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She's having dreams of other men

Hello people,

I was just wondering if anyone new why my gf has had a few dreams of sleeping with other men. We get very close all the time yet havent gone all the way as it hurts her too much.

Im kind of hoping she's just having these dreams because she has never done it before and gets close to me otherwise i dont know what to think

Any help would be great

Matt

Reply 1

Tyler Durden

17

Dreams are beyond a person's control and can't be taken to "mean" anything at all. I heard a lecture about Freud's theory on dreams the other day - it's quite interesting. Basically (if I've remembered this correctly) dreams are a way of finding out what our repressed feelings are. The repressed feelings though are not shown in a clear format; they are distorted visually and in terms of the narrative (ie. the images seem strange and are not always in any correct order which is why we sometimes wake up wondering what the hell was actually going on in our dream). This happens because otherwise dreams would always wake us up as we would fear the repressed feelings in our unconscious. The fact that dreams are so distorted (if Freud is correct in these views) makes them very difficult to interpret and there may be a multitude of reasons why she is dreaming those dreams. You say that you haven't gone the whole way because it hurts her - perhaps the dream is to do with the fear of having sex (because of the potential pain) and so the dream-sensor changes the image to someone else (with whom she is less likely to have sex) to make the dream less worrying for her. Anyway - sorry, I know bugger-all about psychology but it's pretty fascinating.

The fact that she is willing to tell you she has these dreams implies a pretty good degree of trust so I would see that as a positive! :smile:

Reply 2

Legal__Eagle

OP

1

Hmm thats very interesting,i can understand if she's had one or two but she's had about 4.Im just a little worried thats all.I hope your right
Thanx

Reply 3

Legal__Eagle

OP

1

Does anybody else have any theories?

Reply 4

Tyler Durden

17

Professor Scarry has a theory but it doesn't really relate to your problem, sorry. Interesting article though!

Reply 5

Lauren Hart

3

hey, dreams arent created in the way we think. They use our memories, and create a narrative from them. Mostly they dont mean anything, dreams are there to keep parts of the brain active if i remember correctly. Often, also, having dreams about other men physically, doesnt mean they're different men mentally, what i mean is, it might be a different bloke to look at, but subconsciously she thinks its you, again its to do with the random use of memories, and these can get confused! I like englishstudents theory from freud though, its possible thats she's displacing her fear of sex, by being able to have it with someone else, who is a complete and utter stranger and the most unlikely occurance! Im sure that everything will work out ok for you! And i wouldnt worry, i dream about other men all the time, but i dnt want any one at all but my bf!

Reply 6

NickBMX

englishstudent

Dreams are beyond a person's control and can't be taken to "mean" anything at all. I heard a lecture about Freud's theory on dreams the other day - it's quite interesting. Basically (if I've remembered this correctly) dreams are a way of finding out what our repressed feelings are. The repressed feelings though are not shown in a clear format; they are distorted visually and in terms of the narrative (ie. the images seem strange and are not always in any correct order which is why we sometimes wake up wondering what the hell was actually going on in our dream). This happens because otherwise dreams would always wake us up as we would fear the repressed feelings in our unconscious. The fact that dreams are so distorted (if Freud is correct in these views) makes them very difficult to interpret and there may be a multitude of reasons why she is dreaming those dreams. You say that you haven't gone the whole way because it hurts her - perhaps the dream is to do with the fear of having sex (because of the potential pain) and so the dream-sensor changes the image to someone else (with whom she is less likely to have sex) to make the dream less worrying for her. Anyway - sorry, I know bugger-all about psychology but it's pretty fascinating.

The fact that she is willing to tell you she has these dreams implies a pretty good degree of trust so I would see that as a positive! :smile:

Ah yes, Freud's dream analysis. Everything is to do with sex, except sex which is to do with everything else. Honestly, it's a load of rubbish. There's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe a word of it. He invented his explanations by sitting down and having a little think.

Here's an example: The day before your driving test you have a dream about crashing a car. According to Freud, that dream was a manifestation of your sexual desire, and perhaps a terrible fear of not performing... No mention of the imminent driving test.

The dream your girlfriend is having is probably just her anxiety about what's been happening. The other people are probably meaningless; she's probably concerned with the sex alone.

Practically, if it hurts her, you're probably moving too fast. Take it slowly, touch her, go down on her, etc. It'll relax her muscles and thus won't hurt. If all else fails, play the female-centric sitcom card: scented candles, bath, massage, etc. Then take it slowly (touching/oral/etc) before sticking your fella in! Good luck boyo!

Reply 7

cheesecakebobby

9

A girl once had dreams about Rolf Harris, but then he turned into me, so thats alright.

Reply 8

Tyler Durden

17

NickBMX

Ah yes, Freud's dream analysis. Everything is to do with sex, except sex which is to do with everything else.

Bit of a simplification!

Honestly, it's a load of rubbish. There's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe a word of it. He invented his explanations by sitting down and having a little think.

That's how most thinkers reach their conclusions - they think. Also he did an enormous amount of practical work. The unconscious is naturally going to be pretty tricky to test in any empirical manner. I don't know about his psychology, but Freud's thoughts are certainly culturally very important and his ideas on dreams seem plausible.

Here's an example: The day before your driving test you have a dream about crashing a car. According to Freud, that dream was a manifestation of your sexual desire, and perhaps a terrible fear of not performing... No mention of the imminent driving test.

Haven't read that case study...

Reply 9

fairycakes

12

it's not quite as bad as sleeping with someone and it's not as many times, but i've had a couple dreams about kissing boys who weren't my bf but they totally don't mean anything. the boys were completely random who i would have no intention of kissing in any circumstance!
don't worry too much...
xxxx

Reply 10

Legal__Eagle

OP

1

Yeh but twice it has been her ex boyfriend and once with this bloke who clearly likes her at work

Reply 11

Clare1986

But seriously, when have you ever been able to control what is in your dreams? I have the most random dreams sometimes about the strangest things that i have never even thought about before! I wouldnt take it to mean anything!

Reply 12

Legal__Eagle

OP

1

I know i shouldnt im just looking for an answer really

Reply 13

jayne87

8

i know i think/dream about other guys i am sure my bf wouldnt like it but then again he prob thinks about other girls to its just a fact of life

Reply 14

Lauren Hart

3

I really do think she's just very anxious about the topic, so she's sustituting you for men who cant cause her pain because they wont be together!

Reply 15

Legal__Eagle

OP

1

Really? i only thought it could be to do with that because we havent done it yet and she is still a V so....She's never had sex before so how can she imagine having it with other men?

Reply 16

Enchanté

14

she cannot control her mind whilst sleeping most people cannot it certain dreams an happen for certain reasons do not worry give it time

Reply 17

xelprep

this means secretly she wants some other man, even if she doesnt realise it :frown:

Reply 18

Cate

1

NickBMX

Ah yes, Freud's dream analysis. Everything is to do with sex, except sex which is to do with everything else. Honestly, it's a load of rubbish. There's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe a word of it. He invented his explanations by sitting down and having a little think.

Here's an example: The day before your driving test you have a dream about crashing a car. According to Freud, that dream was a manifestation of your sexual desire, and perhaps a terrible fear of not performing... No mention of the imminent driving test.

No offence, but that's a load of rubbish. While a lot of Freud's work was also a load of sex-obsessed rubbish, some of his theories are actually very good, such as his ideas about dreams being repressed memories/ideas etc. The repressed feelings may not all be sexual as Freud tended to imply, but the basic idea of them being repressed thoughts resurfacing in a way that won't cause too much anxiety actually has been found to be accurate by psycho-analysing people.
I personally think englishstudent's explanation was very good, and explain's the situation of the guy's girlfriend dreaming about other people very well.

Reply 19

camilla16

1

its completely normal to have dreams about sleeping with other people. it happens to everyone at some point and it definitely doesnt mean that she wants to be with these people. its probably her body's way of saying she really likes one person (cos that can sometimes make you want to "try" other people in your dreams)

She's having dreams of other men

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