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Is my boyfriend making no effort or am I being paranoid? Watch

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    Hey guys,

    I have been with my boyfriend (officially) for 6 months having been seeing each other (without being with anyone else) for a year. We met in first year at uni and I wouldn't have pictured myself with someone like him but we really click and get on so well when we're together, however things have been getting on my nerves recently...

    He has his car at uni and I don't drive. It takes me an hour to get the bus to his and he will never drive to see me or ever offer to pick me up despite it being a ten minute drive on his part. In the last few weeks of uni when it was snowy, I discovered to my complete shock that I was pregnant (just one of those really unlucky things - missed pill etc). The entire time I was pregnant he still made me get the bus to his. On the worst snowy day all the buses were cancelled/postponed and he still let me walk to his (a two hour journey - although managed to see a bus in the end - but he was still willing to let me do this). I'm really not a lazy person at all. I'm really fit and healthy and do loads of sports so its not that that bothers me. He just never seems willing to do anything for me.

    At uni when I stay at his, he lives with one other boy who I'm also very good friends with. When I come over they'll play FIFA for hours straight and I'm just left to sit there with literally nothing to do. I'll say I'm going to bed (at like 2am) and many times he'll only come to bed at about 5am, or I'll wake up in the morning to find he's fallen asleep on the sofa in the living room.

    Over Christmas he said he would come to see me but still hasn't. He wants to get his work out of the way first which is fine with me because I'm in the same situation obviously and I understand he won't want to be stressed when he comes to visit, but once again its been put off. He said he would pay for me to get the train to visit him, but won't introduce me to his mum??? He says he is in love with me and I love him so I don't see why he wouldn't want me to meet his family. I don't want to turn up at his house and for his mum to think I'm just some random slut, I think I deserve some recognition??

    He's also been ignoring my texts recently too. He won't text me all day or won't text back for 8 hours (and I'll leave him to it because he has revision and gets stressed) but yesterday he said he would call me at 11pm as we've not spoken properly for days, then at 11.30pm I text him asking whether he was asleep or he'd forgotten we were going to chat. He replied that he was playing on FIFA which was why he hadn't called and then was going to watch a film after so couldn't text me. He then said he might call but will probs be too tired to do so.

    So what's the craic guys and girls? He tells me he loves me all the time and I really do believe him but a lot of the time I just want to give up. But then he'll say sorry and I'm drawn back in every time. I don't think I am clingy at all, I'm never the one to do the chasing in a relationship but the whole situation is making me so insecure I'm worried I'm becoming clingy!

    Is he being mean or am I paranoid?

    Thanks (sorry about the essay) x
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    no one will read this, please paraphrase!
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    This guy just doesn't give a monkeys about the relationship. He is way too comfortable, and has you in a position where you will succumb to the ILY.

    Are you still pregnant, may I ask? If so, explain to him what you need, such as his support, and what the relationship is lacking, etc. See what his replies are when you discuss these things with him. Are they selfish replies? Don't be misguided when you judge them, easy to say when you're in love, but you have to be realistic about this for your own wellbeing and your baby.
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    Why bother walk to his? Just stay at home.

    Are you really going to have a baby with him :/
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    No I'm not... I'm at uni so its not an ideal situation - my education comes first. Termination was for the best even though obviously it was a hard decision.
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    You should talk to him about it, just say it softly don't say you haven't done this and that..find out if there actually has been something that has been making him forgetful of making an effort. If he says he loves you then it might just be he doesn't see it the way you do. About meeting his mum maybe it's about circumstances or he wants it to be perfect when you do meet her first time but to know if that is true you should talk to him and see what the situation actually is =] hope that helped
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    I think he can't be bothered to make the effort. He's become lazy in the relationship. Maybe you've been doing too much and he hasn't? Or maybe it's just a lack of respect (dating for 6 months without being official?? -eep!)?

    To test this you should stop contacting him unless he contacts you.
    Refuse to take the bus to his, say you're too busy to get away and he can come see you for a few hours.
    See all your friends and keep busy!
    At Uni, let him come to find you and arrange time to see you.
    Basically play hard to get.

    DON'T as someone above suggested, talk to him about it. See if your actions make it work, if you whine to him about feeling underappreciated then he'll make an effort for a few days and give up. Better to make him WANT to make an effort by showing him what he's missing! If you're busy he'll (hopefully) start thinking "Where's is she? What's she doing that isn't to do with me??"

    If he doesn't start making an effort after a few weeks then it's time to dump him.
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    No baby? Good tbh :/

    Make your point. If he doesn't change DUMP HIM
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    (Original post by suna_b28)
    You should talk to him about it, just say it softly don't say you haven't done this and that..find out if there actually has been something that has been making him forgetful of making an effort. If he says he loves you then it might just be he doesn't see it the way you do. About meeting his mum maybe it's about circumstances or he wants it to be perfect when you do meet her first time but to know if that is true you should talk to him and see what the situation actually is =] hope that helped
    Yes, good advice thanks. I don't like to just assume things. He's quite set in his ways about certain things and I am quite affectionate, just because of the way I've been brought up (I just assume everyone is like me haha) so yeah maybe he just doesn't express emotion that well?
    x
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    You're not being paranoid, he's clearly not making enough effort!
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    (Original post by serena-xx)
    Hey guys,

    I have been with my boyfriend (officially) for 6 months having been seeing each other (without being with anyone else) for a year. We met in first year at uni and I wouldn't have pictured myself with someone like him but we really click and get on so well when we're together, however things have been getting on my nerves recently...

    He has his car at uni and I don't drive. It takes me an hour to get the bus to his and he will never drive to see me or ever offer to pick me up despite it being a ten minute drive on his part. In the last few weeks of uni when it was snowy, I discovered to my complete shock that I was pregnant (just one of those really unlucky things - missed pill etc). The entire time I was pregnant he still made me get the bus to his. On the worst snowy day all the buses were cancelled/postponed and he still let me walk to his (a two hour journey - although managed to see a bus in the end - but he was still willing to let me do this). I'm really not a lazy person at all. I'm really fit and healthy and do loads of sports so its not that that bothers me. He just never seems willing to do anything for me.

    At uni when I stay at his, he lives with one other boy who I'm also very good friends with. When I come over they'll play FIFA for hours straight and I'm just left to sit there with literally nothing to do. I'll say I'm going to bed (at like 2am) and many times he'll only come to bed at about 5am, or I'll wake up in the morning to find he's fallen asleep on the sofa in the living room.

    Over Christmas he said he would come to see me but still hasn't. He wants to get his work out of the way first which is fine with me because I'm in the same situation obviously and I understand he won't want to be stressed when he comes to visit, but once again its been put off. He said he would pay for me to get the train to visit him, but won't introduce me to his mum??? He says he is in love with me and I love him so I don't see why he wouldn't want me to meet his family. I don't want to turn up at his house and for his mum to think I'm just some random slut, I think I deserve some recognition??

    He's also been ignoring my texts recently too. He won't text me all day or won't text back for 8 hours (and I'll leave him to it because he has revision and gets stressed) but yesterday he said he would call me at 11pm as we've not spoken properly for days, then at 11.30pm I text him asking whether he was asleep or he'd forgotten we were going to chat. He replied that he was playing on FIFA which was why he hadn't called and then was going to watch a film after so couldn't text me. He then said he might call but will probs be too tired to do so.

    So what's the craic guys and girls? He tells me he loves me all the time and I really do believe him but a lot of the time I just want to give up. But then he'll say sorry and I'm drawn back in every time. I don't think I am clingy at all, I'm never the one to do the chasing in a relationship but the whole situation is making me so insecure I'm worried I'm becoming clingy!

    Is he being mean or am I paranoid?

    Thanks (sorry about the essay) x
    I've moved this to Health and Relationships as it doesn't belong in General Discussion.
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    (Original post by serena-xx)
    Yes, good advice thanks. I don't like to just assume things. He's quite set in his ways about certain things and I am quite affectionate, just because of the way I've been brought up (I just assume everyone is like me haha) so yeah maybe he just doesn't express emotion that well?
    x
    Noo don't talk to him about it yet! Take my advice.
    You have to test him without him realising it. Men don't like being told what to do.
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    Are you having the baby, out of interest?

    He's taking you for granted. Tell him what you tell us.

    Maybe he doesn't know you do mind walking/taking the bus to his. Maybe ask for a lift, and he'll get it? I know it's probably bad to give him your shoulder and be more unavailable, but that might make him realise he needs to put effort in, or you won't come around.

    I agree it is mean to let you sit and watch him play fifa for hours and hours.. My bf told me he got some new FIFA game before christmas, and that it was very addicting.


    So, maybe try giving him less attention? And if he complains, "why havn't you called me the last few days", ask him "why havn't YOU called ME the last few days?"

    My ex was also this type who wasn't much on facebook, didnt call much or text much. So I did most the contacting, and I understand how annoying it is. When we broke up, going to universities in different countries, he said he would keep in contact. What have I got? A reply to a facebook-message in August.

    Please let him know its bothering you and resolve it as adults - especially if you're keeping the baby and he's going to be the father.
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    (Original post by Katq)
    Are you having the baby, out of interest?

    He's taking you for granted. Tell him what you tell us.

    Maybe he doesn't know you do mind walking/taking the bus to his. Maybe ask for a lift, and he'll get it? I know it's probably bad to give him your shoulder and be more unavailable, but that might make him realise he needs to put effort in, or you won't come around.

    I agree it is mean to let you sit and watch him play fifa for hours and hours.. My bf told me he got some new FIFA game before christmas, and that it was very addicting.


    So, maybe try giving him less attention? And if he complains, "why havn't you called me the last few days", ask him "why havn't YOU called ME the last few days?"

    My ex was also this type who wasn't much on facebook, didnt call much or text much. So I did most the contacting, and I understand how annoying it is. When we broke up, going to universities in different countries, he said he would keep in contact. What have I got? A reply to a facebook-message in August.

    Please let him know its bothering you and resolve it as adults - especially if you're keeping the baby and he's going to be the father.
    Thank you for the reply. No we're not keeping the baby - it isn't a wise decision at my age. Obviously it was a difficult thing to decide but its what is best. Its good to have someone to relate to, and good advice, thank you
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    I don't think I could cope with that, he sounds very selfish and thoughtless to me. You need to give him a real wake-up call, I think. If he doesn't react well, dump him.
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    If only all girls were as naive as you
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    Only read half of it, but he sounds like a ****.

    Stop doing things for him, stop catching the bus to see him, stop ringing him - Go out more with your girl friends, tell him your not that bothered about seeing him - basically, put no effort in and make him think you're losing interest.

    He'll shape up real quick - and if not, you need to get rid of him.
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    (Original post by Boobies.)
    Only read half of it, but he sounds like a ****.

    Stop doing things for him, stop catching the bus to see him, stop ringing him - Go out more with your girl friends, tell him your not that bothered about seeing him - basically, put no effort in and make him think you're losing interest.

    He'll shape up real quick - and if not, you need to get rid of him.
    Yaaayy! Someone who didn't say "Talk to him".

    I like you.
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    well if you pay for petrol :dontknow: plus when its really snowy it'a just as dangerous for him to drive to get you

    and also FIFA > grumpy women, so maybe you should play him, get involved instead of pouting on the side lines
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    (Original post by Drumzilla)
    well if you pay for petrol :dontknow: plus when its really snowy it'a just as dangerous for him to drive to get you

    and also FIFA > grumpy women, so maybe you should play him, get involved instead of pouting on the side lines
    Maybe, but it shouldn't be FIFA > Girlfriend.
 
 
 
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