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siren
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#1
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#1
Ok. One of my best mates came up wid this joke today...


A guys walking down a street and sees a nun walking towards him.

He stops and hides behind a bush.

As the nun walks past him he jumps out of his hiding place and hits her over the head with a dustbin lid. As she crumples he shouts

'not so clever now, are you batman!?'


*groan*Bad, bad joke...
Does ne1 out there finding that funny at all? Ne1 got ne other jokes that should never have seen the light of day?
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Peapod
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#2
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#2
A man walks in to a bar.
Ouch.
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meepmeep
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#3
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#3
What do you call a Russian satelitte full of stolen potatoes?














spudnick!
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Sire
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#4
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#4
What do a Russian submarine and a used condom have in common?
They are both filled with useless semen
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LPK
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#5
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#5
two blondes walk into a building
you would think 1 of them would of seen it
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Eru Iluvatar
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#6
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#6
Blonde and brunette jump off a building.
Which one hits the ground first?















The brunette, because the blonde has to ask for directions.
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Howard
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#7
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#7
A man walks into a Butcher's shop and says "You see that piece of meat on the top shelf?"

"Sure I do" says the butcher.

"Well, I bet you $50 you can't reach it"

"$50"?

"Yup, $50"

The butcher looks at the piece meat on the top shelf, turns to the man and says "Sorry, the stakes are too high"
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meepmeep
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#8
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#8
A man walks into a fancy dress party. The host says to him, "Why have you got a girl strapped to your back?"
"Well, I'm a tortoise and this is Michelle."
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LPK
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Howard)
A man walks into a Butcher's shop and says "You see that piece of meat on the top shelf?"

"Sure I do" says the butcher.

"Well, I bet you $50 you can't reach it"

"$50"?

"Yup, $50"

The butcher looks at the piece meat on the top shelf, turns to the man and says "Sorry, the stakes are too high"
that is bad :eek:
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Sire
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#10
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#10
Two whales were cruising along past Yokohama bay in Japan. One male, the other female. The female says in a worried voice that she is worried about that large whaling boat at anchor in the bay, and that she hopes they don't get seen. The male assures her that they are fine and that it is the middle of the day and the ship is still at anchor, so they are perfectly safe. A few minutes cruising later however, the female spots a transport boat being rowed out to the whaling boat and points this out to the male. The crew will be ready to give chase shortly if they are spotted she says. The male examines the situation and gives an excited look to the female. Tell you what, he says. I bet that if we took an incredibly deep breath and were to position ourselves beneath that boat before expelling all our air, we could capsize that little transport, we are faster than they are in that thing anyway. The female considers this for a few seconds, but agrees that it is the best course of action and nods her head in agreement. So the pair of whales take a huge breath and head off. Once underneath the transport, they expell their lungs. Indeed the boat capsizes, in fact after the storm of bubbles and splashing water, nothing remains of the boat but the 15-20 little men now swimming on the surface. The male whale again looks excitedly toward the female and says, look at em all just floating there. I bet that if we wanted to, we could open out mouthes and swallow them whole. At this point the female shakes her head defiantly. I agreed to the blowjob she says, but on no account am I swallowing the semen.

Sorry that one is long people but I had to add it. Time for a cigarette, had to change it halfway through.
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Sire
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Howard)
A man walks into a Butcher's shop and says "You see that piece of meat on the top shelf?"

"Sure I do" says the butcher.

"Well, I bet you $50 you can't reach it"

"$50"?

"Yup, $50"

The butcher looks at the piece meat on the top shelf, turns to the man and says "Sorry, the stakes are too high"
hehe, I've always liked that one.
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GH
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#12
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#12
Bad jokes overload

*shudders*
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Howard
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Sire)
hehe, I've always liked that one.
A real Cooperism!

How about this one?

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
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Eru Iluvatar
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#14
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
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El_Borish
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#15
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#15
FRENCH RIFLES FOR SALE

good cond., £20, never used. (dropped once)
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Eru Iluvatar
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#16
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#16
(Original post by El_Borish)
FRENCH RIFLES FOR SALE

good cond., £20, never used. (dropped once)
What type and make is it?
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kikzen
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Iluvatar)
What type and make is it?
you cant be serious.
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Eru Iluvatar
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#18
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#18
(Original post by kikzen)
you cant be serious.
Yeah, i was.
My dad's into rifles and stuff, so i wanted to see if it was any good, because £20 is cheap for a rifle!
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Sire
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#19
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#19
(Original post by kikzen)
you cant be serious.
yeah sure. they make great clubs
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kikzen
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#20
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#20
(Original post by Iluvatar)
Yeah, i was.
My dad's into rifles and stuff, so i wanted to see if it was any good, because £20 is cheap for a rifle!
the ad was a joke!

just think about it for a second.
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