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what's up with this?

Have you ever felt guilty about kissing other guys, and not been able to see any as a potential boyfriend, or reciprocate their advances, because you like another guy so much? Even though he's got a girlfriend. Even though you can see he has bad qualities and these other guys are 'better' (says society's ideals) but you just don't care, and want him. So badly. Even though he ****ing KNOWS you like him, and is still with his girlfriend (even though they've been on the rocks for a few months at least). Even though you know there's other girls who like him too, and you dont like competition. Have you? What can I do?
I told him like 3 weeks ago..I half wish I hadn't, as now I feel lonely, as although he said he'd "be happier with me than his current gf" and nice stuff like that...he's still with her...for ****'s sake..I'm 17..going to uni next year.. leaving this town..i want to start a relationship now, to see if it could go anywhere. At the very least, I could picture being long life friends with this guy, but maybe I'm deluded.

edit: arg. I cant leave it. Im constantly thinking about him, we get on really well, share interests and music taste. Have similar opinions. He defends me. I would do anything for him. My stomach's all butterflyey. He's what i think of when i wake up and go to sleep. It isnt fair.

Reply 1

Amlea

1

AWWWWWWWWWWW Yes its hard but u gotta try and forget about the dude with the girlfriend. If you stay like this you will only get hurt even more. Try to let go...

Though i'm a hyporcite...i like a guy who has a gf but is very nice....so nice i can't have him...i'm in the process of letting go!! :frown:

Reply 2

Poica

14

Mentally slap yourself whenever you think about him in any way other than a friend. Ignore him completely. Get bloody angry with yourself. Don't indulge yourself. Get bloody angry with him. It's better to be angry with him than to fawn over him when you'll never get him. Don't put up with the crap love throws at you.

Reply 3

burningwings

OP

1

letting go is hard!! i agree i'll only get hurt even more... so..if you think i should let go.. it'd be harmless to first check with him it couldnt go anywhere, yes? Cos atm if i went to him "So...us..will it ever go any further than friendship?" itd be weird and might put him off..but if i were to do it, with the mindset of then trying to forget, if he said "no" then whatever, and if he said "yes" then yay?
I cling too much. lol.
Amlea..why cant you have him? Are him and his gf happy?

Reply 4

Johnny 5

12

Put up with second best, but make sure you don't do it too reluctantly.

Reply 5

butterflytears

I agree, the best thing is to try and think about something else. Even if you prove to him that you are better than his current girlfriend, if he leaves his girlfriend for you, you "may" find yourself worrying after a while that he might leave you for the next girl. And thats not a nice situation to be in.

Reply 6

burningwings

OP

1

butterflytears..that's why he said he hadnt dumped his gf cos he couldnt do it for another girl alone..itd have to be cos of their relationship..
2+2=5 i cant take 2nd best...i would rather be single than go for someone who i dont like as much as i like someone else..i just couldnt do it
poica..ive tried that..i cant do it..as being angry with him makes it harder to hang out as a friend, and i dont want to lose him as that as well
everyone says we're perfect for each other, but it's not happening

Reply 7

Poica

14

Avoid him. Make him second to anything else. If he really likes you, he'll get jealous and come running. If he's not that bothered, at least you'll have taken the first step to moving on.

Reply 8

butterflytears

Well this guy doesnt seem like a jerk from what your saying (though I wouldnt be impressed with my boyfriend if he were talking about getting together with another girl behind my back?) I guess the only choice you have is to wait, or move on. If your perfect for each other, and the other relationship is on the rocks, it will happen for you :smile:

Reply 9

frank01277779

1

tough situation to be in...do you really not like being single? if your friendship with him is more important to you than having a boyfriend then you'll just have to be happy being friends for now, if you like him and cant have him and spend a lot of time with him then that will always be difficult for you.

If you are right for each other then things will happen at some point, if he wants to be with you more than his girlfriend then things will start going wrong in their realtionship...you may have to wait until then tho, until then, just listen to music loudly (you have good music taste!), it usually helps, and speak to people about how you're feeling if that helps you too...

I would recommend hanging around with your other friends more than him but i know what its like, you want to be with him even though you probably know its not for the best...

Reply 10

Profesh

20

punkskamonkey

tough situation to be in...do you really not like being single? if your friendship with him is more important to you than having a boyfriend then you'll just have to be happy being friends for now, if you like him and cant have him and spend a lot of time with him then that will always be difficult for you.

Oh, god: don't remind me.

Reply 11

burningwings

OP

1

ok that's cool..and..i dont want to make him second so much..but maybe not make him first so much..not deliberately put him back, but do other things despite the fact he's not there..lol.
i'll wait. but take this advice and try do other things too, putting things at the forefront of my mind that isnt him.. but my thoughts and stomach make it hard!!!! lol

punkskamonkey..very good advice!! i'll try follow that to a tee. im in a reminiscing to a few years ago and refinding linkin park and papa roach, as well as syl, monkees, ltj, guttermouth, blah blah, and'll immerse myself in that! lol. i dont not like being single..i just want to know im first in someone who i love's life

Reply 12

frank01277779

1

burningwings

i just want to know im first in someone who i love's life

yep, thats how im feeling a lot of the time too, you can have loads of friends, and go out and do things, but at the end of the day if you come back, and you're by yourself, you feel lonely, you wanna be special to somebody, even if they're not there knowing that you have each other is enough...

Reply 13

SamTheMan

17

burningwings

other guys are 'better' (says society's ideals)

Having girls not caring about those or about their social status would make a nice change.

Reply 14

SlyPie

12

burningwings

I told him like 3 weeks ago..I half wish I hadn't, as now I feel lonely, as although he said he'd "be happier with me than his current gf" and nice stuff like that...he's still with her...for ****'s sake..I'm 17..going to uni next year.. leaving this town..i want to start a relationship now, to see if it could go anywhere. At the very least, I could picture being long life friends with this guy, but maybe I'm deluded.

I haven't been in your position, but I've been in the guy's position. Or should I say, am.

Reply 15

Evenstar

13

If he'd be happier with you than his gf, why is he still with her?
Men are all the bloody same! Full of s***. :mad:

Reply 16

Objet trouvé

1

It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. Face it, you're his safety net and he's stringing you along. You have to make it clear to him that you are not prepared to hang around waiting for him.

If this means getting off with another guy, then so be it. If that makes him jealous, great, but a far more productive outcome is that it helps you move on. There are plenty of nice, cute, interesting guys out there, and if you keep comparing them to an ideal then you're not going to get anywhere. Try writing down a list of his faults. It will be carthatic. If you cannot think of any of his faults, then I'm afraid you're doomed.

Reply 17

Stunt girl

Have you ever felt guilty about kissing other guys, and not been able to see any as a potential boyfriend, or reciprocate their advances, because you like another guy so much? Even though he's got a girlfriend.

Argghh....story of my life right now! I know exactly how you feel. The annoying thing is any potential bfs that come along & I get on well with are all just tarnished because I can't forget about this other guy. He's the kind that causes your stomach to backflips everytime you see him & I just can't help but compare anyone who shows interest with him & find that they don't make me feel the same way as he does. But he cannot be mine :frown:

...I'm sure he wouldn't be interested in me in a million years and, besides, I could never live with myself if I caused two people to split up, no matter what the status of their relationship. I'm such a loser, lol.

what's up with this?

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