in her life.

    It's just how to tell her that without telling her how I feel.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HayleyElizabeth)
    On of my friends did this to me, he felt the same way you do and we were really close, he cut me out for the whole summer just completely ignoring me and it was horrible, I had lost my best friend and had no idea why. He did eventually tell me and i was so glad when he did, i didnt feel that way about him but i was glad that i hadnt done anything wrong, we are now closer than ever as just friends and he now has a girlfriend who is lovely. I would say tell her from my experiance, she will be happy that you can still be friends (or more?) and if you are as close as you say she will be fine with you telling her and not tell anyone. but obviously with me it was a guy so there wasnt the worry of sexuality.
    She's pretty innocent, so I doubt she'd be fine with the idea! But thats really helpful nevertheless, thanks.

    I have written a text out saying how Im really sorry but dont think we can be friends anymore because Ive started to have "feelings" towards her and think I need to move on, saved in my drafts though! I dont know what to dooo...I want to tell her but don't want her spreading it around
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sc8880)
    She's pretty innocent, so I doubt she'd be fine with the idea! But thats really helpful nevertheless, thanks.

    I have written a text out saying how Im really sorry but dont think we can be friends anymore because Ive started to have "feelings" towards her and think I need to move on, saved in my drafts though! I dont know what to dooo...I want to tell her but don't want her spreading it around
    I suppose it is different when its two girls, but you must feel in some way comfortable to tell her simply because of how close you were?
    she may already have some idea too, by the way you act with her, with me it was always in the back of my mind that he might like me.
    I wouldnt send a text if i were you though, because its the sort of thing that will take a bit of explaining and telling her face to face might help her realise how serious you are making her less likely to tell anyone. also the obvious fact that someone else could easily read the text, the amount of times I've got in trouble from people reading my texts when im not looking.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I'd tell her, as its clearly getting to you and if shes gonna keep texting you sporadically you'll never be able to "forget" her.

    Dunno about text though, the evidence is there that way. If you told her on the phone or whatever then you can always deny it if she blabs!

    Might be more awkward for both of you though....I dunnnnno. Soz.

    Best of luck though
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sc8880)
    Riiight so:

    I first met her 3 years ago in year 12, I had started a sixth form where I literally didn't know a single person so we grew really close really quickly. We've been on 4 holidays together and each one I'd started noticing how I started to feel more and more attracted to her, especially when it was just us alone like in the hotel rooms etc where we shared a bed.

    We've just started at the same uni (its a local one), after having a gap year together. She's now sort of started seeing a guy and although Im glad shes happy, I'm also really hurt and jealous at the same time. We've drifted apart a lot since starting uni, and I decided about 4 weeks ago to just get rid of her from my life as its been driving me nuts.

    I deleted her off facebook as she'd started cranking up the soppy status', and she sent a message asking why, I ignored it. She sent me a text a day later asking if anything was wrong, I ignored it. We then went about 2 weeks without any communication until today when she text asking if I'm ok etc

    I just want her out my life so I can get over whatever it is I feel for her, should I just text her how I'm feeling?

    Only thing is I wouldn't want her to tell anyone as I'm not a lesbian, I just fell in love with her over the years as I was so close to her and noone else. I think I may be bi, but I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend because of how I feel about her. I don't want rumours spreading that arn't true and I'm not 100% I can trust her anymore not to tell anyone.

    I don't know what to do, but I just want her out my life and to stop texting me and communicating with me so I can move on from this. We do get on the same bus to go to uni and live in the same village so will no doubt see her soon, will texting her the truth just make things super awkward?

    But then because I've been ignoring her, they'll already be awkward!

    Arrrrgh
    If your are an attractive person get a boy-friend.

    If your not an attractive person, then lose weight and stuff and get a boy-friend.

    This will help you forget her.

    Don't tell her as she will freak-out and she will probably never talk to you again.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HayleyElizabeth)
    I suppose it is different when its two girls, but you must feel in some way comfortable to tell her simply because of how close you were?
    she may already have some idea too, by the way you act with her, with me it was always in the back of my mind that he might like me.
    I wouldnt send a text if i were you though, because its the sort of thing that will take a bit of explaining and telling her face to face might help her realise how serious you are making her less likely to tell anyone. also the obvious fact that someone else could easily read the text, the amount of times I've got in trouble from people reading my texts when im not looking.

    She might have some idea, this sounds really weird but when we hug or even slightly touch I go all stiff (excuse the pun haha) so she can probably sense it. And whenever she talks about celebs that are hot i always disagree, even if i do think they're hot purely out of jealousy!

    I would like to think she wont be weird about it, but then its a pretty weird scenario so Im not sure how a person would react. Obviously I clearly like some girls so I can't use how I would feel as an example! Thing is I only like girly girls which I would say I am myself, and although I know a few lesbians, they're really not the type of girl I find attractive so I can't imagine ever being in a girl-girl relationship.

    I definately couldn't tell her to her face, we've really drifted since we started uni and I don't feel I know her well enough anymore to tell her something like that, wouldnt know how she'd react. But that doesn't stop me having the same feelings towards her which I thought it would over time...

    I'm sorry for bugging you, I just have literally noone in my life who I feel comfortable enough to tell...depressing!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Please don't just blank her with no reason. It can be devastating.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sc8880)



    She might have some idea, this sounds really weird but when we hug or even slightly touch I go all stiff (excuse the pun haha) so she can probably sense it. And whenever she talks about celebs that are hot i always disagree, even if i do think they're hot purely out of jealousy!

    I would like to think she wont be weird about it, but then its a pretty weird scenario so Im not sure how a person would react. Obviously I clearly like some girls so I can't use how I would feel as an example! Thing is I only like girly girls which I would say I am myself, and although I know a few lesbians, they're really not the type of girl I find attractive so I can't imagine ever being in a girl-girl relationship.

    I definately couldn't tell her to her face, we've really drifted since we started uni and I don't feel I know her well enough anymore to tell her something like that, wouldnt know how she'd react. But that doesn't stop me having the same feelings towards her which I thought it would over time...

    I'm sorry for bugging you, I just have literally noone in my life who I feel comfortable enough to tell...depressing!

    well i think if one of my friends told me that i would find it quite strange but i would also rather she told me, especially if it was that or her just ignoring me, I also would not tell anyone, but obviously i dont know her so I'm not sure how she would react.
    however if you dont feel comfortable enough to tell her face to face then perhaps its best not to say.
    I wouldnt just ignore her though because she will know that something is wrong and will probably try harder to contact you, maybe just keep texting her or staying in contact but just not as much, I know thats hard. Ive recently broken up with my boyfriend and he still texts me all the time and always talks about this girl he likes (who is the reason why we broke up) I find myself just trying to be the better person and trying to help him, I even spoke to the girl saying that its ok with me if they get together, even though its not (Im a bit of a mess also so probably not the best to give advice, sorry).
    I know that ignoring her is the easiest thing to do but I dont think is the best thing to do, from her poition shes lost a best friend and has no idea why, she is probably blaming herself.
    sorry that this isnt really much help
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sc8880)



    She might have some idea, this sounds really weird but when we hug or even slightly touch I go all stiff (excuse the pun haha) so she can probably sense it. And whenever she talks about celebs that are hot i always disagree, even if i do think they're hot purely out of jealousy!

    I would like to think she wont be weird about it, but then its a pretty weird scenario so Im not sure how a person would react. Obviously I clearly like some girls so I can't use how I would feel as an example! Thing is I only like girly girls which I would say I am myself, and although I know a few lesbians, they're really not the type of girl I find attractive so I can't imagine ever being in a girl-girl relationship.

    I definately couldn't tell her to her face, we've really drifted since we started uni and I don't feel I know her well enough anymore to tell her something like that, wouldnt know how she'd react. But that doesn't stop me having the same feelings towards her which I thought it would over time...

    I'm sorry for bugging you, I just have literally noone in my life who I feel comfortable enough to tell...depressing!
    I really think you should say it to her face if possible. That way you'll be able to gauge her reaction and see whether you need to do damage control, etc. Think about it this way: if you send her a text, you'll be fretting about whether she's read it, how she's reacted and whether she's told anyone else until you see her/have some kinda confirmation. Whereas if you say it to her face, you can see her reaction straightaway. Who knows: she might be more understanding than you think

    Feel free to PM me if you like. I had a comparable situation a while back due to various misunderstandings but out of respect for the other person involved, I'm not going into detail on here :nah:
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    There is no point in telling her.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I think you should at least tell her why you've stopped speaking to her. Its not fair for you to ignore her for what seems to her to be no apparent reason.

    I had a male friend do this to me, out of the blue and I never found out why. It's be nice to know ... I think you should try and tell her
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 27, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.