Am I wrong to be a bit upset about thoughtless gifts?

I'm not greedy or materialistic. Multiple friends didn't get me anything for Christmas, and that doesn't bother me at all. There are some I did get gifts for because I saw things they would like, and I don't care that they didn't reciprocate.

Nor do I care about the value of my gifts; I bought someone a £40 necklace and got a cactus from them. Doesn't bother me one bit, because I like cacti and they like this necklace, so we both got something useful there.

What does bother me is friends who have clearly put no thought into my gift. To take two notable examples from this year: I am allergic to chocolate and it induces migraines, which my friends all know. So why did they get me chocolate? I'm tee-total due to family histories and addictive personality, and all friends know this ... so what use do they think I have of a bottle of wine (plus I had to stop my visiting alcoholic family from slipping, so cheers for that)?

This makes me sound self-absorbed, and I know it's the thought that counts ... but, in this case, their thought is clearly, "I got bored of shopping for you but thought I should get you something, so picked someone clearly inappropriate." Am I wrong to be slightly annoyed about this?

TL;DR version: Is it wrong to be upset with friends who give thoughtless gifts, like alcohol for a tee-total or chocolate for someone allergic to cocoa?

Reply 1

Roo Bix

11

I don't think you're in the wrong at all, actually. Reading, it's clear (to me) that this is more to do with your expectations of friendship rather than the expectations of what you receive as a gift from them.

It could be just plain ignorance. I would say that, in their defense, it may have been just a shortage of time to look for something more appropriate. But something tells me that realistically, if they had just got you a card, explained that they had no time to buy something more appropriate not buying you 'anything', you would have appreciated this a little more.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Roo Bix

I don't think you're in the wrong at all, actually. Reading, it's clear (to me) that this is more to do with your expectations of friendship rather than the expectations of what you receive as a gift from them.

It could be just plain ignorance. I would say that, in their defense, it may have been just a shortage of time to look for something more appropriate. But something tells me that realistically, if they had just got you a card, explained that they had no time to buy something more appropriate not buying you 'anything', you would have appreciated this a little more.

You're right - I don't have any expectations for what gifts, just that I put thought into their ones and it might have been nice to get some thought back.

I would have appreciated that more, actually. As much as anything else, I also don't like them wasting money on something I'll never use.

Reply 3

liaf

10

Maybe for a joke? :awesome:

Reply 4

Zero 1

yes, they didn't have to buy you anything

Reply 5

RahRah09

13

Write them thank you cards:

"Thank you for your gift, I'm actually allergic to chocolate/don't drink but the sentiment was nice"

Reply 6

Diminutive

2

I felt a it disappointed with a secret santa present in a close group of friends lol. Everyone else got something well thought out and personal... I just got a box of chocolates despite the giver knowing me really well. We've done it for several years now and the precedent is really well thought out presents (even though the limit is £5).
I got my person a piggy bank that I personalised for her with her name & a flag as she's fundraising for a trip abroad. My boyfriend got personalised socks and a tshirt.

Really unrelated really lol.

Reply 7

Vohamanah

16

A bit thoughtless maybe, but at least they made the effort to get you something. It could be that they got chocolate/wine for a lot of people they weren't sure what to get things for and he fact you don't consume either just slipped their mind temporarily. Just accept them gratefully and pass them on to someone else in secret, no need to embarass the giver by drawing it to their attention. They will probably twig (if they haven't already) next time you see them and feel really stupid for giving you that as a present. Haha.

Reply 8

abc101

17

I agree it can be a bit upsetting to get gifts that don't take your personality into account at all - obviously it's nice that they bothered to get you something, but it's far far nicer to receive a tiny little cheap present that shows they know something about you than to receive a big expensive present that has nothing to do with you or what you like.

Reply 9

Sakura-Chan

20

You're not wrong to be annoyed. It's not like you're just whining about how they didn't buy you something imaginative. There's a lot of difference between a thoughtless gift and a gift that's potentially going to do you some harm :erm:

If I were in your shoes I'd be really annoyed, especially if they're were close friends who knew you couldn't have chocolate, and knew alcohol was a bad idea.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 10

ithoughtofthis

2

Or maybe they did remember all your allergies and problems and decided to give you that gift anyway...you know, some people may not want you alive.

I kid ofcourse

Reply 11

Peachykeen09

12

you should just yell at em and make them feel stupid.
it's annoying when people don't listen

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Vohamanah

A bit thoughtless maybe, but at least they made the effort to get you something. It could be that they got chocolate/wine for a lot of people they weren't sure what to get things for and he fact you don't consume either just slipped their mind temporarily. Just accept them gratefully and pass them on to someone else in secret, no need to embarass the giver by drawing it to their attention. They will probably twig (if they haven't already) next time you see them and feel really stupid for giving you that as a present. Haha.

So that put's paid to my idea of inviting them all over, putting this chocolates on a table and offerig them around and, if/when they say anything about am I not having one, pointing out that I'm allergic?

I jest. I'm not vengeful and wouldn't do that. The chocolates were eaten by my family; unfortunately, the wine had to go down the sink.

Am I wrong to be a bit upset about thoughtless gifts?

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