The Student Room Group

Family

I don't know if I should post this here, but my mother recently re-married after dating a pretty nice guy for a couple of years. However, I have grown rapidly distant to her in the few months that they have been married.

First of all, I am already at university, so I only see her once every 3 months or so. Last year at university I used to talk to her by cell every other day. Now I don't call her because I find myself wanting to push her away. Instead she calls me about once every 4 days and when I converse with her, I am more distant and only talk to her for 5 minutes.

Every time we speak on the phone, her husband is in the background talking to her. He won't let us talk. He is a nice guy and all, but there is just no personal time. When I am at "home"--if I dare call it that anymore-- I find myself shutting myself up in my bedroom to avoid him. (He just recently moved in with her this past summer, and I left for university in late August.)

Is there anything I can do? Honestly, I am not getting any younger--no sh*t--, and at this rate, my mother and I will not even talk by the time I am in graduate school given that I plan on studying on the East Coast anyway.

My relationship with my father has always been mediated through capital--there's an argument for Marx. Since my parents' divorce about 11 years ago, I've been extremely close to my mom, until the past few months.

The bad thing is that she has somehow changed as well. When we talk , she is more reserved and not as "free" as she used to be, especially if her husband is around.

What's even worse is that this Christmas break I am going abroad for basically the entire time, excepting 4 days when I am preparing myself for the return to university. The only time I will be at "home" is during Thanksgiving, and that consists of 4 days in totality, probably 3 given the fact I must fly home.

This upcoming summer I won't be at home either since I have to do summer school, I plan on going abroad again for the remainder of it, and I might be doing an internship.

I have to admit that a part of me wants to push her away because I somehow feel betrayed. I never gave a **** when my dad married again, yet when my mom did, I felt apathetic, then betrayed. She has also grown a bit more distant to me.

Is there any advice you guys can offer me? I'm sure many of you are in similar circumstances.

I'm not close to my dad as it is and never have been; I don't want to completely push my mother away either, but somehow it seems like this is happening partly because I somehow can't forgive her, partly due to the inevitable circumstances, and partly due to her changed behavior.
Reply 1
SlyPie
Now I don't call her because I find myself wanting to push her away.

You'll find life really difficult and crude without your mother.

Is there anything I can do? Honestly

No.

My relationship with my father has always been mediated through capital--there's an argument for Marx.

hahaha
Since my parents' divorce about 11 years ago, I've been extremely close to my mom, until the past few months.

Now THAT is sad. - You need to make the effort to start phoning her, instead of her phoning you. Even if the guy dominates her life at the moment, your absence will cause further distancing as you say.

The bad thing is that she has somehow changed as well. When we talk , she is more reserved and not as "free" as she used to be, especially if her husband is around.

It happens --to the good of us-- they all change.

I somehow can't forgive her, partly due to the inevitable circumstances, and partly due to her changed behavior.

Don't let the relationship slip away --trust me- you'll never have a second chance!
Reply 2
I have to admit that a part of me wants to push her away because I somehow feel betrayed. I never gave a **** when my dad married again, yet when my mom did, I felt apathetic, then betrayed. She has also grown a bit more distant to me.


you love your mom more than you do with your dad. Thats pretty normal, i think, maybe its just that youre mom wants to be loved by a man and just these few months she wants to be close to her new husband. Dont worry, parents never forget their children even though they tend to act as if its not the case. Why dont you go approach her first instead?
Reply 3
Sounds like you both really need to spend some time together. I realise this could be hard with you living away from home, but for whatever reason she obviously doesn't feel comfortable fully opening up to you with her husband there. I'd suggest trying to achieve a more open relationship on the phone (hard as that may be) and then arranging for you to go out together when you're next home so you have plenty of time for one-on-one conversation.
Reply 4
Arrange to spend some personal one on one time with your mum,
and if her husband moans or seems like hes getting in the way then remind him that if he trully loves your mum he will let you have this time with her,
as im sure deep down shes having the same feelings as you do.
Reply 5
I thought you said you had recently remarried, I thought you were a bit young to be married for a second time. Lol
Reply 6
Twaffy
I thought you said you had recently remarried, I thought you were a bit young to be married for a second time. Lol


She left her parents and boyfriend to marry me.

:cool:
Reply 7
I just think its kinda sad but a part of life. We leave home expecting to change and experience new things thus our personalities change to some degrees. People tend to think that their parents will remain the same as always but they often change and well....people just grow apart