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    Hey, has anyone lived with their boyfriend/girlfriend before? How different is the relationship to before living together?

    A woman in the house to cook, clean and have sex, what's not to like?


    (Original post by Soph1990)
    Hey, has anyone lived with their boyfriend/girlfriend before? How different is the relationship to before living together?
    My gf and me have been living together since 2/7/10..... it wasn't really a planned move-in per say...... it was one of those situations where she had trouble finding work at home, so she asked if she could stay with me and try her luck finding work for the summer.

    I never had any experience with live-in relationships prior to this and neither did she.

    TBVH, when she came over, the relationship was on the rocks. I was almost ready to leave her and it was only because I had a job offer in UK that I stayed on.

    In the beginning, it was somewhat trying..... we used to fight over a lot of little things...

    Stuff we used to fight over :-
    Her wearing shoes in the house. She would wear her shoes in, but I come from a Far Eastern country where we never wear shoes in the house. Plus a new wood floor was just installed.

    Where she parked her car. She had a terribly ugly looking junk. I used to tell her not to park it in the driveway as it was an embarrassment to see that car there.

    Visitors coming over, especially overnight ones. I had friends over, most of them didn't really like her.

    The trash & recycle bins. She used to jump on me when I didn't sort the trash as she was particular about this, I couldn't care less tbh.

    Meal times and what we had for meals. We have very different ideas on what constitutes food, and she can eat anything and everything. Sometimes she would prepare something...... I would find it unacceptable and later go out to eat without her.

    Furniture placements. I had everything placed a certain way, she came she changed it around and instead of my winged chair being in front of the tv, a 2 seater sofa was there and I didn't like sitting on that sofa. Few other smaller disputes as well.

    Cleaning arrangements. She had expected when she cooked I would clean, I had my work schedule cut out so I told her to clean up after herself. Toilets and showers also could be a source of conflict. From the cleanliness to the time spent in it. Rest of the home, there will need to be some arrangements and you shouldn't expect your partner to keep the place to the same standard as you normally do. You can only tell to do something but it is best not to say how it is done.

    Time spent together. One of the greatest misconception is living together does not mean spending time together...... More efforts will need to be in place to spend quality time together.

    A very very common problem I been told is monetary and economic issues. The payment of bills could be an issue to some couples, and usually this is where the strongest stress point would be, especially if you both have very different spending habits. Thankfully, this was not an issue for us as I paid for the home, the bills and tax. I told her she can pay whatever she wanted.

    Thankfully, she found work within a few days.

    How has things improved? After 2-3 weeks there were no more fights about our living arrangements.

    We communicated a lot more and the relationship got very much better.

    I lived with my ex for 3 years, we moved in together around a year into our relationship.

    The main source of conflict was housework (or his lack of it). He worked full-time, I studied full-time (I was studying medicine and on hospital placements, it wasn't uncommon for me to come home at 9pm after he had been home several hours and I would often leave the house before him too). I did all the cooking and the lion's share of the cleaning.

    In the end, everything boiled down to the fact that he did not see us as a team. He was quite happy to live like a single bloke with me as the skivvy, and in the end, I resented it and it signalled the demise of our relationship. In any relationship, especially if you're living together, it's of the utmost importance that you see yourselves as a little unit. You don't have to live in each other's shoes, but it's the basic things like respect. Sad as it sounds, my ex and I ended up being strangers living side-by-side - one of the loneliest places to be.

    My advice: where housework is concerned, don't fall into the trap of asking the other person to 'help' you. The onus is not on you, it's the responsibility of both people. Don't take platitudes like 'all you have to do is ask me what needs doing' (still stays your burden and doesn't last) and 'you just have to lower your standards' (it meant living in a s***hole which attracted vermin).

    Sorry, that all sounds very negative. Best way to see if chores are balanced etc is to see if the amount of free time is similar. I had zero free time as I was always running around like a headless chicken getting stuff done.

    I went onto live with a really great guy who wasn't a lazy *** and life was awesome - it made living with someone a wonderful experience where you enjoy each other's company and everything runs smoothly without feeling like you have to pull teeth to get a bit of hoovering done. Sad as it sounds, I find a man who can cook and clean really attractive - shows they can look after themselves, are independent and motivated. And it's always fun to ruffle the sheets of a bed that has just been made
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