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Can anybody help me write this poem? I can't rhyme "blood"... Watch

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    Here is what I've got so far:

    The killer awoke with a blade in his breast
    which had splintered his ribs as it pierced his chest.
    He grimmaced in pain as he tugged at the steel,
    and his murderous acts seemed to lose their appeal.

    He'd never before felt a silvery tongue
    akin to the weapon's which punctured his lung.
    He spasmed in pain as with one final wrench,
    he unstuck the blade and with crimson was drenched.

    Transfixed by the curious pangs of displeasure,
    he stared at his chest with it's lightening-bolt fissure.
    Bleeding profusely, the wound he then prodded,
    picked-at and pulled 'til with pain felt besotted.

    He searched for a bandage to stopper the blood,

    ...................


    I don't know what to write next . I don't mind in the line above it changes slightly, I just want help.... *writers block*

    I'd really appreciate any suggestions

    If you're not so good with rhyming, you can suggest where the story may lead to (because I have absolutely no idea)

    This isn't homework btw, I just write things when I'm bored (a bit sad, I know :sigh:).

    Thanks!
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    Hands scratching and scrambling alone in the mud


    Depending on where (geographically) he was killed.
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    flood
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    http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en...=&oq=&gs_rfai=

    http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi...rg1=syl&org2=l
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    But it poured out blah blah blah blah Flood?
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    The third verse doesn't rhyme well at all

    Even wrench/drenched in the second isn't great.

    But yeah, go to a rhyme finder website for inspiration
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    A word that fits and rhymes with blood?
    Don't force a rhyme just because you could!
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    Could change 'blood' to 'flow' if that helps?


    btw-
    Transfixed by the curious pangs of displeasure,
    he stared at his chest with it's lightening-bolt fissure.

    Displeasure doesn't rhyme with fissure
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    Thud.
    Maybe a line about hearing his thudding heartbeat?

    Or about him dying in the Mud?
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    (Original post by xXxBaby-BooxXx)
    The third verse doesn't rhyme well at all

    Even wrench/drenched in the second isn't great.

    But yeah, go to a rhyme finder website for inspiration
    It doesn't have to be perfect.... I'm not exactly going to publish it, I just write for fun. I've tried rhyme websites, but didn't find anthing so I came on here.... But y'all just criticise :cry2:.

    Any suggestions what I could change it to?
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    (Original post by Liam_G)
    Here is what I've got so far:

    The killer awoke with a blade in his breast
    which had splintered his ribs as it pierced his chest.
    He grimmaced in pain as he tugged at the steel,
    and his murderous acts seemed to lose their appeal.

    He'd never before felt a silvery tongue
    akin to the weapon's which punctured his lung.
    He spasmed in pain as with one final wrench,
    he unstuck the blade and with crimson was drenched.

    Transfixed by the curious pangs of displeasure,
    he stared at his chest with it's lightening-bolt fissure.
    Bleeding profusely, the wound he then prodded,
    picked-at and pulled 'til with pain felt besotted.

    He searched for a bandage to stopper the blood,
    but try as he might, do nothing he could.
    He looked round in silence and saw death by his side,
    took one last breath and wept as he died.

    Something like that?
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    (Original post by microfatcat)
    Could change 'blood' to 'flow' if that helps?


    btw-
    Transfixed by the curious pangs of displeasure,
    he stared at his chest with it's lightening-bolt fissure.

    Displeasure doesn't rhyme with fissure
    I know. It's a half-rhyme, I'm not trying to write the perfect poem .... I tried 'something, something treasure' but it sucked.
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    Something to do with good.
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    the while it poured, noahs flood
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    (Original post by Ultimate_Geek)
    Something like that?
    Oh I like that! Your sig speaks the truth
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    (Original post by Liam_G)
    It doesn't have to be perfect.... I'm not exactly going to publish it, I just write for fun. I've tried rhyme websites, but didn't find anthing so I came on here.... But y'all just criticise :cry2:.

    Any suggestions what I could change it to?
    Have you only read 1/2 the posts in this thread?

    Flood. Mud. Thud. Any could be worked in. Flood of blood. Lying in Mud. Heart beating with a Thud. Etc whatever.


    Or Ultimate Greek's ending. Good **** there man.
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    'Shot'?
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    (Original post by Liam_G)
    Here is what I've got so far:

    The killer awoke with a blade in his breast
    which had splintered his ribs as it pierced his chest.
    He grimmaced in pain as he tugged at the steel,
    and his murderous acts seemed to lose their appeal.

    He'd never before felt a silvery tongue
    akin to the weapon's which punctured his lung.
    He spasmed in pain as with one final wrench,
    he unstuck the blade and with crimson was drenched.

    Transfixed by the curious pangs of displeasure,
    he stared at his chest with it's lightening-bolt fissure.
    Bleeding profusely, the wound he then prodded,
    picked-at and pulled 'til with pain felt besotted.

    He searched for a bandage to stopper the blood,

    ...................


    I don't know what to write next . I don't mind in the line above it changes slightly, I just want help.... *writers block*

    I'd really appreciate any suggestions

    If you're not so good with rhyming, you can suggest where the story may lead to (because I have absolutely no idea)

    This isn't homework btw, I just write things when I'm bored (a bit sad, I know :sigh:).

    Thanks!
    It poured out like a river, he could not stop the flood.


    Or something.
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    no need for an apostrophe in weapons.

    for other pedantic needs, check www.pedantic.com
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    But all he could find was one covered in mud or

    But out it poured, a deluge, a flood or

    I don't know, I'm all out :p:
 
 
 
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