Relationships at Cambridge

Hi all, I've just been dumped because I'm coming to Cambridge in October. Basically he doesnt think he'll see me when I get there. He only lives 15 miles away from the city. What are your views on this? Can you keep a relationship going when you're at Cambridge, and would I have any free time to see him? thanx
Rowena x

Reply 1

Gael

8

Put it this way, my boyfriend lives in spain, and we have a great relationship. If it's a good relationship with two well matched people, it can stand the distance. It's certainly more impractical, but if he truly cares for you, it shouldn't matter. Is this a long term relationship?

Reply 2

xyro

Hmm 11 o'clock ... time to get work done (unfortunately, my '1 supervision' week ends tomorrow).

Reply 3

synaesthesia

9

It's not distance that matters so much at Cambridge as intensity. Of course, it depends on what kind of person you are and how much advantage you want to take of the non-academic things on offer. I certainly don't have time for a relationship right now - but if I did, distance wouldn't be the issue.

Reply 4

ice_cube

17

Most people I know at university manage to keep relationships going. Might as well give it a try, if it doesn't work then it doesn't work. Don't give up on it just yet, it might all work out fine.

Reply 5

FadeToBlackout

15

Well, 15 miles will suddenly feel like the other side of the planet idf you get here.. "further than GIRTON? Well, I'm not bothering with that..."

Seriously, people here can manage to keep relationships going. This has been commented on recently in the two student papers, TCS and Varsity. A comedy letter in one, from a girl, explained how a male friend had kept a long distance (Leeds) relationship going, and that they obviously loved each other because he had only cheated on his girlfriend with her twice!

Anyway, relationships can work. People at college now are in them- people I know from sixth form are still together, despite being at Aberystwyth and Glasgow. If its a proper relationship then it will last.

Reply 6

Michelle2

3

Yes, it is possible to have a relationship while at Cambridge, but it will probably be different from the kind of relationship you would have at another university. Things are stupidly intense here and time is at an absolute premium. If you want to keep up with your work, have a social life, join in with ECs and have a boyfriend it is very difficult and you have to be able to deal with snatching the odd hour or two together and constantly clock-watching. This place is a bubble and a forced, artificial environment as you are thrown together so intensely with people for very short terms interspersed with long vacations. I personally have doubts about whether you can ever be certain how you really feel about someone in such a hothouse, where nothing is real or natural.

Reply 7

xx_ambellina_xx

14

rowena

Hi all, I've just been dumped because I'm coming to Cambridge in October. Basically he doesnt think he'll see me when I get there. He only lives 15 miles away from the city. What are your views on this? Can you keep a relationship going when you're at Cambridge, and would I have any free time to see him? thanx
Rowena x

Firstly, how do you know you're coming to Cambridge? Surely it's best to wait and see the outcome of your application before either of you make rash decisions. Secondly, I had the same problem last year, but it was because we were both coming up to Cambridge...how odd. Thirdly, people *do* have relationships at Cambridge. I know a few still with their boyfriends or girlfriends, although a lot of long-distance relationships have broken up already. As for having the time, it's really a case of balance...It's so hectic here at the moment that even if I wanted to have a relationship, I couldn't...

Reply 8

Niccolo

6

Michelle2

Yes, it is possible to have a relationship while at Cambridge, but it will probably be different from the kind of relationship you would have at another university. Things are stupidly intense here and time is at an absolute premium. If you want to keep up with your work, have a social life, join in with ECs and have a boyfriend it is very difficult and you have to be able to deal with snatching the odd hour or two together and constantly clock-watching. This place is a bubble and a forced, artificial environment as you are thrown together so intensely with people for very short terms interspersed with long vacations. I personally have doubts about whether you can ever be certain how you really feel about someone in such a hothouse, where nothing is real or natural.

that was a very perceptive post.

Reply 9

brunswick

xx_ambellina_xx

Firstly, how do you know you're coming to Cambridge? Surely it's best to wait and see the outcome of your application before either of you make rash decisions

Deferred entry perhaps?

Back to the question though, it is possible to have a relationship here, its just a matter of prioritising and getting a good work/play balance; spend lots of time with your bf/gf and you won't get much work time, a la moi :redface:

or, be sensible and sacrifice some term-time time (what wonderful English :rolleyes:

) in order to work and use the holidays to see more of your OH. Having said that, I've only been here since October, so other people on here will have a much better idea of how realistic it really is...

Reply 10

Charlottie

12

xx_ambellina_xx

Firstly, how do you know you're coming to Cambridge? Surely it's best to wait and see the outcome of your application before either of you make rash decisions.

She's on a gap year, Rhi. I'd assume that means she applied in our cycle and has an offer for next year.

Reply 11

Michelle2

3

L.J

You definitely have time for a relationship, and even a long distance relationship, at Cambridge. If you don't, you're not managing your time properly.

I managed to play football, netball and hockey, do all my work on time, go on drinking formals, go clubbing, get to all the lectures I want to go to, do my projects, see my friends and spend loads of time with my boyfriend.

That sounds brilliant, but I wouldn't necessarily say it's a case of inadaquate time management. To have managed all those activities, you must have very high energy levels and be able to work very quickly and efficiently. Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to possess those qualities, and so some tough choices have to be made.

Reply 12

FadeToBlackout

15

xx_ambellina_xx

It's so hectic here at the moment that even if I wanted to have a relationship, I couldn't...

Dammit.

Reply 13

Alewhey

The long distance thing can be done. Not sure if I'd recommend it, but there are obvious perks. This week I've been working like a maniac so that during the weekend I can head up to Nottingham for anniversary goodness. Regardless of wanting to see my girlfriend, I'm just looking forward to escaping this melting pot for a few days.

Maybe when I get back I'll be able to see my college through the wide eyes of a wonderstruck fresher once again... like I did all of 6 weeks ago.

Reply 14

Nellz

2

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with someone at Cambridge since he started - he's now in his second year. Last year we found that we could see each other about every two weeks (I was at school still) and talk at least every other day for ages on the phone. While it doesn't seem very much it definitely can work, you just have to remember that you're both leading separate lives outside of each other while you're apart.

Besides 15 miles away is nothing - you should at least give it a go before breaking up, if you don't try, then you'll never know :smile:

Reply 15

Joesi

my boyfriend started cambridge this year, whilst I'm in my last year of school in london. we've been together 3 years lol and to be honest I'm finding it really really hard not being able to see him or speak to him much, but i think its worth it when we do.

omg 15 miles that is a joke, my boyfriend lived further than that from me when we were both in london!! this may be a bit harsh but if he wanted to make it work it wouldn't be remotely hard so perhaps its time to get over the selfish bastard!

Reply 16

naelse

15

relationships are fine and perfectly doable. It sounds like he was looking for a kind way to break up with you instead of just being a man and telling the truth.

Reply 17

Helenia

20

Relationships within and outside of Cambridge are doable, but neither are entirely easy. There are a FEW long-distance ones which do last, but the vast majority don't; of all my friends who came up to university in relationships only two made it past the first year, and they both broke up early in 2nd year. But having lasted that long, it's entirely possible that it was just the end of the relationship, rather than it being because of Cambridge.

However, if he's ditching you a year in advance, that's a really really lame excuse especially when he lives so close.

Lauren, I wish I had your energy...but then I do generally make it to my 9 o'clock lectures :p:

Reply 18

YouKnewThat!

1

rowena

Hi all, I've just been dumped because I'm coming to Cambridge in October. Basically he doesnt think he'll see me when I get there. He only lives 15 miles away from the city. What are your views on this? Can you keep a relationship going when you're at Cambridge, and would I have any free time to see him? thanx
Rowena x

Why is Cambridge different to any other university in terms of keeping a relationship going :confused:

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Helenia

Relationships within and outside of Cambridge are doable, but neither are entirely easy.

As above

Reply 19

Helenia

20

YouKnewThat!

Why is Cambridge different to any other university in terms of keeping a relationship going :confused:

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As above :confused:

Well, it's as Michelle says - our terms are very short and life here is very intense that you're not really living in the real world and what works well for 8 week bursts here may not actually be sustainable long-term. Both my boyfriend and I are very busy people - I'm a finalist, I run a Brownie unit, I am involved with the boat club and have various other commitments from time to time. Keeping up this level of activity AND seeing someone on a regular basis and actually getting to spend quality time with them is not easy. I also have the disadvantage that I get fatigue very easily; I don't know if this is a remnant of my Glandular fever in first year or just that I'm lame, but there are times when I can't commit to doing one more thing.

At other places terms are longer and the atmosphere seems to be more relaxed, it just gives you that little extra bit of breathing space.

Relationships at Cambridge

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