Can't talk to people in a group...feeling terrible about it

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iamsorry
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#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
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I can talk to people quite comfortably individually..when it's just me and them talking. However, if I'm with a group of people(all whom I can talk to comfortably individually), I just can't talk. I get very conscious. I hate that and want to change that part of myself. I've tried but to no avail. It's getting me really frustrated. Any suggestions?
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Natassia
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This is exactly like me, though i don't know how old you are. but with me it has gotten easier with time. And just trying to take little steps, like telling myself to just contribute one or 2 words when in group situations, doing that for a few times and then upping the anty. I don't know, i still struggle sometimes in new situations but doing that has definitely helped, and also just throwing myself into new situation where i'm outside of my comfort zone definitely helped. With time you should feel more comfortable Just keep at it.
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iamsorry
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(Original post by Natassia)
This is exactly like me, though i don't know how old you are. but with me it has gotten easier with time. And just trying to take little steps, like telling myself to just contribute one or 2 words when in group situations, doing that for a few times and then upping the anty. I don't know, i still struggle sometimes in new situations but doing that has definitely helped, and also just throwing myself into new situation where i'm outside of my comfort zone definitely helped. With time you should feel more comfortable Just keep at it.
I'm 21. It's weird because if I have to talk to each of those people individually, I can talk loads. They're all my friends, but then if we're all in a group, I can't talk at all. So if I'm so comfortable with them individually, what's the need to feel so conscious when we're all together?
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iamsorry
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Natassia
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(Original post by iamsorry)
I'm 21. It's weird because if I have to talk to each of those people individually, I can talk loads. They're all my friends, but then if we're all in a group, I can't talk at all. So if I'm so comfortable with them individually, what's the need to feel so conscious when we're all together?
I think its just a form of shyness, i can talk to every one of my friends individually about anything, but then in a big group and theres a thousand eyes staring back and everyone could not your thoughts or opinions then it makes it scary. If its a one on one conversation its not so intimidating because there is only one person who can say anything back to you. When you voice an opinion or such to a group then its not just one on one is it. I wouldn't worry though, i think sometimes people just feel comfy in not such big groups. in large groups i actually just go mute, I literally dont think much or feel the need to say anything. Because I dont think people will be interested in what i have to say. In reality this is not the case, i dont know why i do it. But there's nothing wrong with you Well if there is, then theres something wrong with me too haha You'll be fine, have you explained to your friends how you feel? they obviously dont have a problem with you or else why would they still be hanging round with you
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angelstie16
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i am exactly the same!i can never start a conversation with my group circle but they have gotten used to me so its usually them who talks first for me to continue but i can never say anything or start a conversation,i am just like that!there is no problem with being quiet or anything,as long as its not too much!
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BooBerryMuffin
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I totally sympathize with you because I struggle with this myself. I feel very overwhelmed when I'm faced with a social situation with a lot of people and feel as though I'm not sure when to contribute to the conversation without coming across as "chipping in" and so I end up clamming up completely. Natassia is right in that it does get easier the more you do it. Try to put yourself in as many large social situations as you possibly can, study the way other people come across when they are talking within a group.
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explosions hurt
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Better to be like that then one of those people whose "fine in a group but a ******** on their own".
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geordieboy
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I'm much the same. It just means you're slightly introverted. Once you accept that that's the way you are, and begin to relax, you'll actually find you start contributing more to group discussion.

You're better speaking to people individually and that's a good quality to have.
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dadude
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practice makes perfect. true story.
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Louzilla
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(Original post by explosions hurt)
Better to be like that then one of those people whose "fine in a group but a ******** on their own".
How does that work? I don't think I've found that with anyone, if they are a ********, then they are both in a group and on their own.

And OP I would do as someone else suggested and just start small and just say a few words and work your way up.
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i.student
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the same. i think too much. i dont want to appear too eager.
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9MmBulletz
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#13
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i prefer being in a group tbf. one on one, there's only 2 brains of conversation. In a group of 3+, there's more brains to contribute to conversations so it makes conversation smoother
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Natassia
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(Original post by 9MmBulletz)
i prefer being in a group tbf. one on one, there's only 2 brains of conversation. In a group of 3+, there's more brains to contribute to conversations so it makes conversation smoother
I think many people do feel like this, but then many feel like the OP and myself feel. Yes in my brain I can process that conversations run smoother and have more to contribute etc etc when there are more people. However this does not make it any easier to contribute to the conversation, i hate the feeling of so many people looking at me and possibly thinking that my opinion is wrong etc. Logically i know this is not true, but when in big groups that how i feel. neither of us are wrong though, its just who we are
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arbissah
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(Original post by Natassia)
I think its just a form of shyness, i can talk to every one of my friends individually about anything, but then in a big group and theres a thousand eyes staring back and everyone could not your thoughts or opinions then it makes it scary. If its a one on one conversation its not so intimidating because there is only one person who can say anything back to you. When you voice an opinion or such to a group then its not just one on one is it. I wouldn't worry though, i think sometimes people just feel comfy in not such big groups. in large groups i actually just go mute, I literally dont think much or feel the need to say anything. Because I dont think people will be interested in what i have to say. In reality this is not the case, i dont know why i do it. But there's nothing wrong with you Well if there is, then theres something wrong with me too haha You'll be fine, have you explained to your friends how you feel? they obviously dont have a problem with you or else why would they still be hanging round with you
I'm exactly the same!! Weird.. I thought I was the only one!

My friends always go like 'why are you so quiet?' 'talk' .. but i just cant.. donno why.
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pinkmonkey3
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i find it so intimidating aswell! but i think it's cause i act ever so slightly different with different people, depending on how comfortable with them i am. so i'm giggly with one person, silly with another, confident with another, sensible... then when they're all together i just become very quiet.

plus when i'm one to one with someone they're more likely to respond. if i say something out there in a group, it's indirect, people are more likely to ignore it, and so you're left hanging there awkwardly.
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MREPS
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#17
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so do i,
im trying to avoid any conversation when there are more than two people
but it seems not possible to avoid all of it
it drive me ******* crazy...
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Skysteve
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I'm currently on a training course with 12 lads, I can talk to all of them pretty normally when 1 on 1 or with up to 2 or 3 when stood having a coffee on a break but when it's my turn to talk in front of them all and the trainer, I get really nervous, anxious and feel like I'm loosing it! It all builds from knowing its me next to do the talking, I feel I hate it but all I want is to be good at it, to be confident when presenting what I want to say. I feel there are going to be loads of these situations over the coming weeks, somebody ...... HELP!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thank you in advance.
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Vendibleclaw
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I am the same, I’m very out going have loads of friends inside and outside of sport have played football all my life so always have been around groups of people and find I cannot get in to the football conversations or the changing jokes, what to say or even how to get in to a conversation. Outside groups my job is very personable which means I am always meeting new clients, employers and important people and that does not bother! Even though I make a mimassive conscious effort I can’t help but not feel I don’t fit in 👎
Last edited by Vendibleclaw; 1 year ago
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Sparksboy
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#20
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I need t talk but have no 1 who is there for me
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