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Difficult break up

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. From 2009, I was involved with a man who by all accounts is absolutely perfect for me (or so I thought). We became best friends as well as partners and it was wonderful, I genuinely didn't think I could be happier. Then things started to deteriorate (I have a few things going on which meant I couldn't put 100% effort into the relationship) and we broke up.

This part was fine, as we were both still really good friends and decided to go on as before. I didn't expect to find anyone else, but then, sods law I did. This other person put everything into perspective- whereas I thought I was in love before, it paled in comparison to how I felt towards the new person.

However- these two people, although not close friends in the least, were part of the same friend group at work (so, hung around together in a group but not by themselves). In a bid to avoid upsetting the first man, we decided to keep the relationship a secret for the first few weeks and then tell him later when we were sure it was what we wanted (which we did).

Everything was fine until a friend of ours decided it would be better that the original man new the whole truth (even though he wasn't ready for it) and now he refuses to interact with me, his old social group, has stopped any interest in outside activities and rarely shows up for work. He's completely miserable (as I am as well).

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to how to make sure he's okay/perhaps regain contact? I've tried texting him but to my knowledge he's blanking them.

(Short version) Went out with my best friend, it turned out not to be as good as I thought it would be, met someone else from the same social group and now my best friend is becoming a recluse and refusing to talk to me, what can I do to help him?

Reply 1

MovingOn

I think it's best if you go and speak to him in person, it must have been pretty hard on him to hear from someone else that you were seeing someone new.

Reply 2

Coldplaydoh

Im confused, why did you tell one friend but not him before? Idve said to him before another party because I think that its better that it comes from you than from another party. ANYWAY, something to bear in mind I guess, but your question was about resolving the NOW....

I think you have to go and speak to him in person and just check on how he is, see if he has questions or whatever. The longer you leave it, the more detached you may become and the more strain there will be on you, as well as him. Oh, I hope you sort it out, thats a nasty situation for both of you :frown:

Reply 3

Macpro

Perhaps he was still not over you and the fact that the new person comes from the same friendship group is like a real kick-in-the-balls.. Also, your former best friend is even more hurt that he had to hear it from someone else..

Reply 4

Anniee1

Oh well better go and see him in person... He probably needs a bit of comforting... :smile:

He's hurt the fact you remained friends and you didn't tell him. Go over now with a box of chocolates and apologise! Never hurt a good friend :smile:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the help. We're both supposed to attend a party tonight (probably not the best place to resolve this) so I'm attempting to find out if he's going so I can politely decline and hope he has a good time.

In terms of telling him before we told someone else, in hindsight that's what we should have done, it was just difficult keeping it from absolutely everyone.

Anyway, thanks again.