Controlling Relationships? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
keep this anonymous as my girlfriend reads this website occasionally.

Has anyone on here had an experience of a controlling relationship. I'm not sure if i am reading too much into my current relationship or whether my girlfriend is being overly controlling.

My girlfriend will always tell me not to do things, but in a way where it seems like she is doing it for my own good. For instance when trying to discourage me from doing something she says that she is only worried about me and looking out for me and that "if it was the other way round" i would say the same thing to her. This can be things like some of my friends who i hang out with that she doesn't like, when i go to the pub, when i have a drink with friends at uni etc. Stupidly i have probably let a lot of things slide and have sometimes avoided doing some things as it genuinely isn't worth the aggro of having an argument with her about it.

A few weeks back i said that i wanted to go on a short break with some friends of mine abroad. Naturally for anyone this involves flying, which i have no problem with, however she has an irrational fear of flying. She says that i can go anywhere i want to as long as it doesn't involve using an aeroplane because she is worried for my safety. We argued this out for close to an hour and i said i would consider different options where possible as i literally could not be bothered to argue with a person who was not willing to budge an inch on any point i was putting forward to her about it.

I Know that the examples i have given probably aren't very good, but i wondered, is she being overly controlling? If so anyone have any advice to give me (please not the expected "man the f up" replies, i do stand up for myself but it is like bashing my head against a brick wall with her sometimes). If you were in a controlling relationship and you managed to resolve it, how did you manage to do this?
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SirRamAlot
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#2
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Yes she's controlling you too much, don't be a pussy.
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jumpingjesusholycow
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Tell her how you feel.

If you feel strongly enough about an issue, then simply put your proverbial foot down and tell her to either 'deal with it' or leave the relationship. It's as simple as that.
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Peachykeen09
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don't be a pussy & tell her what's up
& itll all be straight
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Silver fern
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I was in a controlling and emotionally (sometimes physically) abusive relationship for a number of years. I wasn't even aware that it was abusive until after we broke up - my ex was very manipulative and so naturally I believed I was at fault for everything.

Your girlfriend sounds very insecure and she is projecting a lot of that onto you, barely hiding it by trying to make it sound as though she's doing it for your own good - it's not conducive to a healthy relationship.

Have you spoken to any of your friends about it? I never confided in anyone about my relationship and I wish I had - once I started telling people I knew, they helped me to see my relationship for what it was.

Good luck
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fire2burn
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Stop being a doormat and argue your views, stopping you from getting on a plane is just utterly irrational.

Maybe you could point out that more people die crossing the road each each year than are involved in plane crashes, then again she might ban you from crossing the road if you point that out.
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tory88
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Tell her that you think that she cannot keep mothering you and that her attitude is degrading the relationship. If she seems unwilling to change, I would end it, you'll only be unhappy until you do.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 8 years ago
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(Original post by Silver fern)
I was in a controlling and emotionally (sometimes physically) abusive relationship for a number of years. I wasn't even aware that it was abusive until after we broke up - my ex was very manipulative and so naturally I believed I was at fault for everything.

Your girlfriend sounds very insecure and she is projecting a lot of that onto you, barely hiding it by trying to make it sound as though she's doing it for your own good - it's not conducive to a healthy relationship.

Have you spoken to any of your friends about it? I never confided in anyone about my relationship and I wish I had - once I started telling people I knew, they helped me to see my relationship for what it was.

Good luck
Thanks for the reply

I ahven;t spoken to friends about it as i don't think i wanted to come across as being a bit crazy and making it out to be something it isn't. I guess i've just been doing a lot of soul searching lately and reflecting on aspects of the relationship.

She is very insecure, i 100% agree, the ironic thing being that at the start of the relationships she said to me that she would never let somebody control what she did with her life.

I think it frustrates me more that i would never speak to her, or behave towards in the way that she is to me.
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Silver fern
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Fair enough (I really don't think anyone would think you're blowing things out of proportion though). Nowt wrong with a bit of soul-searching though, ultimately we have to look after ourselves - otherwise it's not fair to the person we're in a relationship with. By the sounds of it, your gf has a number of issues which she's taking out on you than taking responsibility for her emotions and dealing with it.

I think it frustrates me more that i would never speak to her, or behave towards in the way that she is to me.
Oh it's the worst form of hypocrisy - there's no way my ex would have put up with half the stuff he put me through. In the end, it just builds up a load of resentment and that's what ultimately ended things for us.
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Rock Fan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
keep this anonymous as my girlfriend reads this website occasionally.

Has anyone on here had an experience of a controlling relationship. I'm not sure if i am reading too much into my current relationship or whether my girlfriend is being overly controlling.

My girlfriend will always tell me not to do things, but in a way where it seems like she is doing it for my own good. For instance when trying to discourage me from doing something she says that she is only worried about me and looking out for me and that "if it was the other way round" i would say the same thing to her. This can be things like some of my friends who i hang out with that she doesn't like, when i go to the pub, when i have a drink with friends at uni etc. Stupidly i have probably let a lot of things slide and have sometimes avoided doing some things as it genuinely isn't worth the aggro of having an argument with her about it.

A few weeks back i said that i wanted to go on a short break with some friends of mine abroad. Naturally for anyone this involves flying, which i have no problem with, however she has an irrational fear of flying. She says that i can go anywhere i want to as long as it doesn't involve using an aeroplane because she is worried for my safety. We argued this out for close to an hour and i said i would consider different options where possible as i literally could not be bothered to argue with a person who was not willing to budge an inch on any point i was putting forward to her about it.

I Know that the examples i have given probably aren't very good, but i wondered, is she being overly controlling? If so anyone have any advice to give me (please not the expected "man the f up" replies, i do stand up for myself but it is like bashing my head against a brick wall with her sometimes). If you were in a controlling relationship and you managed to resolve it, how did you manage to do this?
I have had plenty of experience of being in a controlling relationship. She does sound very controlling and I suggest you speak to her, because you are perfectly allowed your own life and friends, she is not allowed to do that. So I would stand up to her because she is being really unfair. If she then doesn't like it, then I would seriously consider ending it, because you deserve better than this. Controlling relationships are no fun and it drains your energy, I lost so many friends because of an ex and that was because I didn't act sooner and I wasn't happy. PM me if you need any further advice.
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