Open relationships- do they ever really work?!

Neil_K

i haven't had the time to read through all of your posts, because to be honest, I felt a bit ill reading your flawed logic.

You refer to our inherent nature, and how it defines us, but that implies that nurture has no bearing on how we grow, who we grow into.

By inferring the Polygamy is the correct way, not Monogamy, also implies that Women should not have careers, and that anyone who does not want children is wrong.

Polygamy was a trait that evolved due to a pressure to have a wide variety of offspring to improve the chances of passing on genes.

human evolution has slowed to a near stop, as we no longer need to adapt to our environment, we make the environment safe for us. Therefore, the pressure for diverse offspring is not as prominent.

I cannot fathom how you can make the link between a loving relationship with another person, intimacy and all, with friendship. i will use your logic here, having friends is a form of protection it makes us stronger, it is a cohesive unit that has selfish gains. this is not the same as conceiving offspring.

If you haven't read my points, then you cannot comment on them. One can't comment on something they haven't read. Only reply when you have actually read my points thoroughly, or don't comment on them. Simple really.

We cannot 'grow out of' or 'evolve out of' our non-monogamous nature. Again, only society has changed and has constructed the idea of monogamy, but our ACTUAL nature as humans (non-monogamous) has not, and will not change no matter how much society tries to 'pressure' us into being monogamous and no matter how society itself changes.

I never said or implied that 'women should not have careers and anyone who does not want children is wrong'.

I didn't 'imply' anything. Don't put words in my mouth mate.

I never said 'anyone who does not want children is wrong'.

How does non-monogamy mean 'women shouldn't have careers' and 'anyone who does not want children is wrong'????

Explain what you mean here, and please stop putting words into my mouth that I didn't even say....

from who/what? This really isn't true.

The actual truth is MONOGAMY is a trait that evolved from pressure on people to conform....pressure from the church, religion, society, etc to be with just one partner, get married etc. I don't see how polygamy was a trait that people were 'pressured' into.

I cannot fathom why people can have multiple friends, yet they are only supposed to have one lover. That seems extremely bizarre to me. I'd love to find the person who 'invented' this 'rule' and give him/her a good talking to....

the nature you are speaking of is an evolutionary trait, which is common thread throughout my post. i can see you're taking my points at an individual level, rather than as a species.

your talk of polygamy harks back to the hunter gather era, where upon the male of the species would 'spread his seed' to ensure survival of his genes. So you're also implying the nature of humans cannot change. this same era hand women who would take little to no part in the provisions, they would rely on the males. and the reason for the polygamy is to 'spread our seed'. so you're saying we've got an innate desire to sleep around / have several partners, but the other aspects of that nature we don't have any more.

I'm sure you've referenced God and his will in some of your previous posts. so what makes that will different to the pressure of monogamy. Who's to say what's more right? I'm atheist, and i believe in subjective morality.

i explained this. using your own logic RE the innate nature of humans.

I think the title of this thread should be changed to 'Monogamous relationships - do they really work?' or 'Marriage - does it really work?'.

The answer is NO, in both those cases.

As for open relationships, I can say that yes they work far better, since they go with and not against true human nature. See, we humans aren't designed to be monogamous. It's only society that invented to the concept of monogamy to control people....but in our true nature, we are not monogamous beings.

Witness the spectacular failure of monogamy and marriage by looking at life with your eyes wide open....if monogamy and marriage worked, there would be no such thing as break ups, no such thing as cheating, and no such thing as divorce.

So yes....open relationships (i.e. non monogamous relationships) do work. They are the way forward as far as I'm concerned. Society needs to stop buying into this flawed concept of monogamy and instead embrace our REAL nature as human beings.

The idea of being with the same person for life is bull****....not to mention BORING. Who the heck wants to wake up to the same face every morning? I sure as heck don't! Variety is the spice of life, and that includes in dating and relationships!

The best open relationships take the best bits of monogamy (companionship, good sex), without the negative aspects of monogamy (controlling, jealousy, 'ownership' of your partner, arguments, boredom, routine and resentment, loss of freedom).....so when you have an open relationship you can still enjoy your partner just as you would in a monogamous relationship, but also maintain your freedom, dignity and sense of independence that you lose if you enter a monogamous relationship/get married, as well as keep yourself free to date and have sex with anyone else you want without having to feel 'guilty' or worry about 'cheating'.

I can't honestly see why anyone would prefer monogamy over non-monogamy really. If people REALLY stopped to THINK, instead of just going along with society like sheep, they'd see how flawed the concept of monogamy is. They're just 'falsely' locking each other in to something that will one day end anyway, and giving the relationship the 'label' of 'monogamy' so the girl doesn't feel like she's a slut.

The funny thing is, nobody is 'monogamous' with their friends....I mean, you're allowed to have more than one friend without your other friends getting jealous. So equally, you should be able to have as many lovers as you want, without any of your other lovers interfering or getting jealous.

I just can't get my head around monogamy, but each to their own. I'm all for fun, happy enjoyable relationships based on honesty, trust and respect, just as long as they are non-monogamous and not monogamous.

one word: AIDS

and don't say contraception, since it's man-made therefore unnatural

It's fine if you want to live like this, but you can't say that everyone else should live like this.

Not once did I say that EVERYONE should be non-monogamous. I've always said, make your own choices based on what you feel is best for you. If monogamy is your thing, go for it. If non-monogamy suits you better, go for it. The fact is, most people blindly go with monogamy just because it is the 'societal norm', instead of actually stepping back to THINK about whether monogamy is actually in their best interests.

I do wish people on here would stop putting words in my mouth that I didn't actually say....

I don't understand what you're saying here. You're just rambling, bro.

The fact is, we are BY NATURE non-monogamous. Society has advanced, human beings' fundamental desire for non-monogamous sex remains unchanged.

Again....our fundamental non-monogamous nature as humans has not changed in thousands and thousands of years. Society itself has changed, yes, our fundamental nature as humans has not. My talk of non-monogamy relates to the nature of human beings as we are today

Sex is also about enjoyment and not simply procreation.

So you're saying human beings' innate nature is to have only ONE sexual/romantic partner, and as many friends as you wish? I DISAGREE.

I'm sorry that you fail to understand evolution, and it's a fairly complex theory, i understand. you could also say that by nature we are designed to eat small, regular meals, but we don't any more. we are by nature designed to be naked, but we don't do that any more.

Where is your proof that it remains unchanged? just because you can't keep it in your pants, and are insatiable? other things have changed about us as a species, so why not this?

You're arguing like a small child. you are giving me no reason not to believe what i am presenting as an argument.

you are just trying to state things as Facts that are actually opinions.

you can't seem to find any counter arguments, i see.

You've got that logic backwards. it's the same as food or drink. It is required for the continuation of our species, we have evolved to enjoy it, so that we encourage it. it's a survival trait.

so what exactly does your god do for you then?

and h.ow is putting yourself in a situation which inevitably leads to someone remaining unfulfilled, leads to jealousy, all sortsm not hurting anyone else.

what if you meet someone who thinks the world of you, and wants to be with you (i'll avoid the obvious insult here), and you flip the bird and say 'screw it, i want to sleep with who i want, when i want'

ok, disagree. that doesn't change the fact that as a species we do not need to have several sexual partners any more. and that our need for friends is for platonic support.

I am going to assume you see no fallacy in the logic of my other points, so thank you for accepting them

Open relationships aren't real, it's just called seeing someone and others AKA being single.

Ultimately, what I like is PEACEFUL relationships. I don't like stress, drama, negativity, arguments, jealousy and all that....I just want it to be a positive and happy experience for both myself and the girl, and that includes both IN the bedroom as well as OUTSIDE the bedroom.

At first I wasn't sure I agreed with what you were saying... but I think my opinion is similar.

Not that I would never be in a monogamous relationship or that I don't agree they can ever work (but I don't think you're saying that either) ... just that it can sometimes be harmful to view that as the only right and good option.

It's all about being honest with yourself and your partner. I don't know that I'd personally go into the 'nature' of humans since I think to a large extent, as a species we've moved a little bit past that and are subject much more to individual differences. We are (or should be) able to analyse for ourselves what we want and need out of our lives, without having to rely on our 'nature' or our society to tell us what we should want.

As an ideal I somewhat think it would be nice to find a person who I really didn't feel I wanted to 'share' ... who was able to keep me completely and utterly with them with no thoughts of wanting to be with another person. I'm a faithful/honest person and could not, I don't think, ever cheat on a partner - but to me it would be a different thing if everyone involved was aware of the situation and was happy with it.

Part of the issue as I see it is the tendency to try and be honest, but basically fail because you end up saying something the other person wants to hear.

I get the impression that a lot of 'open relationships' aren't really 'open'; more like one person wants to have multiple partners and the other doesn't really, but agrees to keep them happy. But it depends entirely on the people involved and if they can really say they are aware of what they want to do.

but rather the QUALITY of the relationships itself that matters.

Lmao, open relationships are a joke. Just call it being single because it's literally the same thing.

Well, being single can definitely "work". I'm much less sure about open relationships, at least into the medium term. I've known a couple of people in open marriages and they've always fallen apart.

I personally think an open relationship is just some sort of label for something that isn't really there but is used to make both parties feel better. Open means that there's no commitment, relationship means that there is ... oxymoron much?