Going to clubs/pubs/bars is depressing Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
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I'm just wondering whether any other way overdue megavirgins like me (final year of uni, 22 years old, never kissed a girl and etc) find going to clubs/pubs/bars or basically social places with lots of people, girls all dolled up and music too loud for conversations somewhat depressing? I certainly do. And it isn't just the depressiveness, I also find myself very uncomfortable in such situations and I envy the guys who are so at home there and dance with all the pretty girls.

What compounds it is the fact that I can't dance, at all. It just so hard for me to dance with a girl (I can waltz just fine, its the less formal dancing that troubles me), I tried but it just came out so forced and bad.
As I'm going on a night out next week (to a club), I'm just wondering whether anyone has any tips on what I could do to make myself feel more comfortable/at ease? (I know tons of people are going to suggest alcohol and I guess thats an option I haven't tried as I'm not really a drinker)

As an add on question, what exactly "should" a guy wear to a nightclub? I don't have any nice looking shirts or other fancy clothes but I'm very dedicated to pumping iron so I was thinking of playing to my strengths and perhaps going for a tight (but not douche-like) T-shirt. Is this a good idea?
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OceanInTheSky
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Don't go to them then, no point making yourself feel depressed unnecessarily.
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Cheshire_Cat
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm just wondering whether any other way overdue megavirgins like me (final year of uni, 22 years old, never kissed a girl and etc) find going to clubs/pubs/bars or basically social places with lots of people, girls all dolled up and music too loud for conversations somewhat depressing? I certainly do. And it isn't just the depressiveness, I also find myself very uncomfortable in such situations and I envy the guys who are so at home there and dance with all the pretty girls.

What compounds it is the fact that I can't dance, at all. It just so hard for me to dance with a girl (I can waltz just fine, its the less formal dancing that troubles me), I tried but it just came out so forced and bad.
As I'm going on a night out next week (to a club), I'm just wondering whether anyone has any tips on what I could do to make myself feel more comfortable/at ease? (I know tons of people are going to suggest alcohol and I guess thats an option I haven't tried as I'm not really a drinker)

As an add on question, what exactly "should" a guy wear to a nightclub? I don't have any nice looking shirts or other fancy clothes but I'm very dedicated to pumping iron so I was thinking of playing to my strengths and perhaps going for a tight (but not douche-like) T-shirt. Is this a good idea?
Practice dancing in front of a mirror in the safety of your own bedroom
As for the t-shirt, if you look good in it then go for it!
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Tomby1
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If clubbing isn't for you, than that's just the way it is.
Pubs, however, are much better as it's much more relaxing and people tend to mingle quite a lot, especially in student pubs. You sound like the kind of person that wants to meet a girl, talk to her and create a relationship through a connection of personality, so perhaps you're just trying too hard to feel like you fit in at a club when you don't even really want to be there.
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bognor-regis
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You are a lost cause. Total no hoper. Just buy a wife from south east asia.
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OceanInTheSky
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(Original post by pippa90)
Practice dancing in front of a mirror in the safety of your own bedroom
Doesn't help someone improve dancing really. I've been doing that for years, still terrible.
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Drumzilla
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mate i can't dance for **** either, but i still give it a go just don't give a **** what others think and have a good time and in my experience people will join in and laugh with you, as opposed to trying to look to serious and they'll just laugh at you

also if you have the muscles show 'em off, chicks dig it

oh and get ****ered it's much more fun
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Cheshire_Cat
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(Original post by OceanInTheSky)
Doesn't help someone improve dancing really. I've been doing that for years, still terrible.
Well I don't mean just dancing in front of a mirror, I mean look at how it should be done first then practice in front of a mirror. Maybe take a dance class?
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jjarvis
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(Original post by Tomby1)
If clubbing isn't for you, than that's just the way it is.
Pubs, however, are much better as it's much more relaxing and people tend to mingle quite a lot, especially in student pubs. You sound like the kind of person that wants to meet a girl, talk to her and create a relationship through a connection of personality, so perhaps you're just trying too hard to feel like you fit in at a club when you don't even really want to be there.
This is pretty much true. I think trying to meet women in clubs is going to be unsuccessful for a lot of people. You're better off just asking people from your course, or friends of friends, for a drink or dinner. Conversation is a much better way to get to know someone. Clubs aren't really a good way to meet women and build a rapport.
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-Invidious-
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(Original post by Drumzilla)
mate i can't dance for **** either, but i still give it a go just don't give a **** what others think and have a good time and in my experience people will join in and laugh with you, as opposed to trying to look to serious and they'll just laugh at you

also if you have the muscles show 'em off, chicks dig it

oh and get ****ered it's much more fun
If you get ****ed your game goes out the window though and it seems like this guy needs some sort of female attention sooner rather than later. Even if it is just harmless snogging in a club (well nearly harmless).
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Drumzilla
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(Original post by -Invidious-)
If you get ****ed your game goes out the window though and it seems like this guy needs some sort of female attention sooner rather than later.
ah well if it's female attention he's after then agreed he should not get fall on his face drunk

but he does not seem the type to approach women without a hefty amount of dutch courage.
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KingstonKatie
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A guy needs to wear a shirt and nice shoes. Always. Yes, I am superficial. :-)
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noobynoo
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go to retro/jazz/pop venues then you can dance ironically with the girls by doing a waltz. works a charm. (from experience)
IMO hard house, techno and all that BS doesn't float my boat either. Too loud. Can't dance to it.
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nordam
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(Original post by Anonymous)

What compounds it is the fact that I can't dance, at all. It just so hard for me to dance with a girl (I can waltz just fine, its the less formal dancing that troubles me), I tried but it just came out so forced and bad.
Try this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrctMvIWpG0

Sorted.
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Blueflare
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Clubs are an awful place to meet girls, seriously. A pub is a much better environment as you can have a conversation and there is no dancing!
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sil3nt_cha0s
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LOL @ people suggesting pubs are a good place to meet girls :rofl:
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noobynoo
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(Original post by sil3nt_cha0s)
LOL @ people suggesting pubs are a good place to meet girls :rofl:
depends what kind of pub. old man pub. no. indie goth emo rock pub. yes. sports bar with pool tables. maybe. wine bar. yes for older people. wetherspoons. prob not but they do nice tachos.
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ch0llima
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It's not necessarily true that you can't meet people in clubs. What often happens is that you meet somebody while a bit tipsy and you might hit it off (possibly pull, but this is optional). The last of my numerous and ultimately pointless flings (no proper girlfriend, sadly) began in the nightclub portion of our SU. Prior to that, I met a girl who lived in my halls at a social event after proceedings had moved to, again, a club (never seen her before, the hall had a population of about 400) and we really hit it off as well. I still regret not trying to take that further, so don't end up loaded with regrets and "What if?" like I am as it's made me old beyond my years.

If you've swapped numbers, you've got nothing to lose in trying to catch up with them and meeting up in a more relaxed and quieter/more personal setting I think I prefer that sort of environment (as well as house parties etc.) due to the fact that I lack confidence and self-esteem and the drink is flowing which makes things an incalculable amount easier.

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I read a post here on TSR once where somebody said his parents met randomly one night, had a ONS but eventually ended up getting married and are still together to this day Don't rule anything out.
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks for all the advice so far but I think I my question wasn't interpreted as I meant it to be.

My goal isn't necessarily to meet a girl in a pub/club (considering I'm not too into such places, I doubt I'd be a good fit with a girl who frequented them a lot) though in the long run that is the general goal. Its the fact that I don't know how to have fun in a club/pub because I just don't know how to dance (considering the loudness of the music in such places, there really isn't much choice of other things to do). I'd just like to learn how to not be totally depressed and bored in such places, I'm not in there to find the girl of my dreams or pull (though it could happen, I'm not going to be counting on it).

Oh and how important is it for a girl that a guy can dance even just a little bit? If a guy and girl were to meet up outside of a dance-related environment then sooner or later they'd probably go somewhere where they'd dance and I'm just wondering if the girl would be disappointed by her mate not being able to dance at all.
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