in need of a sholder to lean on

2

I'm quite a closed person I really do like to bottle things up which i know is really bad for you, i was once described as "having an invisible defense around me, once you pick away at it i'm a great person, she is just scared to show people her vulnrability".
I'm the advice queen in school everyone comes to me with their problems cause "good old em will sort them out". I don't mind people coming to me with problems because I hate to see people I love and respect upset or hurt, but surely this should work both ways? well it doesn't seem to be the case, when im down or just generally need to talk to someone everyone is convieniently busy. I have had problems in the past, it was one bad thing after the other, mum and dad broke up, then got back together cause i harmed myself (mum told dad, it shocked him into realising how stupid he had been) i was really bullied when i was younger, bampie (my grandad) passed away and he was like my second dad, then exams and well it was all too much. i coped so long that in the end i guess i broke down, i harmed myself once more but managed to hide it very well... i could have really done with someone to talk to when all of this came to a head early this year but no one wanted to know... it was hard admiting i needed help and when i was (finally) prepared to ask no one cared. my friends i love dearly but i cant forget how they have hurt me in the past so i guess i viewed telling thm i needed help as a weakness they could use against me. i told my mum how i felt which broke her heart aswell as mine, she took me to the dr and he tried to give me medication (they tried once before) and i refused (again) i just needed someone to talk to. so i was refered to a psychologist and well it made me feel weird, i became withdrawn and i really want to tell people because its nothing to be ahsamed about right? its just tough how do i go about telling my friends i have been diagnosed with depression and am seeing a phycologist? i know im not the only person in the world to have depression but.... its just like a kick in the stomache when i have constantly been there for my friends and they arent there back. what do i do? also should i tell the school? sorry for my rambling anyone got any advice? im all out plus i can never take my own advice :frown:

Reply 1

zooropa

always look on the bright side of life

Ah, the irony is precious!!!! :cool:

Reply 2

xemilyx

OP

2

yeah i appretiate that it is rather ironic, like i said i cant take my own adivce

Reply 3

xemilyx

OP

2

thank you for being so kind. i guess people are going to be saying well if your so closed why put it on here? simple, i dont know you so how are you going to use it against me, its easy to talk to a stranger

Reply 4

The Mudman

10

Theres a stigma attached to depression and illnesses (cant think of a better word) that have no real physical symptoms, so its easy to understand your reluctance to tell people. Like has been said in an earlier post, you should only tell your friends if you trust them, and the school if you think theyre not gunna start treating you really differently.
People can be blind when it comes to seeing other peoples problems, and realising that sometimes its the other person who needs to talk.
Advice. The way I see it, life is a series of peaks and troughs. Sometimes youre gunna feel down, sometimes youre gunna feel up, but either way, you never stay in one place too long. And talking is the best place to start if you want to get back on a peak. Sorry I couldnt be of more help, but Im always here if you need someone to talk to. Im gunna add you on MSN when Ive posted this, but you dont have to talk to me if you dont want, or if just not yet.

:hugs:

Reply 5

zooropa

xemilyx

thank you for being so kind. i guess people are going to be saying well if your so closed why put it on here? simple, i dont know you so how are you going to use it against me, its easy to talk to a stranger

Oh please, no one has to be nice to you! :rolleyes:

Reply 6

dhutch

17

I for one think forums are a great place to talk about things that you ussally wounldnt talk about face-to-face with freinds/relatives/others.
- And i think its great that people like you feel you can do just that.

I have great respect for people with difficultys such as yours, and wish you, and anyone else, the very best.

Daniel

Reply 7

Love_Hearts

9

arhhhhhhhh hunny, sorry to hear your feeling so shity!!
firstly you need to talk to your friends. like you said they always come to you for advice so they must trust you loads, you should be able to talk to them. friendship works both way. i dont know what id do without my best mate and she feels the same! im always there for her and likewise she is for me. your mates might not realise how vulnerable you feel... as you said you hide ur feelings quite a bit. im sure once they realise how your really feeling they';l be upset you hadnt confided in them.
as for stressing with exams.....that cant be helped. the only way to get rid of this is to make sure you prepare well for them and dont panic in the exam.....easier said than done i know but if i can do it so can you. if you need to chat just pm me x

in need of a sholder to lean on

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