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My brother makes my parents mad and cry all night... :( Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anon please, its a very serious and personal issue.

    So, I am 19, and my brother 15. My brother is doing so much **** these days, and makes my parents cry all night and get mentally sick as well. He doesn't care about my parents and doesn't give a damn, how you can say it.

    What happened was, my parents found out that he has been lyeing to them for a long time. Whenever he goes out, he says hes going with a friend, but actually goes out with a girl. They finally found out a week ago and have been in extremely terrible situation since.

    (If it matters: we are from Pakistani background)

    The fact that he goes out with a girl is not that big a problem as that he doesn't care about his parents and has been lyeing to them and that they are worried, especially because the girl's dad (also Pakistani) also called my dad yesterday saying "If I see your son with my daughter again, don't ask me if something happens to him one day!".

    My dad told him to stop going out with her at this age and that they are extremely worried about him that he will get into serious problems with the girl's dad and eventually sister as well.

    When my dad told him to think about your mum, who has headache all night and can't sleep and cryes all night, he replied "So, what? What can I do about that?"

    I am really worried about my parents, because I can't see them cry and be in this state.

    My brother also threatened and said "Let me do what I want and if you don't, I will move out" -- This would be the worst situation. Should this happen, I'm sure my mum won't be okay from that day. Something will happen to her. I don't even wanna imagine what could happen to her from that shock.

    Can anybody suggest any solutions please?

    * How to tell my brother to stop being a d*** and start caring about his parents
    * How to get him back and realise what he is doing and what could happen if he continues / moves out

    P.S. I would have no reason to make this story up. It is a 100% true situation and not a troll.
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    just tell him the sacrifices his parents made for him and the fact that he's only a child and he hasnt matured yet to make his own decisions but say it in a way thats not incisive.

    there's a time for everything but this is a difficult situation.
    if he moves out, i bet u within a week, he will come back home but do ur best to prevent that
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    It may be hard but...

    Leave him to it. It's his decision
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    Tell him on qiyamat what will you answer Allah when your asked why you did this.
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    Inshallah ill be praying for your family. Hope Allah gives your mum sabr ameen.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Horatio-)
    It may be hard but...

    Leave him to it. It's his decision

    Are you seriously well in your head? I mean Leave it and watch my mum die or turn mental? Are you retarded or something?


    (Original post by 000015080)
    Inshallah ill be praying for your family. Hope Allah gives your mum sabr ameen.
    Ameen and safe bro. You can't imagine how terrible the situation is at my yard.
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    Your brother isn't doing anything wrong as far as I can tell.
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    It's got nothing to do with your parents. They're worrying because of this threat, then go to the police about the threatening behaviour. Your brother only wants to see a girl, and do normal things, and probably didn't realise the effect it would have on your parents. You need to all sit down together and talk about it, because it seems to me that there is a total lack of communication going on... he needs to tell your parents everything and your parents need to calmly listen to what's going on and explain themselves.
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    Your parents are just too restrictive, try and find a way to get them to lay it off a bit.
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    Were you both brought up in this country? If so he's probably only doing what every other boy in his class is doing, and doesn't see why he shouldn't be allowed to as well?
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    I think your parents need to loosen up a bit. Being more strict on him will only make the situation worse. Just tell him that he needs to look after himself!

    He hasn't done anything wrong but fall for a girl with a psycho dad :love:
    It happens to the best of us.

    It's all rather romantic I say :daydreaming:
    • #2
    #2

    Sit your brother down and talk to him?

    He won't cause' he's young, a boy and Pakistani.. I know my brothers the same (but he doesnt have a gf lol)

    Is he afraid of anyone? Someone elder could talk to him kind of scare him, my uncles did that when they found out my brother was going on the wrong track.

    And listen, no ones gonna die or have a heart attack insha'Allah, keep faith in Allah, your mum will be fine, tell her to stop worrying!
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    Its none of your's or your parents business who he dates, he's mature and old enough to be able to choose.
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    This kind of stuff doesn't happen in normal families. Crazy religious folk!
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    Your brother is being a pretty typical 15 year old tbh.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon please, its a very serious and personal issue.

    So, I am 19, and my brother 15. My brother is doing so much **** these days, and makes my parents cry all night and get mentally sick as well. He doesn't care about my parents and doesn't give a damn, how you can say it.

    What happened was, my parents found out that he has been lyeing to them for a long time. Whenever he goes out, he says hes going with a friend, but actually goes out with a girl. They finally found out a week ago and have been in extremely terrible situation since.

    (If it matters: we are from Pakistani background)

    The fact that he goes out with a girl is not that big a problem as that he doesn't care about his parents and has been lyeing to them and that they are worried, especially because the girl's dad (also Pakistani) also called my dad yesterday saying "If I see your son with my daughter again, don't ask me if something happens to him one day!".

    My dad told him to stop going out with her at this age and that they are extremely worried about him that he will get into serious problems with the girl's dad and eventually sister as well.

    When my dad told him to think about your mum, who has headache all night and can't sleep and cryes all night, he replied "So, what? What can I do about that?"

    I am really worried about my parents, because I can't see them cry and be in this state.

    My brother also threatened and said "Let me do what I want and if you don't, I will move out" -- This would be the worst situation. Should this happen, I'm sure my mum won't be okay from that day. Something will happen to her. I don't even wanna imagine what could happen to her from that shock.

    Can anybody suggest any solutions please?

    * How to tell my brother to stop being a d*** and start caring about his parents
    * How to get him back and realise what he is doing and what could happen if he continues / moves out

    P.S. I would have no reason to make this story up. It is a 100% true situation and not a troll.
    hey well the same situation was in my house...my brother had a gf would party all night and basically got in2 the wrong crowd and my parents couldnt do anything about it....the thing is ur brothers still young and all this stuff is cool at that time so they do stupid things ....my brothers in uni now and regrets all the things he did and tries hard to make it up for my mum cas he gave her a really hard time...so basically if u keep saying all this to ur brother and telling him to stop it will make no difference cas hes at an age where he doesnt realise the harm hes doing to the family and cares more about fitting in with the crowd at school and doing as he wishes...the only time it will end is when hes mature enough to realise that its all a waste of time as his parents will b there for him all the time ..not that girl...its basically a matter of maturity and the more u restrict him the more he gonna want to rebel so dont go all extreme with it and mayb explain to ur parents that hes immature at the moment and doesnt realise what hes doing just dont harass him too much he probably wants his space and wil later realise his mistakes and regret them...
    • #4
    #4

    Not the first time I've heard of something like that happening.

    There's not really a lot that can be done, if he's got his mind set, it's set and he sounds fairly stubborn in his attitude too. I think the main ones you need to focus on are your parents, divert their attention, try and make them realise that there's more to focus on and that if their son ruins and puts his own life in danger there's really only so much they can do about it. I know, for Pakistani parents that's not always an easy thing to grasp, but I think with time it sort of becomes easier. If you are genuinely worried, you need to try and give them as much as you possibly can, and maybe it sounds ridiculous and unfair but it's your choice.

    It gets easier with time, whether his behaviour is acceptable or not is another matter, but your parents will be able to deal with the situation and him in time, inshAllah.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not the first time I've heard of something like that happening.

    There's not really a lot that can be done, if he's got his mind set, it's set and he sounds fairly stubborn in his attitude too. I think the main ones you need to focus on are your parents, divert their attention, try and make them realise that there's more to focus on and that if their son ruins and puts his own life in danger there's really only so much they can do about it. I know, for Pakistani parents that's not always an easy thing to grasp, but I think with time it sort of becomes easier. If you are genuinely worried, you need to try and give them as much as you possibly can, and maybe it sounds ridiculous and unfair but it's your choice.

    It gets easier with time, whether his behaviour is acceptable or not is another matter, but your parents will be able to deal with the situation and him in time, inshAllah.
    Thanks man. I hope so. Greatly appreciate your help.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hey well the same situation was in my house...my brother had a gf would party all night and basically got in2 the wrong crowd and my parents couldnt do anything about it....the thing is ur brothers still young and all this stuff is cool at that time so they do stupid things ....my brothers in uni now and regrets all the things he did and tries hard to make it up for my mum cas he gave her a really hard time...so basically if u keep saying all this to ur brother and telling him to stop it will make no difference cas hes at an age where he doesnt realise the harm hes doing to the family and cares more about fitting in with the crowd at school and doing as he wishes...the only time it will end is when hes mature enough to realise that its all a waste of time as his parents will b there for him all the time ..not that girl...its basically a matter of maturity and the more u restrict him the more he gonna want to rebel so dont go all extreme with it and mayb explain to ur parents that hes immature at the moment and doesnt realise what hes doing just dont harass him too much he probably wants his space and wil later realise his mistakes and regret them...
    I really hope it will be like that with him as well, but my parents already know that he is immature, but they are worried that he will get into worse and worse states, because he is kind of stupid you can say. I mean you can easily brainwash him and I think he got into the wrong hands.

    (Original post by Cybele)
    Your brother is being a pretty typical 15 year old tbh.
    Yes, for this Western Culture. But not for my culture. My family is a very respected family and in my Islamic community it is very well seen of. (I know you probably are thinking blah, blah blah..., but trust me it is a very serious issue in my community.)


    (Original post by Attlee_party)
    This kind of stuff doesn't happen in normal families. Crazy religious folk!
    This has got absolutely nothing to do with religion for your kind information. It is the culture and not the religion.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sit your brother down and talk to him?

    He won't cause' he's young, a boy and Pakistani.. I know my brothers the same (but he doesnt have a gf lol)

    Is he afraid of anyone? Someone elder could talk to him kind of scare him, my uncles did that when they found out my brother was going on the wrong track.

    And listen, no ones gonna die or have a heart attack insha'Allah, keep faith in Allah, your mum will be fine, tell her to stop worrying!
    Thanks man!
    (Original post by linkdapink)
    It's got nothing to do with your parents. They're worrying because of this threat, then go to the police about the threatening behaviour. Your brother only wants to see a girl, and do normal things, and probably didn't realise the effect it would have on your parents. You need to all sit down together and talk about it, because it seems to me that there is a total lack of communication going on... he needs to tell your parents everything and your parents need to calmly listen to what's going on and explain themselves.
    Again: It is only normal in the Western Culture. Not in my community and culture.
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    Your male right, an older brother..? It is your responsbility to guide him, take him to mosque and do all you can to help him out of this phase.....

    To be honest, your dad doesnt sound strict enough...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, for this Western Culture. But not for my culture. My family is a very respected family and in my Islamic community it is very well seen of. (I know you probably are thinking blah, blah blah..., but trust me it is a very serious issue in my community.)
    Then go and complain about it to your community? I personally think you shouldn't be giving a 15 year old kid such a hard time.
 
 
 
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