Girlfriend & Break - Story included :O Watch

Zethran
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Hey everyone,

Thanks in advance for anyone whose willing to help out. Just asking for some advice on how to proceed.

Basically, I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 months now - GF is 18 and I'm 20, we're both at uni, and we recently spent an evening together a couple of days ago. The reason I mention this was because that night was literally the best night together we've had for ages, she was smiling all night and enjoying herself so much - as was I. Everything, from the food to the chat to the sex, it was 100% the ideal date, we both enjoyed ourselves so much. She told me how much of a great BF I am and how I'm such a massive part of her life and how she loves me so much; she even wants to meet my parents on my birthday (which is soon, next week); she kept telling me how much she loved me, and that she could see us being together for so long, etc. She also telled me that every time we meet, she seems to love me more and more.

Today however, we were both going to a "drinks event" type thing, she was with her friends and I mine. We went home together, and talked a little, but she was acting wierd the entire night.

When I got home, she told me why by text - she's developed feelings for this guy friend of hers, who used to really be into her. He's like her mentor, and has really helped her out to get into the career field she wants to be in (finance), helping her practice interviews etc etc. I'm pretty sure though that this guy isn't too interested anymore. I'm on friendly terms with this guy, he's genuinely a good person.

She's suggested a break in our relationship so she can find where her heart truely lies, as she said she doesn't want regrets if it turns out that this guy is "the one" for her. I've recently done a co uple of minor things that have pissed her off, but nothing major - for example, I stayed at hers for longer than she'd have liked and didn't leave when she wanted me to, since she is quite busy with work (as am I) and we both have to ration our time.

I've highlighted the issues and maybe some bad poitns about her so its only fair to say - when our relationship is at a high it is one of the best feelings ever, we both enjoy and love each other so much.

I truely do not want to break up with this girl, or even let her take a break, yet I'm torn since I feel like I should let her go and find her heart's place if I truely do love her, and I do.

I feel like total crap right now, and furthermore I don't understand how it's turned around from a 100% perfect relationship to this mess and a "break" within literally 1.5 days.

I don't know what i should do. Try and keep her? And how?

Let her take a break? That would break my heart.
Break up with her? That would break my heart even more, if thats possible.

I'm so lost. If anyone has any advice, please do say so.

Thanks:cry:


Also for those interested this is a follow up to this thread, after which we repaired and had an increasingly great relationship for a couple of weeks http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1533240
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mandingo666
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Oh so basically she wants to go out with him and have you as back up in case things don't work out?

**** that for a laugh

You are right not to let her have a break.

This could be a crush which you can work through but if she still insists on a break then leave it will be better for you in the long run.
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Drumzilla
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tell her to **** right off mate, she wants to **** this dude with no repercussions and then come back to you when she's had her fill

breaks never end well.
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MovingOn
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One key point: you should never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in one with you. Too much heartbreak, let her go and 'find herself', if she comes back then great, but staying in the relationship at this time is only going to cause resentment and hurt.
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najoo
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I'm setting myself up for very negative replies but I'm sure you'd like to hear all types of opinions not just one so here goes...

Give her space. I don't know but from the little you've told us, you sound a bit clingy? This girl seems to break off with you at every chance she gets when she meets a different guy so that does say soemthing about the both of you. She probably doesn't appreciate you anyways. I also think you have no right to not "let" her have a break, you can't force her to have a relationship with you. You also don't own her so she should decide whether she wants a break from you or not and you should decide whether you want to accept a break or not. If she decides she does want a break and you don't, well then, you'll just have to deal with it.

All in all, I'd say a break sounds like a good idea but don't just hang around for her. If anything you should do some more exploring and finding out whether this girl is actually worth your time or not.
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Elaborate Sheep
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Tell her she can't do this to you. That she has to choose, because if she goes off looking for this guy and he rejects her, she's going to come back to you. But then all that you'll be able to think about ever whenever you look at her is "here's this girl that left me because she thought she could get with a better bloke, but now she's with me but i was the back up plan".

It's not worth it man, she can't be that selfish. My advice to you is to forget about her, if she can be that uncaring, if you do get back with her, she's just likely to break your heart again at some point in the future.

You could tell her this, that would probably be your best option. Go up to her and say, "you can't do this to me, i care about you and what your doing is selfish, you cant expect to try your luck with another guy and if that doesn't work come back to me as your back up plan. So choose."

Anyway good luck
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trooper6
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(Original post by MovingOn)
One key point: you should never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in one with you. Too much heartbreak, let her go and 'find herself', if she comes back then great, but staying in the relationship at this time is only going to cause resentment and hurt.
Very well said MovingOn.
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Zethran
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Interesting replies so far. She's not answering my calls now I really have no idea how to proceed
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alibee
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(Original post by Zethran)
Interesting replies so far. She's not answering my calls now I really have no idea how to proceed
Stop calling? Sorry if this is harsh but you need to back off and I'm sure she'll call you when she wants to speak to you.
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Huskaris
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Haha loving that girl who came in and said "give her space" and all that ****.
If a guy said all that she said to you to a girl. I guarantee you all the girls on TSR would be like
"Omg what a ****" "Omg what a douche" "Omg thats just like what happened to me" or "Omg I'm really cool and would just have a threesome. Sex! Hehehehehe"

She's playing you like a fiddle son.
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JamesBlood
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Cut her loose my friend. If she chooses you this time, then who's to say she won't do the same thing in 6 month's time?
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syweyn
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I read this post and the thread before and to be honest i agree with the majority here.

This is an awful situation but I think this girl isnt that into you and keeps you on a proverbial hook Meaning gives you enough attention to keep you interested but doesnt seem to want anything more and the fact she keeps longing to be with other guys first ex and now this finance guy means I really do think one day she will turn round and say its over...

This really isnt worth your time and you have 2 options both of them hard.
1 You gotta say its me or the highway and let her go or stay and do take any crap like this again if she suddenly likes someone else.
2. Accept the situation but emotionally disconnect yourself from her... Ignore her untill she calls then have another wonderful date like you had before but when its over start keeping your options open maybe spend time with the girl who asked you out not kiss or sleep with her but see how you too get on.

The benefits of 2 are that you can lose this harmful relationship and get something else possibly whilst also making the most of the time you have wiith the girl who potentially isnt that bohered about you. Its hard to emotianally disconnect tho but bottem line is you sound like a good guy and this girl isnt treating you right so she's gotta go
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Zethran
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I've thought about number 2 but honestly, I just want a stable relationship with a nice girl. Its not that I'm not adventurous or whatever, its just I want to share adventures with a person I love, not randomers.
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DaneCook
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You sound clingy pal. She clearly doesn't want to be with you and even if she does, you're on the subs bench.

Do yourself a favour and save future heartbreak by breaking up with her now. I know you're in denial right now, but it's the only way to go.
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reisen
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say you're not willing to wait, she'll want you so much more if she feels she can't have you.
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mr-breaker
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(Original post by Zethran)
I've thought about number 2 but honestly, I just want a stable relationship with a nice girl. Its not that I'm not adventurous or whatever, its just I want to share adventures with a person I love, not randomers.
"In order to live you must be willing to die"

The fact that you are experiencing so much emotional pain is as a result of ignoring this axiom.

You can either cut it off now and endure a little pain or drag it out until SHE cuts you off at a time of her choosing, which I guarantee is gonna turn you into a whining emo ***** for months (years?) to come, if you haven't reached that point already.

Like Black Sheep said years and years ago.............The Choice Is Yours.

:indiff:
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Zethran
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I guess...part of me wants to cut it off right now, but the other part just wants to keep her - I feel she's worth it even after all the **** she's given me, whats wrong with me? ((
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Bonfire
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I know this is painful, but here's the thing. When you enter a relationship, if you want to be treated with respect, you need to set standards. Problem here is you haven't set any, letting her treat you however the hell she wants - and here's the clincher - you are letting her. A backbone and standards. Get them if you want to be treated properly.
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staring.space
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I agree with most people on here - she definitely sounds like she wants you as a "back up plan". Now, I do think breaks are a good thing in a relationship - hell, it's done a lot of good for me and mine. But this just seems ridiculous. Nice that she was honest, but I'd break it off because she's obviously treating you like second best and well, I'm sure you deserve a lot better than that, no matter how much you like this girl.
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mr-breaker
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(Original post by Zethran)
I guess...part of me wants to cut it off right now, but the other part just wants to keep her - I feel she's worth it even after all the **** she's given me, whats wrong with me? ((
first girlfriend, right?

:indiff:
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