This discussion is closed.
Eru Iluvatar
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#21
Report 16 years ago
#21
(Original post by kikzen)
the ad was a joke!

just think about it for a second.
Yes, i did know that. Its just a shame that there isn't a sarcasm font on this forum!!!
0
Sire
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#22
Report 16 years ago
#22
(Original post by Iluvatar)
Yes, i did know that. Its just a shame that there isn't a sarcasm font on this forum!!!
NO worries, I knew you were tagging it along.
0
El_Borish
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#23
Report 16 years ago
#23
i love that joke, lol :cool:
0
elpaw
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#24
Report 16 years ago
#24
more blonde jokes:

a blonde, brunette and redhead are discussing their teenage daughters. the redhead says "I was looking through my daughters handbag and i found some cigarettes. i can't believe she smokes!". the brunette says "I was looking through my daughter's handbag and i found a bottle of whisky. I can't believe she drinks!". then the blonde says "I was looking through my daughters handbag and i found a packet of condoms. I can't believe she's got a penis!" *boom boom crash*

(this one's a bit tastless, so eric, look away now!!):

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works. "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. "It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop. "Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes." replied the officer. "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh... yes." replied the cop. "Here's what you do." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants." "What!!? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop. "Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher. So the cop went back to the car, gave back the license and registration and dropped his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looked down and sighed..... "Ohh no... not another breathalyzer......"
0
GH
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#25
Report 16 years ago
#25
(Original post by elpaw)
"Ohh no... not another breathalyzer......"
A good one. One of the better ones along with Sire's blonde jokes.
0
rednirt
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#26
Report 16 years ago
#26
A man takes his giraffe to a pub, and they both get drunk and the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man turns around to leave and the barman says "oi, you cant leave that lying there!" The man turns round and says "hes not a lion, he's a giraffe"...

sorry
0
Sire
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#27
Report 16 years ago
#27
(Original post by elpaw)
more blonde jokes:


(this one's a bit tastless, so eric, look away now!!):
hehe I found this to be a bit funnier than the lovely jokes Sorry eric
0
jammyd
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#28
Report 16 years ago
#28
I think i've posted this one before....

A blind man accidentally walks into a lesbian bar. He finds a stool and takes a place and shouts 'hey, bartender, wanna hear a blonde joke?'

Somebody then taps him on the shoulder, and says 'excuse me sir, given that you're blind, I think there are a few things you should know before you tell that joke'. The man says 'ok then, go ahead'. The woman then says 'The bartender is a blonde woman, the bouncer is a blonde woman, the woman sitting next to me is blonde, and a professional weightlifter, the lady to your right is blonde and professional wrestler, and i'm a 6ft, 200lb blonde woman with a PhD, a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude. Now mister, are you sure you want to tell that joke?'

The man is a little taken aback by this but he regains his composure, shakes is head, and says, 'nah, not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times'.
0
4Ed
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#29
Report 16 years ago
#29
(Original post by jammyd)
I think i've posted this one before....

A blind man accidentally walks into a lesbian bar. He finds a stool and takes a place and shouts 'hey, bartender, wanna hear a blonde joke?'

Somebody then taps him on the shoulder, and says 'excuse me sir, given that you're blind, I think there are a few things you should know before you tell that joke'. The man says 'ok then, go ahead'. The woman then says 'The bartender is a blonde woman, the bouncer is a blonde woman, the woman sitting next to me is blonde, and a professional weightlifter, the lady to your right is blonde and professional wrestler, and i'm a 6ft, 200lb blonde woman with a PhD, a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude. Now mister, are you sure you want to tell that joke?'

The man is a little taken aback by this but he regains his composure, shakes is head, and says, 'nah, not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times'.
i like that one
0
Mr White
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#30
Report 16 years ago
#30
What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move - I've got you covered.
0
Sire
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#31
Report 16 years ago
#31
(Original post by jammyd)

The man is a little taken aback by this but he regains his composure, shakes is head, and says, 'nah, not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times'.
Heard it in a few incarnations, but I never get tired of it. Good stuff
0
Sire
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#32
Report 16 years ago
#32
What did the dog say when it sat on some sand paper?
Ruff!
0
4Ed
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#33
Report 16 years ago
#33
I was told this during the summer...

What's the definition of an 'Early Morning Dip'?
An action that carries a maximum 15 year jail sentence.
0
Muse
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#34
Report 16 years ago
#34
(Original post by 4Ed)
I was told this during the summer...

What's the definition of an 'Early Morning Dip'?
An action that carries a maximum 15 year jail sentence.
hehehe
0
boygenious
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#35
Report 16 years ago
#35
(Original post by 4Ed)
I was told this during the summer...

What's the definition of an 'Early Morning Dip'?
An action that carries a maximum 15 year jail sentence.
can someone explain that to me. it better not be rude either
0
4Ed
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#36
Report 16 years ago
#36
(Original post by boygenious)
can someone explain that to me. it better not be rude either
after consensual sex the night before.... u wake up in the morning, and see a beautiful girl next to u who is asleep. the rest follows.
0
SasunD
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#37
Report 16 years ago
#37
an englishman, irishman and russian end up on an island inhabited by cannibals. the cannibals say, if you kan shoot the bird off that branch over there (really far way) we wont eat you, but if you dont, we will.

so the englishman stands up, he says, can i have a pint of beer before i do, the cannibals say yes. He drinks the beer and then aims and shoots and misses. Next up comes the irishman, he says, can i have a couple of bottles of whiskey, the cannibals bring it. He drinks, aims and fires and misses. The russian comes up and says can i have a keg of vodka. The bring the keg, he drinks it and then shoots and knockes the bird off.

The cannibals say to the english and irish, that they will be eaten. The english and irish ask the russian as to how the hell he did it. He says, after he drunk the vodka, the whole sky was filled with birds, so how the hell could he miss?
0
Muse
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#38
Report 16 years ago
#38
(Original post by 4Ed)
after consensual sex the night before.... u wake up in the morning, and see a beautiful girl next to u who is asleep. the rest follows.

The jail sentence would only apply if you woke her up
0
SasunD
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#39
Report 16 years ago
#39
(Original post by Iluvatar)
Yes, i did know that. Its just a shame that there isn't a sarcasm font on this forum!!!
use tags like i do eg.
<Barney (simpsons)> buuuurrrp </Barney (Simpsons)>
0
4Ed
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#40
Report 16 years ago
#40
(Original post by timeofyourlife)
The jail sentence would only apply if you woke her up
surely you'd wake up if someone was sticking something into you tho...


there is also this definition of masturbation that I was told:

"What a gentleman does to his gentleman, when relaxing in a gentlemanly manner..."
0
X
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you get study leave?

Yes- I like it (244)
61.93%
Yes- I don't like it (18)
4.57%
No- I want it (106)
26.9%
No- I don't want it (26)
6.6%

Watched Threads

View All