anonymous because if anyone sees this who i know, they'll deffs know who i am D:
ok. so this might be slightly long/ranty, as it involves quiteee a lot of back story.
basically, from Feb-August this year, I was in a relationship (my first real one), which, although not perfect (he was really disorganised and forgetful/got drunk quite a bit), was really lovely. however, at the end of the Summer, he told me things weren't really working out (due to a combination of things, he was going away to Uni at the other end of the country, we'd barely seen each other over the summer, etc etc) and broke up with me.
however, this is where it gets a bit complicated. the week after that, he came over to mine as 'friends', and we ended up kissing and getting off just like we did when we were going out. and for the next 2 weeks, it pretty much carried on like that...to our friends, there was nothing, but when we were alone and generally together, we acted like a couple.
at the end of the 2 weeks, he went to uni (it's a 9 hour train journey from here, eep), and, as we'd agreed, we didn't talk for 2 weeks, to help 'moving on', and 'settling in' and stuff. but, in hindsight stupidly, i ended up going out with someone else at the end of this 2 week period. when i talked to original guy again, he told me that he still liked me, and he wrote me a letter, and a really sweet poem...but at the time, i told him that we needed to move on, and just be friends, which is what we were from that point until the middle of December.
in the middle of December, i broke up with my new boyfriend. i have since realised that he really was just a rebound- he was the COMPLETE opposite to the original guy, but i really didn't love him, and it really wasn't right., and that i was still in love with my ex, the original guy.
then, a week later, original guy comes back from uni for christmas. and we basically get back together. he comes round to mine, we go to the cinema and stuff as a couple, and it's perfect. like, really amazingly lovely. we don't make it official, but he says that's just because he wants to make sure that it'll last and that it'll work, because he cares so much about me and wants it to last, and i quote 'a lot longer than 7 months. i don't want you to go to uni and just forget about me'. but we basically act like a couple, i tell my best friend, we actually call eachother boyfriend/girlfriend.
so it's perfect.
the actual problem
but then, on tuesday, we both get drunk at the pub, and end up having a bit of an argument about the fact he doesn't want anyone to know. i go home, cry lots, then the next day he comes round, and we talk about it. only, it turns out that there are much bigger problems. since he's come back for christmas, he has got off with another girl. twice. once was in the 2 days before we actually got back together, and he was drunk, so i couldn't really find a problem with that, but the second time was on monday of this week, right in the middle of what i thought was perfect and lovely and they were both sober. so he told me all this, and HE cried, and said how sorry he was, and said it meant nothing, and that he wanted to be with me, and he'd told her that, and that he still loved me etc etc. but the thing is, the girl he got off with is kind of a mutual friend. she knew about us being basically back together (i told her), so i just don't get why she'd do it also, i don't know why HE did it, he said he didn't know, then cried, when i asked.
so basically, i don't know what to do.
i've had different advice.
my mum said 'end it, you can do so much better, get over him, he's rubbish'
friend 1 said 'forgive him'
friend 2 said 'it doesn't actually mean anything because you weren't technically going out'
friend 3 said 'give him one last chance'
i just feel like they don't know the whole story, in fact, i've told YOU a lot more than they know. also, i know that, over christmas (when i was away visiting family) he's had big family problems, which i know don't act as a reason/justification, but i just feel like maybe they make stuff easier to understand? as in, they show why maybe his emotions were going mental?
it's also complicated by the fact that he goes back to uni a week on saturday, and isn't coming back till easter. there's a chance i could go and visit him in february, but if there's nothing official between us, i doubt my parents would let me. also, the next time he'd be able to meet up to talk about it would be tomorrow. which just happens to be his birthday after that, we both have school/uni work, so if i got to see him before he goes away it would only be for an afternoon on a coupld of occasions.
so please please please give me some advice D:
do i forgive him? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 30-12-2010 12:04
- Thread Starter
- 30-12-2010 18:36
(Original post by Anonymous)
- 30-12-2010 22:06
..., but the second time was on monday of this week, right in the middle of what i thought was perfect and lovely and they were both sober.
so please please please give me some advice D:
- 30-12-2010 22:16
It's all based on whether or not you believe he wronged you/cheated on you and if you believe he'd do it again. If you feel like you two were going out and made it clear you weren't going to be with other people, then he cheated and he messed up. If not, then what he did was crappy, but not "wrong." If you think he really wants only you and maybe just didn't completely realize this (which is what I think may be true, he seemed unsure by your comment of him not wanting to make of "official"), then maybe you should make it 100% clear that you two are to only be with each other and give it another shot. Only if you think he's worth it and you trust him though!
- 30-12-2010 22:17
OP: Go with your emotions, if your instinct (some people say women's instinct are better than men's) tells you forgive him then do so, if not then don't. Don't be affected by what other people say.
As trooper6 rightly said, do you just wan encouragement and an excuse to same with this guy because normally people already have a answer in mind when they ask a question on these problems.
Lastly i would like to point out at least he is honest, he could have hide it from you but he didn't. In the end is up to you, your decision.
- 30-12-2010 22:22
I think it would be easier to end it.
Although things are lovely when you're together, you won't get to be together much if he's at uni 9 hours away.
It doesn't seem worth it, who knows what he'll be up to at uni anyway! And he's cheated once, and with a mutual friend is INEXCUSABLE, family problems or not - he should know right from wrong.
7 months is'nt a very long relationship, dragging this along with the cheating doesn't seem right. It will always be at the back of your mind especially when you're not together.
You could end up getting hurt, so I think the best thing to do would be to end it with him.