Confusion

Hey guys, i need some advice and just a general download of crap off my chest, so im sorry in advance if i go off on one and rant a lot. Its just a lot has been bothering me.
Mainly this is surrounding my boyfriend/ex - not sure exactly what he is to me just now. We got together back near the beginning of the year, it was surprising as we had initially been friends for about 6 months and i never really thought we'd be together. Until it happened and it all just clicked.
Anyhoo, going off on a tangent. So we were generally happy - although had a lot of ups and downs. We used to be really on the same wavelength - wanted the same things from life, always were in touch with each other, he used to txt a lot and visit me all the time.
Until, shock horror, he went off to uni and i remained at school and all changed. His outlooks seem to have changed, he does differnt things ( he never really used to enjoy nightclubs and now he's there at least once a week ), hes really really taken up by his course - which is a tough one that requires a lot of work.
He changed a lot and no longer really seems to want me, he kind of finished with me... well we were discussing it and i didnt want to but he was scared he wasnt gonna have time for me and didnt wanna hurt me, however he couldnt bring himself to finish with me cos it was so hard. Since then im confused to what we actually are doing. He tells people we arent going out anymore.. he tells some we are 'seeing each other' - less commitment.
He doesnt really txt me anymore and i hardly see him. He always makes time for his friends from uni even though he spends every day in their company for about 10 hours a day. He will go out with them at weekends or his old friends but never takes me out anywhere anymore. i understand he doesnt have as much free time, but he doesnt make any effort to go out with me at all. I'm not old enough to go clubbing although i would maybe get into some clubs if he invited me, but he wont even let me try. Its like he doesnt want me there even if i could.
When he initiated the break between us he insisted so much that he still loved me, and i know he is still attracted to me. Yet now he doesnt seem to want to even talk to me. He insists he doesnt think i can handle the whole just seeing each other thing and sometimes will refuse to kiss me, yet other times be all over me. I'm so confused!
What the hell does he want?! What are we doing?! Does he want to see other girls?! Or is he just too busy that he cant be with me even if he wanted to! I dont know. I try to ask him but he just gets uptight/angry/frustrated at me for analysing everything. I cant help it. I really have fallen for him and we had so many good times. I trust him and do love him. Yet at the moment im not happy at all!
Abbey xxxx

Reply 1

Harv616

9

Sorry for asking, but how old are you?

and it sounds like hes trying to break contact, because otherwise he knows he will want to be with you and just hurt you both since he cant (just guessing here).

Sounds like hes changed into a diffrent person, if he has theres nothing really you can do about it.

Have you tryed txting him or talking to him about how you feel and asked him whats going on?

Reply 2

SuperhansFavouriteAlsatian

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

But i'm going to give it to you straight - at least, in my experiance. For 13 years he's been at school, most likely in one village for his entire life, seeing the same people every day, going to the same school, same lessons and same shops. When you go to university, you're suddenly surrounded by people from all over the country - hell, all over the world. You're doing the one subject you (should) love, and you're living on with all your best mates (or who will most likely become your best mates). Talking to my brother, it's like an awakening, a bridge between being a child and an adult, like an entire new world has opened up to you that, while aware of it's presence before, it was something "other people" did.

He's changed. People change when they do to uni. My brother changed considerably. But when he comes back in Summer, does he still see his old friends? Of course he does. And they've changed too, but they get on better than ever. Changed doesn't mean being completely different. He'll have different inspirations, different tastes and a different outlook, but ultimately he's still the same person. However, you haven't changed at all. When you sees you, or thinks of you (and i'm sure he does think of you), he's reminded of his life of going to the same school everyday with the same people, in that "smaller" world.

This, i'm sure, sounds horribly condescending, insensitive and patronising, but i'm in the same situation too. Well, i'm not, but i'm in Y13, in that dreary monotonous stage before you get to adulthood, and i can only imagine what the idea of revisiting this must be like for a person who's gone out there, and done things.

My honest opinion? It won't work. At least, not until you've both finished uni - assuming you are going. He needs time to change, and what he doens't need is a person from his past trying to keep him the way he was - and i'm sure it doesnt help that you're a person he loves (and i'm sure he does).

Good luck!

Reply 3

MNBStyle

9

AbbeyS

He tells people we arent going out anymore.. he tells some we are 'seeing each other' - less commitment.
Abbey xxxx

This bit worrys me abit, its as if the people he knows who he has a fun night out with if you get me :wink:

are the ones he makes out hes single to.
Sounds like 2 much hassle for you, forget him

Reply 4

Chris.

1

You sound ridiculously clingy, it's a huge turn-off. Chill out and see what happens.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

talk 2 him n tell him u luv him

Reply 6

Angus_13

DanGrover

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

But i'm going to give it to you straight - at least, in my experiance. For 13 years he's been at school, most likely in one village for his entire life, seeing the same people every day, going to the same school, same lessons and same shops. When you go to university, you're suddenly surrounded by people from all over the country - hell, all over the world. You're doing the one subject you (should) love, and you're living on with all your best mates (or who will most likely become your best mates). Talking to my brother, it's like an awakening, a bridge between being a child and an adult, like an entire new world has opened up to you that, while aware of it's presence before, it was something "other people" did.

He's changed. People change when they do to uni. My brother changed considerably. But when he comes back in Summer, does he still see his old friends? Of course he does. And they've changed too, but they get on better than ever. Changed doesn't mean being completely different. He'll have different inspirations, different tastes and a different outlook, but ultimately he's still the same person. However, you haven't changed at all. When you sees you, or thinks of you (and i'm sure he does think of you), he's reminded of his life of going to the same school everyday with the same people, in that "smaller" world.

This, i'm sure, sounds horribly condescending, insensitive and patronising, but i'm in the same situation too. Well, i'm not, but i'm in Y13, in that dreary monotonous stage before you get to adulthood, and i can only imagine what the idea of revisiting this must be like for a person who's gone out there, and done things.

My honest opinion? It won't work. At least, not until you've both finished uni - assuming you are going. He needs time to change, and what he doens't need is a person from his past trying to keep him the way he was - and i'm sure it doesnt help that you're a person he loves (and i'm sure he does).

Good luck!

Damn straight! That's what happened to me. I can't face going back to the same old life.

Confusion

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