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getting over ex's
well me and my ex-gf broke up around 6 months ago and i was pretty much over here by the end of the summer... she wanted to stay mates, i was a bit uncertain about it because she treated me like absolute crap to end the relationship, but i decided to give it a go anyway because it's what i had wanted while i was going out - couldn't imagine just losing contact with her
anyway, a few months on, things aren't exactly going great. i'm hearing a load about how much she loves her new bf etc. which obviously isn't very nice to hear and can get me down, although i try just to brush it off and keep going. there also seems to be something just stopping us from properly being mates, but i can't put my finger on it.
she enters my mind pretty much every day and i just don't know where to go from here, part of me wants to be mates because we just click so easily and have a good time when things are going well... but on the other hand she's made me feel ******* than anyone else ever has, and it's still not nice to hear about her current bf etc - what should i do? i've tried ignoring her and although it can work for a time i do find myself thinking about her occasionally, and she's always asking to meet up (tho i've only agreed once in the past 6 months)... one idea was just to be honest with her - tell her that i'm finding it hard to understand why she would want to be mates with me after she treated me so bad, which at least would satisfy me in knowing that i'd make her feel guilty - which would get to her a lot... is it really worth it tho?
sorry for the lack of order, just wrote as it came to my head... any suggestions/comments on my ramblings would be appreciated
cheers, steve
anyway, a few months on, things aren't exactly going great. i'm hearing a load about how much she loves her new bf etc. which obviously isn't very nice to hear and can get me down, although i try just to brush it off and keep going. there also seems to be something just stopping us from properly being mates, but i can't put my finger on it.
she enters my mind pretty much every day and i just don't know where to go from here, part of me wants to be mates because we just click so easily and have a good time when things are going well... but on the other hand she's made me feel ******* than anyone else ever has, and it's still not nice to hear about her current bf etc - what should i do? i've tried ignoring her and although it can work for a time i do find myself thinking about her occasionally, and she's always asking to meet up (tho i've only agreed once in the past 6 months)... one idea was just to be honest with her - tell her that i'm finding it hard to understand why she would want to be mates with me after she treated me so bad, which at least would satisfy me in knowing that i'd make her feel guilty - which would get to her a lot... is it really worth it tho?
sorry for the lack of order, just wrote as it came to my head... any suggestions/comments on my ramblings would be appreciated
cheers, steve
Reply 1
to be honest, if it were me, i'd prob want to make her feel guilty! It might be what you need to move on, on the other hand, she might avoid you because she might feel too bad or to try avoid any awkwardness. Saying that, she might already feel bad and your trying to avoid her, so maybe thats whats holding both of you back from being mates.
If you tell her at least you;ll feel better and she'll know that its been bothering you.
Saying that, a guy i dated for a month at the beginning of the yr txts me n asks to meet up but i never have because im afraid it'll be too awkward, and he'll try get bk together especially snce it was me whho finished it and im now seeing someone else.
She might have treated you badly in order to get u to break up with her so she wouldn't have to, and now she either feels really bad for doing it so suggests meeting up or she misses your friendship.
sorry i can't be better help, you should try to move on, you sound like a really sweet guy.
If you tell her at least you;ll feel better and she'll know that its been bothering you.
Saying that, a guy i dated for a month at the beginning of the yr txts me n asks to meet up but i never have because im afraid it'll be too awkward, and he'll try get bk together especially snce it was me whho finished it and im now seeing someone else.
She might have treated you badly in order to get u to break up with her so she wouldn't have to, and now she either feels really bad for doing it so suggests meeting up or she misses your friendship.
sorry i can't be better help, you should try to move on, you sound like a really sweet guy.
Reply 2
mmm seems a bit weird that shes trying to meet up with you even though she has a new boyf, unless you were good mates before you went out.
Sounds like shes not worth the time, she might just be playing you about and trying to hold onto you in case things dont work out with her other boyf... I suggest you just move on without her, obviously if you see her around be polite but dont let her get away with treating you like crap.
If you just start being mates with her again she'll think shes got away with it.
Sounds like shes not worth the time, she might just be playing you about and trying to hold onto you in case things dont work out with her other boyf... I suggest you just move on without her, obviously if you see her around be polite but dont let her get away with treating you like crap.
If you just start being mates with her again she'll think shes got away with it.
Reply 3
13
Trying to be mates when you're still getting down about her and her new boyf is never going to work.
You need a clean break to put her firmly in your past. You might end up being mates again after you have both had time to get over each other properly, but trying to stay friends after a split that wasn't completely mutual is just impossible.
Good luck xxx
You need a clean break to put her firmly in your past. You might end up being mates again after you have both had time to get over each other properly, but trying to stay friends after a split that wasn't completely mutual is just impossible.
Good luck xxx
Reply 4
I try to be mates with all my exs and it never works properly if your ex has a new girlfriend/boyfriend. Why i say i'm still friends with them, i'd also never see them if i had a boyfriend. And now i've just split up with a guy and I'm back to hanging out with my ex who i get on well with. It's a bit messed up really, but i'd feel too guilty seeing an ex if i was with someone new. xx
Reply 5
15
Yeah, I had exactly this. Although my ex hasn't phoned or texted me or anything since July. But I tried getting over her a couple of weeks ago- and as you said it worked for a while, but when I went back to school it just came back to me and i think about her every day and it's preventing me from getting another GF cos I still think of her as the one... tricky situation...
Reply 6
thanks so much for the replies, there's something that i can relate to in every post...
she actually admitted this to me, and i would have broken up with her if i hadn't have thought it was just a phase and it was going to improve. i've also heard off a friend lately that she misses me, and i do miss chatting with her because we clicked so easily... but part of me still wants to screw with her head because i know how sensitive she is and it'd be nothing more than she deserves. i was never nasty to her, despite how crap she treated me, which i kinda regret in a way because at least if i'd been honest and had a go then the air would have cleared. in fact a few months ago when i texted her asking if it'd be alright to have a chat and sort things out the first thing she said was "don't have a go" - seems like she was expecting me to, meaning i wouldn't be wrong too...
we were never mates before we went out, which is another reason to me why i think it wouldn't work - there's always been something more than mates between us. and you're right - if we just got on perfectly as friends then it'd definitely seem like she's got away with it, which is what i don't want. sometimes seems to me like i want her just to feel guilty about the whole situation more than i want the friendship... depends on my mood i guess
it was quite possibly the messiest break up ever... things were going great and then all of a sudden i got ignored pretty much for a month solid, right during my a-level exams. she wouldn't pick up her mobile, reply to texts, speak on msn etc and even when she did reply she wouldn't say what was up... that's the lowest over a period of time i think i've ever felt - trying to revise with the constant thought of why this girl i'm crazy over is ignoring me is just impossible... thankfully it didn't screw up my a-levels too much though. i guess it finally ended when i confronted her face to face about it, but even then she wasn't definite about ending it and lied about some stuff not worth going into. she even later had a go at me when i said she ignored me (how can you deny ignoring someone?!) so yeah in summary not particularly clean!
i'm definitely finding that out at the moment, we've got a lot of mutual friends so i always hear about how much they're in love and all the pictures etc... really not nice to see for obvious reasons
reassuring to know there's someone who's going through the same thing! my ex goes through my mind every day, which is something i'm looking to stop, but it's so hard when there's just time to chill, my mind will normally just revert back to her. i mean the relationship/breakup has changed the last year so dramatically that it's impossible not to think about her, but i think thats what's stopping me from feeling how i felt before i even knew her - if i can just get her out of my head. and i think to be honest, the no-contact situation in your position is slightly better, although both scenarios are pretty crappy anyway. not speaking to her allowed me to move on, but now that she thinks i'm over her and i want to be mates, i hear from her all the time, which has kinda reverted me back to how i was before.
sorry for the long post but felt like replying to everyone! i think the question now is whether to play the guilt card on her, like i said i've never been nasty in any way to her, just because i'm not really that kinda guy, but outta everyone i've met, i think she deserves it. at least if i just get everything off my chest - tell her how crap she made me feel, how bad she treated me, how i don't understand why she would want to be mates after she did that - then at least i'd get some closure on the relationship finally. i mean knowing the kinda person she is i'd probably never hear from her again if i said those kinda things to her, but i suppose that could be a good thing... but if she did have the b***ocks (for want of a better word!... dignity?) to stand up and apologise and accept what she did (which i highly doubt would happen) then maybe the friendship could work out. so yeah, do you think it's advisable to do something like that? or do you think that i'd just be letting myself in for more trouble?
cheers steve
to be honest, if it were me, i'd prob want to make her feel guilty!... She might have treated you badly in order to get u to break up with her so she wouldn't have to, and now she either feels really bad for doing it so suggests meeting up or she misses your friendship.
she actually admitted this to me, and i would have broken up with her if i hadn't have thought it was just a phase and it was going to improve. i've also heard off a friend lately that she misses me, and i do miss chatting with her because we clicked so easily... but part of me still wants to screw with her head because i know how sensitive she is and it'd be nothing more than she deserves. i was never nasty to her, despite how crap she treated me, which i kinda regret in a way because at least if i'd been honest and had a go then the air would have cleared. in fact a few months ago when i texted her asking if it'd be alright to have a chat and sort things out the first thing she said was "don't have a go" - seems like she was expecting me to, meaning i wouldn't be wrong too...
unless you were good mates before you went out.
...If you just start being mates with her again she'll think shes got away with it.
...If you just start being mates with her again she'll think shes got away with it.
we were never mates before we went out, which is another reason to me why i think it wouldn't work - there's always been something more than mates between us. and you're right - if we just got on perfectly as friends then it'd definitely seem like she's got away with it, which is what i don't want. sometimes seems to me like i want her just to feel guilty about the whole situation more than i want the friendship... depends on my mood i guess
You need a clean break to put her firmly in your past.
it was quite possibly the messiest break up ever... things were going great and then all of a sudden i got ignored pretty much for a month solid, right during my a-level exams. she wouldn't pick up her mobile, reply to texts, speak on msn etc and even when she did reply she wouldn't say what was up... that's the lowest over a period of time i think i've ever felt - trying to revise with the constant thought of why this girl i'm crazy over is ignoring me is just impossible... thankfully it didn't screw up my a-levels too much though. i guess it finally ended when i confronted her face to face about it, but even then she wasn't definite about ending it and lied about some stuff not worth going into. she even later had a go at me when i said she ignored me (how can you deny ignoring someone?!) so yeah in summary not particularly clean!
I try to be mates with all my exs and it never works properly if your ex has a new girlfriend/boyfriend
i'm definitely finding that out at the moment, we've got a lot of mutual friends so i always hear about how much they're in love and all the pictures etc... really not nice to see for obvious reasons
Yeah, I had exactly this. Although my ex hasn't phoned or texted me or anything since July. But I tried getting over her a couple of weeks ago- and as you said it worked for a while, but when I went back to school it just came back to me and i think about her every day and it's preventing me from getting another GF cos I still think of her as the one... tricky situation...
reassuring to know there's someone who's going through the same thing! my ex goes through my mind every day, which is something i'm looking to stop, but it's so hard when there's just time to chill, my mind will normally just revert back to her. i mean the relationship/breakup has changed the last year so dramatically that it's impossible not to think about her, but i think thats what's stopping me from feeling how i felt before i even knew her - if i can just get her out of my head. and i think to be honest, the no-contact situation in your position is slightly better, although both scenarios are pretty crappy anyway. not speaking to her allowed me to move on, but now that she thinks i'm over her and i want to be mates, i hear from her all the time, which has kinda reverted me back to how i was before.
sorry for the long post but felt like replying to everyone! i think the question now is whether to play the guilt card on her, like i said i've never been nasty in any way to her, just because i'm not really that kinda guy, but outta everyone i've met, i think she deserves it. at least if i just get everything off my chest - tell her how crap she made me feel, how bad she treated me, how i don't understand why she would want to be mates after she did that - then at least i'd get some closure on the relationship finally. i mean knowing the kinda person she is i'd probably never hear from her again if i said those kinda things to her, but i suppose that could be a good thing... but if she did have the b***ocks (for want of a better word!... dignity?) to stand up and apologise and accept what she did (which i highly doubt would happen) then maybe the friendship could work out. so yeah, do you think it's advisable to do something like that? or do you think that i'd just be letting myself in for more trouble?
cheers
steveReply 7
been there done that mate, hurts like a son of a ***** doesnt it? Good luck with it all dude
Reply 8
I know how u feel m8, split up with my ex a few weeks ago, the whole relationship was a bit crap as she never seemed to have time for me etc. This made me feel like crap aswell. We finally split when i found out that she had been texting this guy and she seemed more interested in him than me. I ended it, but i regret it and cant stop thinking about her. She wants to see me again, but i said im not sure as i still have feelings for her and ultimately want to get back together with her, and i know the friends thing wont work because of this.
Its a tricky one mate, and she was well out of order to ignore you for that period of time. If you re not interested in her anymore the best thing to do will be to try and forget about her and move on as she might mess you about in the future if you become friends...
Its a tricky one mate, and she was well out of order to ignore you for that period of time. If you re not interested in her anymore the best thing to do will be to try and forget about her and move on as she might mess you about in the future if you become friends...
Reply 9
10
just get over her
ive never had hang ups about exes i suppose i must be heartless
ive never had hang ups about exes i suppose i must be heartless
Reply 10
I know how you feel! My relationship ended this week although its been pretty much over since October. Like yours, i never really had a clean break. I sorta had to just 'work out' that it really had ended. Worse still, this relationship was one I went into quickly after my first had ended, and that is not good now, since the majority of reasons my first one ended are the reasons this one did too. It makes me questions all sort of things about myself and just generally dents my confidence. My boyfriend helped me get over my past relationship before we got together, and now its just all messed up for me in my head.
He wants to be very close friends, which i crave and find hard to handle both at once. I love him, and want him in my life in all possible ways, he's made me a lot stronger and beleive things about myself which i dont think i could do if he just walked away. He was my friend before we got together so we vowed frienship always, but its one of the hardest things. To try to make yourself fall out of love with someone that you still want to love and care for is so difficult. Its natural to want to hurt him/her, and in your case you seem to have much reason to want to hurt her. It really is your call on what is more important to you. Do you love her enough ( even just as a friend ) to want her to remain in your life in whatever way possible? Or do you feel wasted on her, like she doesnt appreciate you and in which case her out of your life wouldnt be much loss? Really you have to way up how much of a friend she is to you. If she isnt really a good friend at all then dont keep her in your life just because she is your ex and you were once so happy together. Its very hard as i know cos i am experiencing it just now, but we both have to realise the past isnt goin to come back. You know have to decide if she is worth it in your future. If your only hanging on for the sake of love and whats been then its not worth it.
Good luck. If you ever need to talk, im going through the same thing so might be able to offer some help or friendship.
He wants to be very close friends, which i crave and find hard to handle both at once. I love him, and want him in my life in all possible ways, he's made me a lot stronger and beleive things about myself which i dont think i could do if he just walked away. He was my friend before we got together so we vowed frienship always, but its one of the hardest things. To try to make yourself fall out of love with someone that you still want to love and care for is so difficult. Its natural to want to hurt him/her, and in your case you seem to have much reason to want to hurt her. It really is your call on what is more important to you. Do you love her enough ( even just as a friend ) to want her to remain in your life in whatever way possible? Or do you feel wasted on her, like she doesnt appreciate you and in which case her out of your life wouldnt be much loss? Really you have to way up how much of a friend she is to you. If she isnt really a good friend at all then dont keep her in your life just because she is your ex and you were once so happy together. Its very hard as i know cos i am experiencing it just now, but we both have to realise the past isnt goin to come back. You know have to decide if she is worth it in your future. If your only hanging on for the sake of love and whats been then its not worth it.
Good luck. If you ever need to talk, im going through the same thing so might be able to offer some help or friendship.
Reply 11
I've never been too hung up over exs either. Then again my exs are the people we don't want to talk about.
Only advice I can give for getting over people is to go out and get pissed...
Only advice I can give for getting over people is to go out and get pissed...
Reply 12
10
I can give for getting over people is to go out and get pissed...
one of the best things i have heard for a few weeks i think
i did that after finishing with my ex onlyto go and meet another one lol, but nothing came of it lol, i hated the fact my ex turned up at the club i was at to shout at me in front of loads of people lol, wasn;t let in though lol i believe he was escorted off the premises, ha ha ha ha ha one of the funniest things!!
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