Okay, so I have a history of not exactly being very popular. I left secondary school early because I didn't fit in and there was the occassional bullying. I lost all my social skills and was afraid of getting close to others. Furthermore I didn't know how to communicate with others. I became antisocial and had no interest in them. Somewhere in the last two years I've become a liar. Not compulsively, but I've told lies and elaborate stories to hide the past that I hate.
I've never really had any real friends. Atleast not ones who stick around, who genuinely care for you. I can't understand today's social networking culture, nor do I admire it as it seems so absurd. One of the only real, true friends I have ever had in my entire life is gorgeous, wise, popular and experienced. Everyone loves her. And 2 years ago when we became friends, there we were, hanging out, talking about things, and away she goes talking about her sexual experience. So, I'm still a virgin-obviously. No social skills mean no social life. I was isolated. How could I possibly lose my virginity? She asks me "what about you?" And for some reason I lied. I told her I'd had some glorious sensual affair with some guy...that he loved me...it was all a fantasy. A daydream. I don't even know why I did it. I'm a very strong and dignified person. I can only think that I did it because I was jealous of my friend's experience. And because it's so much easier to tell a lie then it is to tell the truth.
I suppose I was also ashamed at being a virgin at 20, even though I know there's nothing to feel ashamed about. Its perfectly natural. I wish I could take it back and tell her the truth-that I'm a virgin and proud of it.
Now I'm at university. I'm still very lonely, not that it bothers me, 'cause truth be told you get used to it after a while. Everybody else seems so confident and involved. I'm still a virgin. And I'm still guilt-tripping myself for telling such a stupid, big, dumb, pathetic lie.
My male flatmate is probably the only person in an entire 1st year who I've genuinely bonded with. The same thing has happened with him. We were hanging out and he opened up about his ex-girlfriend and how she hurt him. And once again I lied, telling him that I had just left a very intimate relationship with a friend of a friend. The lie has it's origins in the real world...there was a guy who wanted to be with me, but who decided after one drunken conversation on the couch that we had nothing in common. I just picked that memory up and radically elaborated it.
My flatmate has recently told me that he wants to have a relationship with me, and that he trusts me and finds me lovely and genuine. If only he knew! If only my other friend knew! They're so precious to me, I can't believe I've done something so utterly contradictory and stupid. I feel sick thinking about it, I can't even imagine what they would think of me if they knew.
What should I do? I feel horrible about it.
HELP. I've lied MAJORLY. What shall I do??? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 29-12-2010 20:40
- 29-12-2010 21:14
Don't tell them, they aren't going to trust you again. Just don't lie again.
- 29-12-2010 21:21
chill, nobody died
- 29-12-2010 21:41
He wants to have a homosexual relationship with you?
Are you gay?
If not, surely you have your answer
- 29-12-2010 21:46
You need to remember who you are, as a person. If lying isn't you, why do it? The fact that you are only somewhat genuine with the one person you have bonded with says that you really, really need to reflect on your personality a little.