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Feeling tempted - should I?

Will2005

1

I can't think of an appropriate title for this thread - but first off I'm 19 years old and still a virgin.

Most of the time it's not really a problem for me. I'd say I'm decent looking enough, I'm a really easy-going and sensible guy and most girls like me for who I am, and although I'm normally really shy in front of girls, I have no problems at all in talking to girls on a night out when I've been drinking.

But I've felt increasingly tempted to 'live a little' or so to speak, and maybe pull or have a one-night stand. My flatmates, and most people in uni I know have had sex at least once in their life, and I feel really disinhibited and pathetic in a way. I normally hate the idea of pulling some random girl and having drunken sex because I've always thought of it as shallow and desperate, but on odd occasions I feel like I'm missing out.

The problem with me is, I am hopeless with long-term relationships because I'm just too shy, and I can only think of being able to pull as a way of feeling more confident in myself. But the problem with that is that I think I'll feel degraded and shallow afterwards - because it's not really like me.

I was just wondering if anyone's been in a similar position before, male or female. I just don't know what to do about this.

Reply 1

Riddy

Id say don't do it, your clearly not that type of guy. Its not like people know if your a virgin and if your ashamed of being (which by far you shouldn't be) you just lie :smile:

Doesn't matter whether its a long term relationship as long as your ready and like/feel ok with the girl.

Reply 2

SlyPie

12

Will2005

I can't think of an appropriate title for this thread - but first off I'm 19 years old and still a virgin.

I'm 19, female, and still a virgin. Thing is I've had a couple of long-term relationships--2 to be precise--but moreso one that really counts, yet I am still a virgin...does that sound pathetic? Sure, maybe. But I'm comfortable with it because I'm in no rush to have sex and I respect a guy who does not cave into this "sexual persuasion" more than anything else.

Out of my own preferences towards males, I'd say NO do not have a one-night stand, not just because your first time should be with someone you definitely care about, but also because you wouldn't be like every other prick out there.

Reply 3

Riddy

SlyPie

I'm 19, female, and still a virgin. Thing is I've had a couple of long-term relationships--2 to be precise--but moreso one that really counts, yet I am still a virgin...does that sound pathetic? Sure, maybe. But I'm comfortable with it because I'm in no rush to have sex and I respect a guy who does not cave into this "sexual persuasion" more than anything else.

Out of my own preferences towards males, I'd say NO do not have a one-night stand, not just because your first time should be with someone you definitely care about, but also because you wouldn't be like every other prick out there.

Just because people choose to have one night stands doesn't make them a prick :confused:

Its their choice. It just depends on what people want.

Reply 4

SlyPie

12

Riddy

Just because people choose to have one night stands doesn't make them a prick :confused:

Its their choice. It just depends on what people want.

To me guys who do that are generally pricks since they seem to think only with their pricks.

Reply 5

Aeris

15

I really like how you pointed out how you would feel afterwards, if you had a one night stand. I think it's important for you to continue to think about why you've been without sexual relationships for 19 years. It goes beyond just being too shy, there's obviously some reason you've abstained. Trust me, even shy people can find a way to have sex when they want it.

There are plenty of people in your age group who have not decided to engage in sexual relationships yet, maybe you should continue to talk with those people about how they feel about it. I personally made the decision that I don't want to have to tell the man I fall in love with that I've shared my body with other men.

Reply 6

Will2005

OP

1

Thanks for your comments. I'd like to point out though that I've always been open about my virginity when asked.

The thing is, I haven't had so much of a problem with this until recently, over the past year or so. I think it's mainly because I feel pressurised by the more sexed-up university culture. But it's also because that I'm really shy, too shy even. Sometimes I can't engage in a proper conversation with a girl because I lack so much confidence, and it gets frustrating. I often think of the prospect of pulling a girl on a drunken night out as a way of boosting my confidence and enjoying a new experience. But I live in a flat with mostly girls, one of them whom I get on really well with. She likes me for who I am. This sort of gives me second thoughts about being more sexually active - what will she think of me etc.

Reply 7

qwerty_st/n

11

dont do it. i mean i take it your not gonna be totally honest with whomever you would use for sex? cos thats all it is-using, and imagine how she would feel if she found out that you were only using her, i should imagine that you wouldnt be the only one feeling degraded.

i had a similar situation with this lad a few months back, he basically strung me along for a fair while cos he only wanted me for sex so he could lose his virginity-needless to say i didnt give im what he wanted and got my own back on him by embarrassing him big style.

obviously its up to you whether or not you do it, but think first.

Reply 8

evilheat

1

Don't listen to any advice mate, do what works for you.

"To deny our impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human"

I'm such a nerd, I just quoted the Matrix in a thread about sex...

Reply 9

filastini

14

I'm 19 soon and still a virgin. Only because I chose to remain a virgin. My virginity is for my wife. She will be a virgin too.. I'll make sure.

I've had 12 girlfriends, what does that say.

Don't do it :smile:

Reply 10

psycho(logist)

1

lol... the Matrix... a source we all turn to when in need of some inspiration

You know what though... I'm the same age as you and a virgin as well. It's unacceptable in my religion to have sex before marriage but honestly, if I had wanted to I could have easily done it by now. For me it's about what makes me happy, and quite frankly I'm proud of the fact that I am a virgin because most people I know are not. I'm not saying that I think of myself better than others who have had sex... it's just that it solidifies who I am, what I stand for and proof of my willpower.

There's so much more to life than sex.

Yea yea I know, everyone rolls their eyes and goes "hah. Says the VIRGIN"

Reply 11

filastini

14

psycho(logist)

lol... the Matrix... a source we all turn to when in need of some inspiration

You know what though... I'm the same age as you and a virgin as well. It's unacceptable in my religion to have sex before marriage but honestly, if I had wanted to I could have easily done it by now. For me it's about what makes me happy, and quite frankly I'm proud of the fact that I am a virgin because most people I know are not. I'm not saying that I think of myself better than others who have had sex... it's just that it solidifies who I am, what I stand for and proof of my willpower.

There's so much more to life than sex.

Yea yea I know, everyone rolls their eyes and goes "hah. Says the VIRGIN"

Woohoo, I've found my wifey already :biggrin:

I knew she'd come along someday :p:

Reply 12

psycho(logist)

1

jusfarhan... I keep seein you all over the damn place! :p:

12 girlfriends! you piemp! hahah...... and props to you for stayin un-sexed... lol
--------------

jusfarhan

Woohoo, I've found my wifey already :biggrin:

I knew she'd come along someday :p:

lol what if I"m really a 45 year old man pretending to be a woman? :eek:

Reply 13

filastini

14

psycho(logist)

jusfarhan... I keep seein you all over the damn place! :p:

12 girlfriends! you piemp! hahah...... and props to you for stayin un-sexed... lol

Lol you're following me.. You fancy me.. Admit it..

And no, I don't want to have sex jus yet so leave me alone :p:

We can erm.. Do it after marriage :wink:

--------------

psycho(logist)

jusfarhan... I keep seein you all over the damn place! :p:

12 girlfriends! you piemp! hahah...... and props to you for stayin un-sexed... lol
--------------

lol what if I"m really a 45 year old man pretending to be a woman? :eek:

But but you're meant to be wifey :frown:

Yuck lol shut up :redface:

Reply 14

Barny

17

psycho(logist)

There's so much more to life than sex.

To be honest, as the days go by I'm finding the complete opposite to be more and more the case.

As in - everything I do in life is geared towards having sex/something to do with the act.

I go to the gym regularly in an attempt to get the body of my dreams, one thats desirable to every women on the face of this earth.

I go to Uni to do a degree, which I hope one day will earn me lots of money, which will mean that I can one day bring a child into this world and have them enjoy a good life.

Lets face it, humans are like every other animal in the world, despite what we like to think, we're here to reproduce and then die, end of story, there really isn't much more to life than sex when you really think about it..

Reply 15

Poica

14

Don't - it sounds like you really don't want to, and I think you'd have a problem with yourself if you did. At least don't while you're undecided.

And imasillynarb...from every post you've ever made you seem like a seriously sad case...

Reply 16

IzzTheGreat

10

Will2005

I can't think of an appropriate title for this thread - but first off I'm 19 years old and still a virgin.

Most of the time it's not really a problem for me. I'd say I'm decent looking enough, I'm a really easy-going and sensible guy and most girls like me for who I am, and although I'm normally really shy in front of girls, I have no problems at all in talking to girls on a night out when I've been drinking.

But I've felt increasingly tempted to 'live a little' or so to speak, and maybe pull or have a one-night stand. My flatmates, and most people in uni I know have had sex at least once in their life, and I feel really disinhibited and pathetic in a way. I normally hate the idea of pulling some random girl and having drunken sex because I've always thought of it as shallow and desperate, but on odd occasions I feel like I'm missing out.

The problem with me is, I am hopeless with long-term relationships because I'm just too shy, and I can only think of being able to pull as a way of feeling more confident in myself. But the problem with that is that I think I'll feel degraded and shallow afterwards - because it's not really like me.

I was just wondering if anyone's been in a similar position before, male or female. I just don't know what to do about this.

It depends on how important you find sex. My ex was the same age as you and a virgin, and he saw sex as a really big deal, which I didn't (being two years his junior). Basically when we had sex it meant a lot more to him than it did to me which hurt him quite a bit.

I suppose I'll get a load of abuse for saying this, but losing your virginity on a one night stand is a hell of a lot easier than doing it in a relationship in my opinion. Don't know if that helps at all. At the end of the day, do what feels right - if that means waiting then there aren't many girls who'd have a propblem with that.

Reply 17

Phonicsdude

19

I would have a one night stand.
#Just dont pretend you care the next day.

Reply 18

Laursy

10

don't just go having a one night stand io did that f0r my first time and then i regreted it,

all the other people i have been with weren't my boyf only one who treated me badly anyway,

ive told so many people not to go and have loads of one night stands because i have done that and it doesn't make you feel any better about yourself, if anything i felt cheap and nasty and all because i couldn;t find a long term bloke, none wants long term round where i live!

its not fair becasue all i want is for someone to love me, ive had a terrible year and have stopped having one night stands, which i feel better for.

just think if ou really wanna do it then its your desicion but personally i wouldn't do it!!

Reply 19

oxygenbubbles

2

Will2005

I can't think of an appropriate title for this thread - but first off I'm 19 years old and still a virgin.

Most of the time it's not really a problem for me. I'd say I'm decent looking enough, I'm a really easy-going and sensible guy and most girls like me for who I am, and although I'm normally really shy in front of girls, I have no problems at all in talking to girls on a night out when I've been drinking.

But I've felt increasingly tempted to 'live a little' or so to speak, and maybe pull or have a one-night stand. My flatmates, and most people in uni I know have had sex at least once in their life, and I feel really disinhibited and pathetic in a way. I normally hate the idea of pulling some random girl and having drunken sex because I've always thought of it as shallow and desperate, but on odd occasions I feel like I'm missing out.

The problem with me is, I am hopeless with long-term relationships because I'm just too shy, and I can only think of being able to pull as a way of feeling more confident in myself. But the problem with that is that I think I'll feel degraded and shallow afterwards - because it's not really like me.

I was just wondering if anyone's been in a similar position before, male or female. I just don't know what to do about this.

My advice would be don't do it. I think it'd be bad enough knowing at any stage that you'd had sex with some complete randomer, but even worse having it as your first time. I gather from my male friends that guys don't have the big illusion of a perfect first time like most girls do, but I still can't imagine anyone liking the thought of knowing their 1st time wasn't special. You don't want to do something you'll regret either straight afterwards or at any point in the future. If you met someone you DID want to have a relationship with, and she was a virgin too, how would you explain to her that you'd had your first time as a 1 night stand? S xo

Feeling tempted - should I?

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