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take a chance or play safe?!

...imagine you really liked one of your best mates, i mean 'really' liked them, but your afraid that if you tell them how you feel you could ruin everything that you have together.... either by them saying that they dont feel the same way, or if you started going out and things don't work out...

would you take the chance and tell them how you felt or just keep quiet and hope the feelings go away....

:frown:

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Reply 1

lil_kk

tell them, if things dont work out you can still remain friends

Reply 2

Ads.

lil_kk

tell them, if things dont work out you can still remain friends

is life really as simple as that?

Reply 3

The Mudman

This has happened to me a couple of times. Ultimately, we ended up remaining as friends, because they felt that they didnt want to lose what we had. But they are the strongest friendships I have ever had. Tell them, because if they say yes, sorted, if they say no, youll stay friends, or not. If you dont, then were they really such a good friend if they cant get over the fact that you like them? Basically, I would always tell them, cos honesty is the best policy, and in my case at least, I havent lost any friends by doing it.

Hope it works out for you.

Reply 4

jovialtom

i wish it was. I want to tell her, but i'm just lost for words, even when there is like the perfect moment to say something

Reply 5

The Mudman

Ads.

is life really as simple as that?

As I just said, yes. :rolleyes:

Reply 6

jovialtom

yeh, that makes sense mudman, thanks :smile:

Reply 7

The Mudman

jovialtom

yeh, that makes sense mudman, thanks :smile:

No problem. Just glad to hear someone else out there has faced the same situation.
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jovialtom

i wish it was. I want to tell her, but i'm just lost for words, even when there is like the perfect moment to say something

The best way is to just tell them. Find (create) a time when you can be alone together, or at least have a private conversation. Then either tell her that although youre friends, youve got stronger feelings for her than just as a friend. Or ask her out, and if she takes it as meaning just as friends, tell her you mean on a date. Cant guarantee it will work, but at least you wont have any regrets about not telling her...

Reply 8

asgardrune

lil_kk

tell them, if things dont work out you can still remain friends

unfortunately i have experienced that when you are friends and start get more feelings for somebody they often completely leave you when they don't have the same feelings...they sasy you can't be friends like before because you have different feelings.

i think that sux, it really hurts...but a lot of girls do it...haven't heared about guys though

Reply 9

xemilyx

i told him, he didnt react, i got frustrated so said it again his answer i head you the first time, he didnt speak to me properly for 3 weeks it was a case of "hello" and a smile in the corridor, we are now finally after a year reclaiming our friendship to the way it was before i tod him i liked him in a big way, the thing that annoyed me he felt the same, but he didnt date friends but now im happy we didnt go out, otherwise he wouldnt be here for me now, because our frienship would have been ruined, i mean the whole me telling him, him liking me but not wanting anything almost ended the friendship but it didnt. im pleased i took the risk cause it settled my mind knowing he felt the same, it just broke my heart that he didnt want anything.
go with your heart and do what u think it the right thing to od.

Reply 10

The Mudman

asgardrune

i think that sux, it really hurts...

Not sure what you mean by "havent heard about guys though"

Reply 11

asgardrune

The Mudman

Not sure what you mean by "havent heard about guys though"

i meant i've only seen girls do that but haven't seen or heared about boys doing it as well.

Reply 12

Apricot Fairy

I was friends with a guy for two years, and then we got together. We went out for 18 months, split up, and a few months later were friends again. I'm talking to him now, in fact. The only problem is, I've started wanting him back again.

Reply 13

Leigh

Talking is definitely the best policy (isn't it always?!). I know that's easier said than done, but being best friends, hopefully you'll be comfortable enough with each other to talk it through once you get started and work it out. If she doesn't feel the same, as long as you have a strong friendship, which I guess you do, you should be fine, even if it is awkward for a while.

Although I don't usually go for the straight-up methods, I think The Mudman's idea of asking her out on a date may work too; you could drop it playfully in, and if she doesn't like the idea, you can either go as friends, or say it was just a silly idea; play it casual. Perhaps. I still think talking though.

EDIT IN REPLY TO NEXT POST:

Cinema, in this situation, would be good I think. Usually it's not the best date setting, but seeing as you know each other already, you don't need to talk so much, and all the other places I can think of, you've probably already been as friends. Doing something 'cliche' could help it be a date and not just a normal hanging out. Good luck!

Reply 14

jovialtom

yeh, i think the date idea is good, something easy like the cinema... might give it a try...
thanks

Reply 15

The Mudman

KingLeigh

Although I don't usually go for the straight-up methods, I think The Mudman's idea of asking her out on a date may work too; you could drop it playfully in, and if she doesn't like the idea, you can either go as friends, or say it was just a silly idea; play it casual. Perhaps. I still think talking though.

Thats a good point. Dont make it too serious. I asked her in passing, like a throwaway comment, and she didnt say anything. Just gave me a hug and told me she was sorry, but didnt want to lose her closest friend. We've talked about it since, and she told me her reasons, that she still wonders if she made the right decision, but that ultimately, something tells her not to do it. Ill admit that it felt like I'd literally been kicked in the stomach when she said no, but it was better than the alternative, which was to spend the rest of my life wondering what might happen. Its never been an issue since then, and we're the closest of friends.

As a general rule, the cinema isnt the recommended first date location. Although it can sometimes be the best suggestion you can make :biggrin:

If its with a friend as well... Maybe suggest something like Ice-skating? Its up to you though. If youve been to the cinema with her before, it would be more acceptable. Maybe start it off slowly though. If you suggest going out to the cinema when youve never been there with her before, it will probably be harder to make out that its just as friends, if it goes that way.

Get some others opinions on that though. As you can see from the above post, opinions vary...
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asgardrune

i meant i've only seen girls do that but haven't seen or heared about boys doing it as well.

I get you now. And its probably true in most cases unfortunately.

Reply 16

jovialtom

yeh i get ya. we've been to the cinema alot, but not on our own.... she was talking about going to see saw 2, so ill ask her when i know our other friends are conviently busy :smile:

the more i think about it though the more i fancy the easy life, we both have had some bad experiences with partners over the years... and were in our 3rd year of uni which doesn't really help! will see what happens though...
thanks again for your help

Reply 17

The Mudman

Glad to be of service. I really hope it works out for you. You sound like a genuinely nice guy. Let us know how it goes, will ya? No pressure or anything lol.