The Student Room Group

Break Up

My boyfriend and I were on the verge of breaking up for about a month - he initiated it all as he has just started uni and no longer has time for me. It finally ended, but I really miss him. I'm sufficiently bored in my last year of school, and it was the perfect time for me to have a good relationship, but he is too busy as he's just started uni. I never get to see him anymore as he only ever goes out to clubs - I look young and am not 18 yet. We were really close and I feel like there is a gap there now. We'll still be friends as he is friends with all his ex's, but it wont be the same not being able to kiss him or be as close as we were.
I'm not looking to get in to another relationship but even if I did at some point I feel I have no way of meeting new guys. At the moment, i dont even want to think about being with someone else. It doesnt seem right. I dont know if I'll be able to handle the thought of him with another girl when the time comes.
I just feel generally out of control. I had stability but now we've broken up it's gone. I used to beleive loads of guys would want to be with me, and now I feel I've lost quite a bit of my confidence.
What can I do? Should I be moving on? How will I cope when he moves on?
Reply 1
Hmm seems that alot of couples break up when one goes off to uni which is a shame.
Although its a totally different story for me since me and my boyfriend actaully are alot closer to eachother now so i can see him more.

But i guess you gotta just get on with things and not try to think about it too much....maybe in time he might miss you loads and think that breaking up with you was a mistake and you could get back together...who knows.
Reply 2
thats a bad way to think in my opinion, you cant move on if you are holding out that you will get back together.

I recently split up with my girl due to her being a boarding school and she doesn't think once a week, or once every 2 weeks, is right for a good relationship, so she ended it. She said "maybe in the future who knows", but i cant hold out for that, i'm moving on. If she comes back in the future, great, i'll date her again, but for now, other girls are what i'm after.

Have some time alone, you will feel sad, but it happens, when it happend to me, i thought "aww man, a month ago things were great!", its hard to get used to, but over time it gets better. Thing with me is, after a break up, i cant see the person for awhile, to help me get over it. If i kept seeing them as friends, it would be hard. So i told her for now i cant be friends. I think about her less every day and am excited about the future.

Good luck to you
Hey DancingDiva,
I was in exactly the same position 2 weeks ago - my boyfriend of 6 months had just broken up with me. He couldn't handle long distance and the fact that my life at uni is so different to his life at home. Anyway, at the time I was totally heartbroken, got really depressed and thought I'd never feel any better. To put it simply, it sucked.
Now everyone will say this to you, and while you're feeling rubbish, it'll probably just be plain annoying, but please believe me - time is a great healer. Even in a couple of weeks I'm starting to move on and feel the pain less. I'm staying friends with him, saw him last weekend in fact, and it is hard not being physically close (though actually we did end up together, mainly just force of habit! :redface: ) But unless there is a very real and positive possibility you will get back together, don't hold out for it - I did that at first and it is the hugest barrier to moving on.
About losing your confidence - that's totally natural. It's happened to me as well, and I'm finding it hard, but I'm sure it will get better. Of course other guys will want you - I'm sure it wasn't just your boyfriend that gave you confidence, so don't let this knock it!
And about coping when he moves on... that's tough. My ex pulled two girls, one of whom was his much younger ex and the other was my supposed "friend" (who has been after him since I left for uni) and when he told me I was totally gutted. But I've been thinking about it, and I think it's just his coping mechanism - we all cope differently. And when yours moves on, do try to be happy for him - bloody difficult to do, but worth it if you're staying friends with him. And don't worry if you feel it'll take you much longer to move on, it doesn't mean he didn't love you or anything.
Sorry, I sound like some pompous condescending lecturer, really don't meant to! It's just that I know exactly how you feel. If you ever need to talk I practically live on MSN!
Muchos love, S~P x
Reply 4
silver~planet
Hey DancingDiva,
I was in exactly the same position 2 weeks ago - my boyfriend of 6 months had just broken up with me. He couldn't handle long distance and the fact that my life at uni is so different to his life at home. Anyway, at the time I was totally heartbroken, got really depressed and thought I'd never feel any better. To put it simply, it sucked.
Now everyone will say this to you, and while you're feeling rubbish, it'll probably just be plain annoying, but please believe me - time is a great healer. Even in a couple of weeks I'm starting to move on and feel the pain less. I'm staying friends with him, saw him last weekend in fact, and it is hard not being physically close (though actually we did end up together, mainly just force of habit! :redface: ) But unless there is a very real and positive possibility you will get back together, don't hold out for it - I did that at first and it is the hugest barrier to moving on.
About losing your confidence - that's totally natural. It's happened to me as well, and I'm finding it hard, but I'm sure it will get better. Of course other guys will want you - I'm sure it wasn't just your boyfriend that gave you confidence, so don't let this knock it!
And about coping when he moves on... that's tough. My ex pulled two girls, one of whom was his much younger ex and the other was my supposed "friend" (who has been after him since I left for uni) and when he told me I was totally gutted. But I've been thinking about it, and I think it's just his coping mechanism - we all cope differently. And when yours moves on, do try to be happy for him - bloody difficult to do, but worth it if you're staying friends with him. And don't worry if you feel it'll take you much longer to move on, it doesn't mean he didn't love you or anything.
Sorry, I sound like some pompous condescending lecturer, really don't meant to! It's just that I know exactly how you feel. If you ever need to talk I practically live on MSN!
Muchos love, S~P x


:hugs: Thank you for that post :biggrin:!

I'm totally in the same situation as DancingDiva, Me and my ex, were in a relationship of 6 months, at the time it was a great time to be in a relationship, then my gap year started and it was planned that i was going to go to South America for 4-5 even when i come back, I'll be leaving for Uni. And to be quite frank, it wouldn't be possible. That would be almost 3 years apart.

Like they say, Maybe in the future.

But i still see her every Sunday indirectly, at work. We never talk, But i know - that i would give almost everything to give her one last hug and kiss goodbye. Or even just to hold her. Shes really special, and i think sometimes i'll never meet someone like her again.

It was 3 weeks ago when we split, I'm feeling better now, but i still feel very empty quite honestly. But we gotta move on. Sigh!

Being young can suck yea?
Do you know what's amazing?
That you guys are lucky enough to have ever felt like this. Don't rip my head off at that one.. lol... it's just,
I have been in relationships, a pretty long one at that. But I've never had anything quite as strong a pain after breaking up as you guys describe. In that sense, I don't think I've ever been in love.
So, when I come to think about my future, I have no idea if I even have the capacity to feel that strongly, I've met some amazing people but I'm yet to feel like that. You, on the other hand, know you can feel that way... I know it's incredibly tough but in a way, you have amazing memories, and a good cry can be cathartic.

You'll make it through. One day, maybe in a few days, or a few weeks, you'll be sitting on the bus and a hot person of the preferred sex will look you up and smile at you.

And the world'll start looking alright again. =]]]]
xxxxxx
Reply 6
scribble_girl
Do you know what's amazing?
That you guys are lucky enough to have ever felt like this. Don't rip my head off at that one.. lol... it's just,
I have been in relationships, a pretty long one at that. But I've never had anything quite as strong a pain after breaking up as you guys describe. In that sense, I don't think I've ever been in love.
So, when I come to think about my future, I have no idea if I even have the capacity to feel that strongly, I've met some amazing people but I'm yet to feel like that. You, on the other hand, know you can feel that way... I know it's incredibly tough but in a way, you have amazing memories, and a good cry can be cathartic.

You'll make it through. One day, maybe in a few days, or a few weeks, you'll be sitting on the bus and a hot person of the preferred sex will look you up and smile at you.

And the world'll start looking alright again. =]]]]
xxxxxx

'I love life...Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like...It makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness. '

Your post made me think of tha ^^^. And to the OP I've been through a really similar thing, and tbh all I can say is you just have to ride it out, but in time I promise it will get better.
A whole year on with this thread, i wonder what did happen in the end.