The Student Room Group

sad people who have nothing going for them

Hi I came back from a nice quiet walk into town by myself, got back and got into a kind of argument with my parents. Well they were yelling at me saying that im an attention seeker, loser and that they want money off me every week, dunno why but I said 'Your not getting it if you keep shouting' lol and she went on about how they were working to pay for losers like me and that she is entitled to it'. She then stood up and said to my dad 'see hes wound me up again i cant take it anymore' and then went on about how i like watching them argue and that shes embarrased when people ask about 'her son' at work cause all their kids have got bf's and gf's, jobs, go on holidays with friends etc.

I came upstairs and ive just heard them talking downstairs my mum said 'I don't feel sorry for him anymore' (cause ive quit uni due to anxiety etc) which is understandable since i appear to use it as an excuse for everthing ive not got a job etc. My dad then said he feels sad for me cause im a sad person who can't get on socially lol and my mum said something like yeh hes really weird which might be true cause i don't go clubbing or anything, i do have friends though. I know I sound like a complete loser but its not like that, I used to be ok in high school (well i thought i was cool, was one of the best at sport and everything even though i was really quiet lol). My mum said 'maybe hes jelous because im doing a course and he can't hack university, so hes trying to make me give up'. I also heard them say something about me trying to split them up, I mean wtf?? About 7% of what i heard them say was true!

Thing is because ive been bored stuck at home for months wondering if im ever gonna get over this anxiety/depression panic thing, ive developed a habit of sleeping all day and being up all night. So for ages ive been a lazy lout while both my parents have been working. Ive felt guilty for ages I feel guilty If i buy something or listen to music cause I know everyone else has to work but my mum thinks that I wanna be like this all my life sponging off them even though I don't. I plan do go to a different uni next year but at the same time worry that I'l have to quit like this time.

Its got me thinking though that maybe all these losers are just as good as everyone else, all they need to do is change a simple thing like get a job etc then they'l be classed as cool and normal :p: Or is it not like that?

Just wanted to tell ya all my thoughts, reading that i do sound like a spoilt brat but i don't know whether im entirely in the wrong i guess i feel sorry for myself too much but honestly what would anyone else do in my situation? Or would no one get themselves into this mess lol? Dont care what you say insult me if u wanna I just want honesty.

Thats if your still reading :redface:

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Reply 1
Its got me thinking though that maybe all these losers are just as good as everyone else, all they need to do is change a simple thing like get a job etc then they'l be classed as cool and normal Or is it not like that?


What seperates the 'losers' from the 'cool' people is that cool people dont sit around all day on their ass, depressed, waiting for something to happen in their lives, cool people get up and make that something happen for themselves.

...it's quite a sad little story really... :frown:
Reply 2
Have you had any help for your anxiety/depression? If you havent, that might be a place to start. See if you can get some counselling or speak to someone you trust.

If you are bored at home and feel this might be making your depression worse, try looking for a job, if you dont feel up to doing paid employment then maybe you could do some volunteering or something in the meantime just to get you started and focusing on something. Maybe then you'll feel confident enough to cary on with your life and get a full time job in the meantime. There are lots of organisations who can help young people like yourself, they can help you with your health issues and also look at where you can go from there employment/education wise.

As for your parents I dont really know what to say about them because I guess I dont know enough about your situation and dont want to be judgmental. They are probably just concerned about your well being and want you to make something of yourself. Tell them you heard what they said and you dont appreciate it, and tell them your plans. Hopefully then they will be a bit more understanding.
Everyone has something decent about them.
Reply 4
jovialtom
What seperates the 'losers' from the 'cool' people is that cool people dont sit around all day on their ass, depressed, waiting for something to happen in their lives, cool people get up and make that something happen for themselves.

...it's quite a sad little story really... :frown:


Your probably right, though the cool people get all the praise and the losers are just yelled at, thats life though I know.
Reply 5
I understand that you're not alright and that ending up in that situation is not your fault, but you really need to do something to change it. First of all, talk to your parents. Tell them you want a change in your life. That's probably all they want to hear. They must be frustrated because they don't know what's going on with you, how they could help and is it going to be like that forever.

The next step after that could be seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist about your anxiety/depression or whatever it is. You don't need to deal with those problems by yourself and you probably can't. There's nothing shameful in doing that.

Even if everything looks hopeless and you feel like your life is not ever going to change, that's not true. I'm sure just taking the first step to change your life will make you feel a lot better. It's like that with all problems in life I think. You just need to start somewhere.

Edit: And you probably should go and discuss these things with your parents right now instead of discussing them with us. Just say what's on your mind and that you'd like to change things and would appreciate their support. I'm sure they didn't mean all the things they said earlier, they're just frustrated.
Reply 6
hey i am a lazy bum for the year too (got expelled from sixth form:frown: ) But only for a year next year i'm back in school :smile:. But the difference between me and you is you quit and got expelled. Why you quit?, uni is the best time of your life. Damn, sometimes i fewl like a lazy bum im at home allday watching DOCTORS! while my mates are at school having fun, but next year i'll be back!
[QUOTE="Riddy"]Hi I came back from a nice quiet walk into town by myself, got back and got into a kind of argument with my parents. Well they were yelling at me saying that im an attention seeker, losercan't belive your own family would say this to you! and that they want money off me every week, dunno why but I said 'Your not getting it if you keep shouting' lol and she went on about how they were working to pay for losers like me and that she is entitled to it'. She then stood up and said to my dad 'see hes wound me up again i cant take it anymore' and then went on about how i like watching them argue and that shes embarrased when people ask about 'her son' at work cause all their kids have got bf's and gf's, jobs, go on holidays with friends etc. I'm sure my mum feels like this.She came home from work and takes pleasure in telling my that her mate's daughter has just jetted off to Greece with mates! As if I care![/I]

Thing is because ive been bored stuck at home there are so many things youy could be doing...find a part time job to start off, volunteer somewhere, or ask your mates about what they do? for months wondering if im ever gonna get over this anxiety/depression panic thing maybe you should see a doctor? However,your parents should realise that you need their support so let them know. ive developed a habit of sleeping all day and being up all night. So for ages ive been a lazy lout while both my parents have been working. Ive felt guilty for ages I feel guilty If i buy something or listen to music cause I know everyone else has to work but my mum thinks that I wanna be like this all my life sponging off them even though I don't. I plan do go to a different uni next year but at the same time worry that I'l have to quit like this time.

Its got me thinking though that maybe all these losers are just as good as everyone else, all they need to do is change a simple thing like get a job etc then they'l be classed as cool and normal :p: Or is it not like that?

Just wanted to tell ya all my thoughts, reading that i do sound like a spoilt brat but i don't know whether im entirely in the wrong i guess i feel sorry for myself too much but honestly what would anyone else do in my situation? Or would no one get themselves into this mess lol? Dont care what you say insult me if u wanna I just want honesty.

Thats if your still reading :redface:


Anyway, I'm sure once you get out there and do something enjoyable you won't be that "sad loser" and you will be able to prove to your parents that you're not! :smile:
Reply 8
Riddy
Hi I came back from a nice quiet walk into town by myself, got back and got into a kind of argument with my parents. Well they were yelling at me saying that im an attention seeker, loser and that they want money off me every week, dunno why but I said 'Your not getting it if you keep shouting' lol and she went on about how they were working to pay for losers like me and that she is entitled to it'. She then stood up and said to my dad 'see hes wound me up again i cant take it anymore' and then went on about how i like watching them argue and that shes embarrased when people ask about 'her son' at work cause all their kids have got bf's and gf's, jobs, go on holidays with friends etc.

I came upstairs and ive just heard them talking downstairs my mum said 'I don't feel sorry for him anymore' (cause ive quit uni due to anxiety etc) which is understandable since i appear to use it as an excuse for everthing ive not got a job etc. My dad then said he feels sad for me cause im a sad person who can't get on socially lol and my mum said something like yeh hes really weird which might be true cause i don't go clubbing or anything, i do have friends though. I know I sound like a complete loser but its not like that, I used to be ok in high school (well i thought i was cool, was one of the best at sport and everything even though i was really quiet lol). My mum said 'maybe hes jelous because im doing a course and he can't hack university, so hes trying to make me give up'. I also heard them say something about me trying to split them up, I mean wtf?? About 7% of what i heard them say was true!

Thing is because ive been bored stuck at home for months wondering if im ever gonna get over this anxiety/depression panic thing, ive developed a habit of sleeping all day and being up all night. So for ages ive been a lazy lout while both my parents have been working. Ive felt guilty for ages I feel guilty If i buy something or listen to music cause I know everyone else has to work but my mum thinks that I wanna be like this all my life sponging off them even though I don't. I plan do go to a different uni next year but at the same time worry that I'l have to quit like this time.

Its got me thinking though that maybe all these losers are just as good as everyone else, all they need to do is change a simple thing like get a job etc then they'l be classed as cool and normal :p: Or is it not like that?

Just wanted to tell ya all my thoughts, reading that i do sound like a spoilt brat but i don't know whether im entirely in the wrong i guess i feel sorry for myself too much but honestly what would anyone else do in my situation? Or would no one get themselves into this mess lol? Dont care what you say insult me if u wanna I just want honesty.

Thats if your still reading :redface:


awwwwwwwwwww, first off you have social problems, do you found it hard to mix with people? afraid of big crowds and stuff?
Reply 9
.Em.
Have you had any help for your anxiety/depression? If you havent, that might be a place to start. See if you can get some counselling or speak to someone you trust.

If you are bored at home and feel this might be making your depression worse, try looking for a job, if you dont feel up to doing paid employment then maybe you could do some volunteering or something in the meantime just to get you started and focusing on something. Maybe then you'll feel confident enough to cary on with your life and get a full time job in the meantime. There are lots of organisations who can help young people like yourself, they can help you with your health issues and also look at where you can go from there employment/education wise.

As for your parents I dont really know what to say about them because I guess I dont know enough about your situation and dont want to be judgmental. They are probably just concerned about your well being and want you to make something of yourself. Tell them you heard what they said and you dont appreciate it, and tell them your plans. Hopefully then they will be a bit more understanding.


Cheers im still waiting for the coucelling place to ring up, to be honest Im just mad at my parents for not being supportive (maybe i dont deserve it who knows) since even when i was at college doing fine they called my apperence regular saying i was a geek, she was too embarrased to be seen with me as her son and that I'l never get a girlfriend etc. Also though i feel like ive been spoilt since she has bought me stuff, a pc, front row concert tickets etc then when shes yelling she brings all this up about how shes nice to me so I feel really guilty at the same time for being like this and not working. Maybe my mums just weird lol I don't know the situations complicated!!
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Lucas123
awwwwwwwwwww, first off you have social problems, do you found it hard to mix with people? afraid of big crowds and stuff?


Thats debatable! Some people would say yes since im really quiet and get embarrased easy so start acting weird so people think im strange. Others i find it easy to talk to and become friends with. I know it sounds like I have learning difficulties, I don't lol!
I've never been one of the classically cool people either. Don't feel you're weird for not doing a particular thing, everyone is an individual, and thats what makes life so interesting! I don't go clubbing because I dont enjoy it. I havent had a serious girlfriend because I dont wanna go out with someone just for the sake of it. My dad said he was 'worried' because I dont have a girlfriend or have friends round all the time. I have loads of friends, but if theres something I dont wanna do, Im not gunna do it just to please someone else (obviously not true in all cases). If I were you, Id see a doctor if youre depression/anxiety is affecting you that badly, and to try not to listen to your parents, cos theyre gunna make it worse. Thats a lot harder than it sounds, but feel confident in yourself, and dont give a damn about what other people think about how you dress/what music you listen to/whether you go out/whatever. If you can, get at least a part-time job, cos if nothing else itll get you out of the house, and make you feel a little better about yourself.

What seperates the 'cool' people from the 'normal' people is how well they fit into the little boxes society encourages us to use, and how well they act as sheep. Getting a job isnt going to change who you are, or how someone perceives you if theyre being pig-headed. But if you get some confidence, throw back your shoulders, keep your head up, and look the world square in the eye, youre going to get on a lot better in life!! If you shy away from the world and cower in a corner, it lowers your chances of finding a job or getting the girl. Please dont think Im having a go, Im just trying to boost you!

If you take anything away from this post, make sure its this: Confidence is the key. So what if that girl laughs when you ask her out, or that guy thinks you listen to weird music? Take it on the chin, then forget about it!

Hope things start to look up soon. PM me if you need to talk.
Riddy
Thats debatable! Some people would say yes since im really quiet and get embarrased easy so start acting weird so people think im strange. Others i find it easy to talk to and become friends with. I know it sounds like I have learning difficulties, I don't lol!


:cool: What kind of anixety problems do you have? :confused:
Reply 12
Lucas123
:cool: What kind of anixety problems do you have? :confused:


Mainly panic attacks, it doesn't matter where I am though they are a lot worse and more likely to happen if im out. Some days I feel ok and confident others Im just constantly anxious.
Riddy
Mainly panic attacks, it doesn't matter where I am though they are a lot worse and more likely to happen if im out. Some days I feel ok and confident others Im just constantly anxious.


my advice to you: would be firstly you made a mistake, quitting Uni and not getting a job: but so what, your young, we make mistakes etc.....

Secoundly: get a early night :wink: your developing bad habits :smile:
You are who you are nothing can change that xxx
Reply 15
The Mudman
I've never been one of the classically cool people either. Don't feel you're weird for not doing a particular thing, everyone is an individual, and thats what makes life so interesting! I don't go clubbing because I dont enjoy it. I havent had a serious girlfriend because I dont wanna go out with someone just for the sake of it. My dad said he was 'worried' because I dont have a girlfriend or have friends round all the time. I have loads of friends, but if theres something I dont wanna do, Im not gunna do it just to please someone else (obviously not true in all cases). If I were you, Id see a doctor if youre depression/anxiety is affecting you that badly, and to try not to listen to your parents, cos theyre gunna make it worse. Thats a lot harder than it sounds, but feel confident in yourself, and dont give a damn about what other people think about how you dress/what music you listen to/whether you go out/whatever. If you can, get at least a part-time job, cos if nothing else itll get you out of the house, and make you feel a little better about yourself.

What seperates the 'cool' people from the 'normal' people is how well they fit into the little boxes society encourages us to use, and how well they act as sheep. Getting a job isnt going to change who you are, or how someone perceives you if theyre being pig-headed. But if you get some confidence, throw back your shoulders, keep your head up, and look the world square in the eye, youre going to get on a lot better in life!! If you shy away from the world and cower in a corner, it lowers your chances of finding a job or getting the girl. Please dont think Im having a go, Im just trying to boost you!

If you take anything away from this post, make sure its this: Confidence is the key. So what if that girl laughs when you ask her out, or that guy thinks you listen to weird music? Take it on the chin, then forget about it!

Hope things start to look up soon. PM me if you need to talk.


cheers dude, I think everything youv'e said is really useful! You have to admit though that the majority of people manage to conform well to society even if its just an act, if people don't have that tiny skill it seems to wreck everything unless they are really confident like you said.
Thanks thats helped
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Lucas123
my advice to you: would be firstly you made a mistake, quitting Uni and not getting a job: but so what, your young, we make mistakes etc.....

Secoundly: get a early night :wink: your developing bad habits :smile:


Im aiming to be asleep before 1am tonight, I thought quite a few people on here had the same habit until 2 days ago at 4.30am when I noticed all but one had the USA flag next to their name, anyway thanks :smile:
No problem matey. Just out of interest, do you really want to conform, or do you want what appears (and is forced on us by advertising) to be only available to you if you conform? Like you can "only get the girls if you buy this shirt/car/deodourant", or "youll be successful in this suit". Seriously, a little confidence can go a long way. The way I saw it, most of the public Im never gunna see again, and so what if I do? Opinions are like bellybuttons. Everyones got one, and they dont hold much water...

Just be proud to be you.
Reply 17
at seperates the 'losers' from the 'cool' people is that cool people dont sit around all day on their ass, depressed, waiting for something to happen in their lives, cool people get up and make that something happen for themselves


im in excatly the same place here i haven't got a job, and have to borrow money, so i have just sigfned on and most of the money is going to pay for my phone bill which is digustingly high as i have to pay for my bros as well,
its not a case of sitting around all day i have tried i have been to god knows how mny interview roughly id say 16 and nothing loads of cvs have been sent out and applications filled out!!

i cant stand the fact people think im lazy and some people who don;t have jobs do sponge off hte goverment only to feed there habbits, i don;t understand why none will employ me i have got loads of good qualifications and customer training and experiance, everyone in this city is to snobby to lok at someone who clearly isn't as bright as some people(me i can just about spell and read dylexia)

my brother is lazy he quit his job stop driving his car, his gf took over his life shattered it and left the pieces behind he hasn;t even got he motivation to get up and get out there and look!!
Reply 18
Riddy, sounds like you've had a tough time :frown:

First I want to say that you should look at your 'year out' as a time to get the help that you want, so that when you go back to Uni, you'll feel more conficent and prepared.

Secondly, it seems really unfair that your parents aren't supporting your decision to quit. I think it takes a really strong person to admit things are too much, and an even stronger person to do something about it. You intend to go back to Uni next year, and this is a positive thing so they should realise you're not just a 'sponger' :frown: Just because you don't like clubbing doesn't mean you're sad, as you put it, it simply means you have other interests. The fact that you feel guilty about having been round the house for months shows that you do care, and want to do something about this. Maybe try and find a part time job, or even voluntary work, to get you out the house. I understand you've probably looked already, but with Christmas coming up there might be lots of temporary opportunities, which will at least get you socialising and get you some money!

Thirdly (and finally you'll be glad to hear!) about your sleeping pattern, this might be some of the reason why you feel bad, I mean you can't sleep so you stay up, then when you do sleep you sleep all day, meaning that when your parents come in from work you've only just woken up, and so might be a bit grouchy, which makes things feel a whole lot worse. It's like a viscious circle, but one that can be broken! If you go to bed 5am, MAKE yourself get up at 9am, plan your day out, like go for walk and get morning paper at 10am, do something constructive at 11, even if its just something really dull like the ironing, it'll help your Mam and make her see you're trying. Maybe even attempt to cook them something for when they come in from work, it might make them see you're not a 'loser' as you say. By the time 8pm comes, you'll be so tired, you'll sleep, then get up normal time. Then eventually you'll get into a routine of waking up normal times, and going to bed normal times. I'm just saying this as it seems you want to change your sleep routine, I'm not in anyway saying sleeping through the day and staying up al night isn't right!

Anyway I think I've probably bored you enough! :blush: I just wanna say hang on in there and things will turn themselves around, good luck, I know panic/anxiety is such a horrible thing to live with, but you will get through it and you can PM me anytime you need :hugs:
Reply 19
Riddy, sounds like you've had a tough time :frown:

First I want to say that you should look at your 'year out' as a time to get the help that you want, so that when you go back to Uni, you'll feel more conficent and prepared.

Secondly, it seems really unfair that your parents aren't supporting your decision to quit. I think it takes a really strong person to admit things are too much, and an even stronger person to do something about it. You intend to go back to Uni next year, and this is a positive thing so they should realise you're not just a 'sponger' :frown: Just because you don't like clubbing doesn't mean you're sad, as you put it, it simply means you have other interests. The fact that you feel guilty about having been round the house for months shows that you do care, and want to do something about this. Maybe try and find a part time job, or even voluntary work, to get you out the house. I understand you've probably looked already, but with Christmas coming up there might be lots of temporary opportunities, which will at least get you socialising and get you some money!

Thirdly (and finally you'll be glad to hear!) about your sleeping pattern, this might be some of the reason why you feel bad, I mean you can't sleep so you stay up, then when you do sleep you sleep all day, meaning that when your parents come in from work you've only just woken up, and so might be a bit grouchy, which makes things feel a whole lot worse. It's like a viscious circle, but one that can be broken! If you go to bed 5am, MAKE yourself get up at 9am, plan your day out, like go for walk and get morning paper at 10am, do something constructive at 11, even if its just something really dull like the ironing, it'll help your Mam and make her see you're trying. Maybe even attempt to cook them something for when they come in from work, it might make them see you're not a 'loser' as you say. By the time 8pm comes, you'll be so tired, you'll sleep, then get up normal time. Then eventually you'll get into a routine of waking up normal times, and going to bed normal times. I'm just saying this as it seems you want to change your sleep routine, I'm not in anyway saying sleeping through the day and staying up al night isn't right!

Anyway I think I've probably bored you enough! :blush: I just wanna say hang on in there and things will turn themselves around, good luck, I know panic/anxiety is such a horrible thing to live with, but you will get through it and you can PM me anytime you need :hugs: