Would you take back a 'cold feet but now sure' ex?? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
Hi, I would love some other people's perspective on this!

My ex broke up with me, after two years, because, simply put, he freaked out about being in a relationship after uni and said he still loved me and all that jazz but couldn't handle the commitment and needed time by himself and couldn't hurt me any more, he said he didn't want to sleep around but needed space for himself. Yada yada!

Surprise Surprise the next day he did start sleeping around.

Anyway, four months have gone past, I was really upset but sort of got over it.

Now, he is saying he has 'changed', 'grown up', realised what he missed. He says he is especially knows now how special I was after being with some other girl who 'just wasn't me'.

Now... should I take him back, because everything was great except for his immaturity about relationships which has now changed? Or shall I tell him to eff off considering he thought the grass was greener on the other side, tested it out and is now coming back?

I sort of think I deserve some one who appreciates me at the time, not after having a look around outside the relationship!

But he really has changed, he's consistently basically been begging me for the past 3 weeks which is very unlike him and has done lots of romantic things to try and win me back.

Is it true you should just never get back with an ex?! Any body have any stories or advice please?!:confused:
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Michael Locke
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He sounds like a massive loser. I wouldn't.
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Schroedinger's Pandora
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Nah, I wouldn't either. I'm sceptical about these things; I'd always expect history to repeat itself whenever he fancied dipping it into other chicks. You can't just go and break your girlfriend's heart in order to bang some crusty hoes and expect her to be waiting with open arms.. And of course he will use every trick in the book to get what he wants. Move forward with your own life and wait for a better guy who is perhaps a little more mature.

If you absolutely can't help yourself, however. At very least make sure he's tested for STDs before you let him near you again.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Schroedinger's Pandora)
Nah, I wouldn't either. I'm sceptical about these things; I'd always expect history to repeat itself whenever he fancied dipping it into other chicks. You can't just go and break your girlfriend's heart in order to bang some crusty hoes and expect her to be waiting with open arms.. And of course he will use every trick in the book to get what he wants. Move forward with your own life and wait for a better guy who is perhaps a little more mature.

If you absolutely can't help yourself, however. At very least make sure he's tested for STDs before you let him near you again.
Yeah you're probably right, this is what I keep thinking most of the time, but there's still that foolish part of me that's like 'ohh but he's changed, ohh he's different'.

I don't think he's a malicious person, I just think he's a bit of an idiot who doesn't think things through!!
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icn06
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I don't think it's right to say you should never get back with your ex because people can change. That doesn't only apply to the person who caused the break up, two people can both change into a very well suited pair after time apart. There are plenty of examples (both good and bad) of ex's getting back together, so it isn't black and white.

As for your situation, you know him best. You went out for two years! Do you think he's just lonely and wants the safety net of the relationship again? If you're not sure, maybe suggest a kind of test run/probationary period where you date a little. Keep it a bit distant so you don't get sucked in though.
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laura_*
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You have got to do what makes you happy. I was in a similar situation recently and I am so happy we are back together (however we only split up for around a month because he went to uni) Live for now, if it will make you happy do it, if it is just an easy option to get back with him then seriously think hard.
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James4d
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Been in the same position.

I said no. If they act on impulse and change their minds a lot a relationship with them wouldn't lead anywhere.
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JenKat
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You sound EXACTLY like one of my friends! As I told her only you can decide whether he is worth the risk or not. As for the romantic gestures it isn't really surprising because he's trying to charm you to bring you round.

My own personal point of view is that I wouldn't take him back because I want someone who knows they want me not someone who uses doubts as an excuse to go off and sample other women. It would also make me worry that he might freak out again in the future which would make me question if we were going in the same direction. I would also have a nagging feeling that I'd somehow be going backwards by giving in after working so hard to move on and get over him. But hey less pessimisitic people than myself would maybe look at the whole thing differently.
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Elondra
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Ex's are ex's for a reason. Although it's flattering that he's realised he's made a mistake, the fact that the realisation dawned upon him AFTER he shagged around devalues it. If you take him back he knows that he has 100% control of you and to be honest, I would expect another thread from you within the next year asking what to do in the same scenario.

Don't be a doormat and move on.
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Rock Fan
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He broke up with you basically so he could get some easy pussy, don't give him the satisfaction of getting you back. Make him suffer because he lost out and now he's realised what an idiot he is, forget him and find someone who will appreciate you more than he did.
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks for the replies!

(Original post by JenKat)
You sound EXACTLY like one of my friends! As I told her only you can decide whether he is worth the risk or not. As for the romantic gestures it isn't really surprising because he's trying to charm you to bring you round.

My own personal point of view is that I wouldn't take him back because I want someone who knows they want me not someone who uses doubts as an excuse to go off and sample other women. It would also make me worry that he might freak out again in the future which would make me question if we were going in the same direction. I would also have a nagging feeling that I'd somehow be going backwards by giving in after working so hard to move on and get over him. But hey less pessimisitic people than myself would maybe look at the whole thing differently.
What you wrote at the end is basically exactly how I feel! That's what I'm scared of, that he'll freak out again and also I'd be really angry at myself for going backwards and lacking self respect!

(Original post by icn06)
I don't think it's right to say you should never get back with your ex because people can change. That doesn't only apply to the person who caused the break up, two people can both change into a very well suited pair after time apart. There are plenty of examples (both good and bad) of ex's getting back together, so it isn't black and white.

As for your situation, you know him best. You went out for two years! Do you think he's just lonely and wants the safety net of the relationship again? If you're not sure, maybe suggest a kind of test run/probationary period where you date a little. Keep it a bit distant so you don't get sucked in though.
Tbh this is probably what I will end up doing, just seeing him maybe for a little while, because I do enjoy his company and maybe it'll develop or maybe I'll realise.

(Original post by Elondra)
Ex's are ex's for a reason. Although it's flattering that he's realised he's made a mistake, the fact that the realisation dawned upon him AFTER he shagged around devalues it. If you take him back he knows that he has 100% control of you and to be honest, I would expect another thread from you within the next year asking what to do in the same scenario.

Don't be a doormat and move on.

(Original post by Rock Fan)
He broke up with you basically so he could get some easy pussy, don't give him the satisfaction of getting you back. Make him suffer because he lost out and now he's realised what an idiot he is, forget him and find someone who will appreciate you more than he did.
I know deep down you guys are right! But I still feel like I know him, and some people are immature and need to make mistakes, and I guess everybody makes mistakes, and it's not the mistakes you make that matter but what you learn from them?! Slap me if I'm being a naive idiot!
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Carpediemxx
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Had his fill...back to the old girlfreind now
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Elondra
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know deep down you guys are right! But I still feel like I know him, and some people are immature and need to make mistakes, and I guess everybody makes mistakes, and it's not the mistakes you make that matter but what you learn from them?! Slap me if I'm being a naive idiot!
Seriously sweets, people don't change in 4 months, especially not at this age. You will waste another 2+ years pleasing him and then BAM,he will break up with you again. And then you will wish you never took him back in the first place. If he was that much into you then he would have avoided a break up and sleeping around afterwards.

You deserve a better person who respects you more. Go out, enjoy hanging out with your friends and rediscover yourself and what you like in life. When you're talking to him you will always feel like you should get back together so you should be cutting contact for a good 9 months so you can discover what YOU want from a relationship rather than going back to a broken one. Trust isn't just about the cheating aspect but also the future security of a relationship. You will get paranoid that there's always that possibility that he will break up with you again.
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Jmzie-Coupe
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No. Ex's are ex's for a reason. End of discussion. /Closethread
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MovingOn
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If he hadn't slept around then I would, but as you say OP, it seems like he just wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side and is now grovelling back to you. You can do better.
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Anonymous #1
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Maybe it's not that black and white though.

Everybody makes mistakes, he was just very immature and needed to do that to grow up.

Gah.

To be fair, I have been pretty harsh to him in the past month, basically telling him to stop begging and eff off, but he still won't stop!
(Original post by Elondra)
Seriously sweets, people don't change in 4 months, especially not at this age. You will waste another 2+ years pleasing him and then BAM,he will break up with you again. And then you will wish you never took him back in the first place. If he was that much into you then he would have avoided a break up and sleeping around afterwards.

You deserve a better person who respects you more. Go out, enjoy hanging out with your friends and rediscover yourself and what you like in life. When you're talking to him you will always feel like you should get back together so you should be cutting contact for a good 9 months so you can discover what YOU want from a relationship rather than going back to a broken one. Trust isn't just about the cheating aspect but also the future security of a relationship. You will get paranoid that there's always that possibility that he will break up with you again.
Thanks this is really good advice!
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Rock Fan
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Problem is I think some people are telling you what you want to hear, the harsh reality is as someone did point out further up, nobody changes after four months, If you took him back, how long before he decided to dump you again when some more easy girls come up.
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wizardess65
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Well I was in a similar situation and I took him back. And he was definitely a different person when I took him back yet guess what happened? After dating for 3 years, I decided that I did not love him any more and I broke up with him.
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Unconditional
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Did you get back with him?
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