I went out with my friends St. Stevens night, and normally I drink to the extent that I get tipsy, I have never gotten drunk nor have been wasted, shall I say, before. Normally I have a naggin of vodka before I go out and at some stage during the night I have a shot. This normally does me fine, I get tipsy, where I want to be.
I did exactly the same St. Stevens night, had the same amount, but I ended up being totally wasted. I was fine until my friends handed me a shot of sambuca. Then I was gone. I remember I was disorientated, I could hold myself up fine, but all my inhibitions were gone, and I am normally such a cautious person and am always very aware of my surroundings. I know I met two guys, and I don’t even know how that happened. I was being treated like a piece of meat and I let myself be treated like this. I remember going back onto the dance floor, my mind is blank there, and next thing I know I am at that back in a corridor because another friend of mine had brought me out. He said that I looked a bit lost and was just checking to see if I was okay. Then I started throwing abuse at this guy and saying things I shouldn’t have said, but thats because he’s not exactly my favourite person at the moment.
I feel disgusted I behaved in the way I did because I am never like this. I feel so bad for the things I said to this guy and I am just so appalled at myself. I suppose Im probably naive for asking this, but why did that happen to me? I didn’t have anymore than I normally have? I feel like I turned into a different person and I am so ashamed of that person. I dont know who that person was, but I never want to see her again. It just wasnt me. Am I thinking too much about this or is this just one of those things that happen when drinking? I feel I let myself down.
I just can't decide