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Never get to see my friend because of her family! watch

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    I've been friends with this girl "Sarah" for about 4.5 years now but I hardly ever get to see her because she's so family orientated. Myself and another friend have been trying to meet up with Sarah since summer, but whenever we try she claims she's busy seeing family, or her brother is home from uni and she wants to hang out with him. For a week.

    Sarah sends me messages on Facebook saying "I feel so bad, let's meet up soon!", but she's never around to. I like her, but I'm fed up now of never being able to see her. Should I tell her to stuff it?
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    I don't think you should tell her to stuff it as Friendship is much more than going think of both sides maybe she is not allowed out or has problems but you should ask her why she can't come out with you
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    All i think you need to do is ask her, ' when are YOU free'

    that way it's not you picking all the bad times to go and see her, meaning she is forced to give you a time and date for the two of you to go out !
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    (Original post by minime23)
    I don't think you should tell her to stuff it as Friendship is much more than going think of both sides maybe she is not allowed out or has problems but you should ask her why she can't come out with you
    I have asked her. She can go out, but she just chooses not to. She WANTS to stay in over seeing her friends. Even when we do go out, she leaves at about 6pm to get home for dinner. She's 21...
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    (Original post by NazNazz)
    All i think you need to do is ask her, ' when are YOU free'

    that way it's not you picking all the bad times to go and see her, meaning she is forced to give you a time and date for the two of you to go out !
    Thanks, I've tried, we have to book weeks in advance but she always lets up down last minute. Fed up now.
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    I don't think you should just give up on her, but be upfront
    just tell her you're fed up of arranging things and her not attending, let her know that you're not going to arrange anything with her anymore and instead just wait for her to contact you!
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    Sometimes I'm similar, I'm too tired to go out or simply not in the mood for sitting in this girls cellar watching a movie, then driving home.
    I hate it when I'm nagged at "why can't you come? why?" when my answer is simply "Because I don't feel like it"

    So don't nag at her, let her chose a time that suits her, maybe suggest something specific to do instead of just hang out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have asked her. She can go out, but she just chooses not to. She WANTS to stay in over seeing her friends. Even when we do go out, she leaves at about 6pm to get home for dinner. She's 21...
    Oh I assumed she was younger
    Make her feel guilty by actually giving her a visit if she does'nt turn up and telling her "you thought something happened to you" or speak to her about it by being in the least way confrontal.
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    (Original post by minime23)
    Oh I assumed she was younger
    Make her feel guilty by actually giving her a visit if she does'nt turn up and telling her "you thought something happened to you" or speak to her about it by being in the least way confrontal.
    Exactly, you'd expect her to be younger by the way she acts, but she's not. It's all a bit ridiculous, isn't it?
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    My best friend is like this and sometimes it ca be frustrating. But we talked about it once, and what she made me realise is that to her, her family ARE her friends. I'm her friend to, and she has other friends, but she doesn't see anything different between stopping at home with her parents, and going oiut with friends - she enjoys both equally if not enjoying time with her family more.
    I like spending time with my family, but they're not my friends in the same sense. I'd almost always pick spending time with friends over just sitting in front of the telly with my parents - but she wouldn't.

    Mind you...in my other group of friends, I'm always the one that has to go home early etc. I know I could stay out, but for me family meal time is a big thing - it's a big thing if you're not there. It could be the same for your friend? It's a bit like you feel you're letting the family down, especially if mum/dad is cooking and has bought food etc...
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    Forget about her, many people winge about 'Never having enough time' blah blah blah, these people are commonplace. There are plenty of better people out there.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been friends with this girl "Sarah" for about 4.5 years now but I hardly ever get to see her because she's so family orientated. Myself and another friend have been trying to meet up with Sarah since summer, but whenever we try she claims she's busy seeing family, or her brother is home from uni and she wants to hang out with him. For a week.

    Sarah sends me messages on Facebook saying "I feel so bad, let's meet up soon!", but she's never around to. I like her, but I'm fed up now of never being able to see her. Should I tell her to stuff it?
    Stay friends. If you tell her to ''stuff it'' then you may never see her at all. It obviously bothers you not seeing your friend enough so think how upset if you didn't see her at all. Just give her more time and see how things work out for you both then.
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    (Original post by fredscarecrow)
    My best friend is like this and sometimes it ca be frustrating. But we talked about it once, and what she made me realise is that to her, her family ARE her friends. I'm her friend to, and she has other friends, but she doesn't see anything different between stopping at home with her parents, and going oiut with friends - she enjoys both equally if not enjoying time with her family more.
    I like spending time with my family, but they're not my friends in the same sense. I'd almost always pick spending time with friends over just sitting in front of the telly with my parents - but she wouldn't.

    Mind you...in my other group of friends, I'm always the one that has to go home early etc. I know I could stay out, but for me family meal time is a big thing - it's a big thing if you're not there. It could be the same for your friend? It's a bit like you feel you're letting the family down, especially if mum/dad is cooking and has bought food etc...
    I agree, I think this is he best way to look at it whilst you are none the wiser. And also asking what she wants to do etc and whens good for her as opposed to just forcing stuff on her is best and expecting her to be able to make it. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you you approached her and said something along the lines of...'Aw, it seems we never get to meet up anymore, you're always too busy, let me know when you are free and what you fancy doing'... As long as you approach her about it with a caring tone I'm sure you can't go wrong if shes got genuine reasons for not wanting to meet up.
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    (Original post by Ebony19)
    I agree, I think this is he best way to look at it whilst you are none the wiser. And also asking what she wants to do etc and whens good for her as opposed to just forcing stuff on her is best and expecting her to be able to make it. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you you approached her and said something along the lines of...'Aw, it seems we never get to meet up anymore, you're always too busy, let me know when you are free and what you fancy doing'... As long as you approach her about it with a caring tone I'm sure you can't go wrong if shes got genuine reasons for not wanting to meet up.
    This is what I've been doing for the last 3 years! She always says "I know, I'm really sorry, I've been so busy!" Me:"Oh, what have you been up to?" Sarah:"Just hanging out with my family and catching up.".

    I don't bother arranging anything any more. She was saying back in November "Let's do something the week before Christmas! We can go to the cinema or up to town!" but it just never happens. I'm just so fed up with it now.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Exactly, you'd expect her to be younger by the way she acts, but she's not. It's all a bit ridiculous, isn't it?
    Oh I understand where you are coming from.
 
 
 
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