The problem with university life

Will2005

I'm not sure if this is meant to tie in with relationships, but still...

I'm in my second year at university, and I'm not enjoying it. This has nothing to do with my course or the debts I'm already in, but more to do with how I'm getting on with other students - including my flat mates.

It just seems to me that most students are all the same - they are all into the same music, same interests, wear the same clothes, all of them are into drinking and sex, and none of them I don't think could look out of place on a night out in the town in binge drinking hot spots. You get girls in uni who wear make-up and tarty clothes and go out on the piss and pull. All my flat mates seem to talk about is how wasted they got and how this person and that 'shagged a fit bird last night', and often I feel neglected if I refuse to go out with them at least once a week, yet alone discuss my sex life. Most students I meet come across as very bland and shallow people.

It just seems to me that uni life is all sexed up and common, and it's not like how I remember it when my cousin was in uni years ago. I went to visit him in his hall of residence about 9 or 10 years ago, and I remember all the other students being a very varied and diverse bunch of people, all of them were really like-minded and laid back. I understand that university intakes have increased over the past few years, but a little diversity shouldn't be hard to go by.

I'm not sure if anyone feels the same way, but it would be interesting to see what everyone else thinks.

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Reply 1

different?

That is likely the impression i've been getting and why i am a bit apprehensive aboue going.

Reply 2

-TMG-

A lot of students are into drinking yes. Not so much the sex, at least with the flat mates and other people I know.

I don't really like to drink, but I don't mind either. Now I drink once a week, go out with my girlfriend. We don't have sex all the time...And I wear normal clothes...jeans and a t shirt usually. Is that what all students wear? (And why is that a problem).

I also enjoy my own company a lot, and writing and just thinking about things...I suppose I'm atypical lol but meh :P

I haven't been out with my flat mates for a while now, so I'll have to start goin out with them sometime too. Also, as for meeting diverse people and all that, my girlfriend is in a Hall Of Residence and they're all alcoholics :P

It's just luck that you get decent housemates although I agree most like to drink. Not that there's anything wrong with that, even though I don't like to drink a lot. I'm sure if you tried you could find people who were likeminded as yourself.

Reply 3

Sheen

id say that all the students that go uni are all sexed up so to speak...cos it seems thats what uni is mainly for appart from getting a degree.
its like everyone well most people break up with their g/f or b/f before they leave home if they have one...and all they do is go out every night get drunk...have sex with lots of different people and thats it :\ well thats the impression i get anyway.
I guess thats just the way it is now

Reply 4

Will2005

By the 'students wearing the same clothes', I meant stuff from Burtons, Topshop and River Island etc etc. It seems that almost all students wear flashy clothes, although the irony is that I wear similar stuff sometimes.

Reply 5

qwerty_st/n

i have to say, i rarely, if ever, socialise with students who aren't doing nursing, one of my flatmates does visual arts, and tbh we dont really socialise with her. but i think that a lot of that is to do with the amount of free time we get in comparison with everybody else-and the fact that the first 2 floors of our halls is primarily for nursing students.

so, whilst i have come across (and more often than not been involved in) heavy drinking and sexual depravity, its not on the same level as it is for the other students (it's probably worse) cos we only behave like that once in a blue moon.

so theres you answer. if you want a bit of peace and quiet-get with the student nurses whilst there all on placement!!!

Reply 6

lazydays

different?

That is likely the impression i've been getting and why i am a bit apprehensive aboue going.

Same here. And i hardly ever drink...like at all! I can just imagine everyone else going out to get drunk and me being alone....

Reply 7

Fyska

You're describing the 'generic' student there yes, but there are people who are different - I doubt you're alone - so why not join a society or two to try and find some likeminded people?

Reply 8

different?

Could be a lonely few years methinks
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Or at least a few years of being in the minority

Reply 9

zooropa

Surely uni is different to school and college (,i.e. VI form college).

I'd think in uni you'd have more freedom to be yourself. In school and college, everyone is expected to like the same things, have the same hobbies, even have the same opinions.

Reply 10

chel

Im at Cardiff and its very VERY diverse!. im afraid i like a good drink alot! but i definately dont go round sleeping with everyguy i meet or any unless im in a relationship with them. i like clothes that are a bit distinct from the norm and i like listenning to alternative music none of the pop, house, r n b etc. but even though in some ways im different from the typical student who goes around having one nightstands everyweek. im not lonely really, i know lots of ppl hu share my views on that kind of thing. i also know a good few ppl hu dont drink. My advice is to get out and mingle, alot of my friends are very different from me but thats no problem cos we have a laugh. societies for music or sports u like r a great way of getting to know ppl . there really is no reason to assume ul be lonely. or to not do anything about being lonely. good luck

Reply 11

...Sprigged...

Will2005

It just seems to me that most students are all the same - they are all into the same music, same interests, wear the same clothes...Most students I meet come across as very bland and shallow people.

I think this is true of most people you meet in life, not just uni. :frown:

Conformity is very much in style.

Reply 12

Ariel4

I dont find its like that. i noticed you were in liverpool - have you noticed how so many of the girls look the same - orange skin, tiny skirts or really tight jeans, poker straight hair, etc etc!

but if you meet the right people, who have the same interests as you, you will be fine. and dont worry if you havent done that yet. im in my second year, and it took me untill the end of last year to find people who i really enjoyed going out with, and who liked the same thing as me so dont worry. if youre not getting on with your flatmates, maybe change accommadation. a lot of how much you enjoy uni depends on how you get along with the people you live with, as this is how most people tend to make their friends at first.
try joining a society, i know everyone says this, but if youre having trouble finding people with the same interests as you, then this can help.

Reply 13

Flicker

different?

That is likely the impression i've been getting and why i am a bit apprehensive aboue going.

I was really anxious about coming to uni for the same reasons. I worked for a year, and got into a real "early to bed, early to rise" routine. But now i'm here, i love it!

Sure, SOME people go out ridiculous amounts, drink themselves stupid, sleep with anything that moves...but not the people i choose to be friends with. I like to go out for a dance, maybe once a week, but i don't drink loads, and most of the time we just go to a bar on campus and back someone's house.

Out of a university of thousands, i promise not everyone is like that. If it seems like that, and you've been unlucky with your block, go and find people on your course, or through societies, that aren't. They will be there!

And also, the other thing i've learnt is to have the confidence to say no if you don't want to go, or I often leave earlier than most people. Usually when i say i'm going to go many others leap up and are like "thank god, i wanted to go but didn't want to seem sad!"! So don't worry. It will be fine.

To the original poster - do what you want to do, and try and meet some other like minded people. what are the people on your course like?

Reply 14

slk999

Hmm, I see your problem- it's kinda like that with me at school- all people talk about is who got with who at the weekend and it's soo boring- mainly cos i havn't "got" with anyone yet, and maybe i'm jealous, i dunno. But I don't like it when all my friends are interested in socialising. It's like they are afraid that if they don't spend all the free time they've got in the common room thing for 6th form, then they will be rejected by everyone and their life will be a failure. This is not true at all. I don't spend all my time there and I'm not a failure and I do find other things to do. Just don't be put off by all the sexed up people- they are probably just insecure and only talk like that to gain the so called "respect" of their fellow peirs- for example when i go into the common room on a monday morning (all boy's house) they're all talking about what this 'bird' was like and it's like you'll be socially retarded if you don't get with someone. It's so awful- really, they're the ones with the social problems- not you.. so don't worry about it. HOWEVER, my friend's brother is at Uni and is in second year, and he lives with his girlfriend in a house with other couples and one single female and she feels really left out 'cos she's not with anyone- and I tell her not to be like that 'cos it doesn't matter- but I can see her point- it is annoying and depressing not to be like that- but just find people who aren't like that- people are aren't scared of being socially rejected. Those are the people you have to fish out and enjoy- not the socially inhibited people who go with the flow. You're better than that.

Reply 15

Poica

I see where you're coming from - a lot of the girls in my corridor are very clubby/alcoholic/etc. However, though I do talk to them, I don't really socialise with them. I'm certain there'll be people at your Uni on your wavelength - you just have to meet them. Tough, I know.
Just a question - you're in your second year, right? Didn't you choose the people you're living with?

Reply 16

Debs

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you Will2005. My experience has been the opposite, there are some students who are the way you described but not all of them. None of the people I have met are that way at all, they do enjoy the odd drink but don't go out to get wasted. There are also people like me who do not go out drinking at all and find other was to spend our time.

As the others have said try finding a club or society you like and you're sure to find people with the same interests as you

Reply 17

What's Chico Time Precious?

I definitely can see where you're coming from, sometimes I really do feel quite detached from the general uni community, I just can't relate to some peoples motivations for being here, if you know what i mean.
I don't think it's a bad thing, just, well, different.

Don't get me wrong I bloody love going out, drinking, having a dance in a club, letting my hair down and what not....but it just seems that (and i'm being very harsh and general here) I get the impression there are a lot of airheads at uni, people that have dishwash water personalites and are about as deep and meaningful as a puddle of mud....i think that kinda makes sense. I mean no offence to these people, but I expected more.

Reply 18

TKR

Durham isn't like that at all - the boys can actually dress quite well in the main and most of the girls are fabo dressers as well - there is loads of diversity - different backgrounds, different views different lifestyles. Going out is important but the drinking part is only vital if you can't have a good time out dancing unless you're drunk - but we do lots of other stuff too! Pyjama parties, chilling out to music (even though we have quite varying tastes) going out to eat or the cinema (typical young people things)! Or even sometimes having in depth political/phillosophical discussions! I guess it's just where you go and who you happen to end up hanging aorund with!

Reply 19

MagicNMedicine

Absolution

but it just seems that (and i'm being very harsh and general here) I get the impression there are a lot of airheads at uni, people that have dishwash water personalites and are about as deep and meaningful as a puddle of mud....i think that kinda makes sense. I mean no offence to these people, but I expected more.

that is probably true, a lot of people are jostling for 'social position' at uni and become quite false people. Not everybody though. First year at uni I found this more a problem than second.