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Falling for someone you shouldn't...
Right... basically I went out on Friday with a few uni mates and they brought along this other guy who I'd seen a couple of times and found rather 'interesting' 
. I suppose the flirting started when he misheard something I said to him and asked 'did you just say that you want me?' and I replied 'No... but I would if I was single' (subtlety ain't my strong point 
). This led on to a lot of eye contact throughout the night, till eventually we ended up cuddling each other in the chill-out zone, having a 'deep and meaningful'. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he replied 'Yes... unfortunately'.
We went back to someone's house and there we ended up together again, I swear we couldn't keep our hands off each other - lots of stroking, kissing (no tongues, though
) and talking... we get on really well and he made me feel really special. When we eventually got home we had a really awkward moment where we said bye to each other and then ended up hugging each other and kissing on the lips... there was a lot of sexual tension!!
The next day we all went to his mate's house for a party, we talked and I asked him about his girlfriend - he told me they've been together for 2 years but before he came to uni she said she didn't love him and wanted to break up with him. She then rang him up a couple of weeks ago and said she wanted to get back with him. I asked him if he'd go with me if he was single and he said 'damn right I would'...
Still, that night we were really touchy-feely, even in front of his friend who knows he has a girlfriend
, and we all ended up watching a film together and he put his arm around me and held me really tightly.
Me and my boyfriend have been on the verge of breaking up for ages now, he has treated me pretty disrespectfully and now it has to stop. The problem is I can feel myself falling for this guy and I'm scared that I'm gonna get hurt. If he loves his girlfriend, why is he being like this with me? He definitely isn’t the kind of guy who would cheat a lot, I’m not either but it’s clearly time for me to end my relationship. I just think it’s strange for him to be saying one thing, but doing another. I’ve been thinking about him so much the past couple of days, he makes me feel really happy and I’d love to start a relationship with him in the future.
Does anyone have any advice or opinion on the situation?? If so, I'd be really grateful
And please, please, please don't hurl abuse at me - I'm not a horrible person, I swear!
. I suppose the flirting started when he misheard something I said to him and asked 'did you just say that you want me?' and I replied 'No... but I would if I was single' (subtlety ain't my strong point ). This led on to a lot of eye contact throughout the night, till eventually we ended up cuddling each other in the chill-out zone, having a 'deep and meaningful'. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he replied 'Yes... unfortunately'. We went back to someone's house and there we ended up together again, I swear we couldn't keep our hands off each other - lots of stroking, kissing (no tongues, though
) and talking... we get on really well and he made me feel really special. When we eventually got home we had a really awkward moment where we said bye to each other and then ended up hugging each other and kissing on the lips... there was a lot of sexual tension!! The next day we all went to his mate's house for a party, we talked and I asked him about his girlfriend - he told me they've been together for 2 years but before he came to uni she said she didn't love him and wanted to break up with him. She then rang him up a couple of weeks ago and said she wanted to get back with him. I asked him if he'd go with me if he was single and he said 'damn right I would'...
Still, that night we were really touchy-feely, even in front of his friend who knows he has a girlfriend
, and we all ended up watching a film together and he put his arm around me and held me really tightly. Me and my boyfriend have been on the verge of breaking up for ages now, he has treated me pretty disrespectfully and now it has to stop. The problem is I can feel myself falling for this guy and I'm scared that I'm gonna get hurt. If he loves his girlfriend, why is he being like this with me? He definitely isn’t the kind of guy who would cheat a lot, I’m not either but it’s clearly time for me to end my relationship. I just think it’s strange for him to be saying one thing, but doing another. I’ve been thinking about him so much the past couple of days, he makes me feel really happy and I’d love to start a relationship with him in the future.
Does anyone have any advice or opinion on the situation?? If so, I'd be really grateful
And please, please, please don't hurl abuse at me - I'm not a horrible person, I swear!
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Anonymous_Girl
If he loves his girlfriend, why is he being like this with me? He definitely isn’t the kind of guy who would cheat a lot....
Right... that statement was a contradiction in itself. You see him cheating on his girlfriend of 2 years openly, and you expect that he won't cheat on you? Well, in real life....
Anonymous_Girl
Does anyone have any advice or opinion on the situation??
Does anyone have any advice or opinion on the situation??
I think you know the answer to your own question. Then again, if two people are willing to cheat on their partners... maybe they do belong together.
psycho(logist)
Right... that statement was a contradiction in itself. You see him cheating on his girlfriend of 2 years openly, and you expect that he won't cheat on you? Well, in real life....
I think you know the answer to your own question. Then again, if two people are willing to cheat on their partners... maybe they do belong together.
I think you know the answer to your own question. Then again, if two people are willing to cheat on their partners... maybe they do belong together.
Hmmm, okay fair enough. I think it's never quite as simple as 'cheating on your partners' - I've had a really rough time the past couple of weeks and my boyfriend has been inconsiderate to say the least. It's not that I'm an indecent person, it's just been hard for me to get the strength to break up with him. As for the other guy, yes it confuses me that he's being like this. I don't know if he is just a prick (he definitely doesn't seem a prick, he seems like one of the most open & honest people I have met) or if his girlfriend has just messed his head up. If it's the latter that I can relate to how he's feeling. I'm a very faithful person, and to be honest my boyfriend has hurt me more through the things he has said than he would if he had cheated. Cheating isn't always that black and white, the cheater is not necessarily a 'bad' person- it's almost always a result of something else.
Anonymous_Girl
I think it's never quite as simple as 'cheating on your partners'
Yes it is, there maybe mitigating circumstances, but you are still a cheat.
Cheating isn't always that black and white, the cheater is not necessarily a 'bad' person- it's almost always a result of something else.
True, to an extent. If you are unhappy, then break the relationship off, don't degrade yourself by deceiving people.
Anonymous_Girl
We went back to someone's house and there we ended up together again, I swear we couldn't keep our hands off each other - lots of stroking, kissing (no tongues, though )
We went back to someone's house and there we ended up together again, I swear we couldn't keep our hands off each other - lots of stroking, kissing (no tongues, though
) Oh, and please we are grown-ups here! I don't thing "no tongues" is going to somehow make it alright.
psycho(logist)
Right... that statement was a contradiction in itself. You see him cheating on his girlfriend of 2 years openly, and you expect that he won't cheat on you? Well, in real life....
I think you know the answer to your own question. Then again, if two people are willing to cheat on their partners... maybe they do belong together.
I think you know the answer to your own question. Then again, if two people are willing to cheat on their partners... maybe they do belong together.
Very good post.
ChemistBoy
Yes it is, there maybe mitigating circumstances, but you are still a cheat.
True, to an extent. If you are unhappy, then break the relationship off, don't degrade yourself by deceiving people.
True, to an extent. If you are unhappy, then break the relationship off, don't degrade yourself by deceiving people.
What is a 'cheat' anyway? Before I came to university he told me he loved me but he wasn't 'in love' with me, thhat he was fed up of me, etc. I had to stay with him though because he was living with me and my dad and working for dad before coming back here when I went to uni. I see that as a hell of a lot worse than cheating to be honest...
I din't post here to be judged, i just wanted some advice on how to deal with the situation. I find it hard to believe that people can be so idealistic about these things. Relationships are complicated.
Anonymous_Girl
Cheating isn't always that black and white, the cheater is not necessarily a 'bad' person- it's almost always a result of something else.
Well yes, like for another & boredom are probably the two most popular reasons.
--------------
Anonymous_Girl
What is a 'cheat' anyway? Before I came to university he told me he loved me but he wasn't 'in love' with me, thhat he was fed up of me, etc. I had to stay with him though because he was living with me and my dad and working for dad before coming back here when I went to uni. I see that as a hell of a lot worse than cheating to be honest...
I din't post here to be judged, i just wanted some advice on how to deal with the situation. I find it hard to believe that people can be so idealistic about these things. Relationships are complicated.
I din't post here to be judged, i just wanted some advice on how to deal with the situation. I find it hard to believe that people can be so idealistic about these things. Relationships are complicated.
I am in a similar situation with you, except parts of it are reversed. It's hard work. People telling others to merely cut off a relationship despite unhappiness aren't being realistic. It's not easy.
SlyPie
Well yes, like for another & boredom are probably the two most popular reasons.
How about your boyfriend being an ignorant pig attempted to make you loose your self esteem and couldn't even be bothered to drive for 15 minutes to see his girlfriend when her sister died??
Anonymous_Girl
What is a 'cheat' anyway? Before I came to university he told me he loved me but he wasn't 'in love' with me, thhat he was fed up of me, etc. I had to stay with him though because he was living with me and my dad and working for dad before coming back here when I went to uni. I see that as a hell of a lot worse than cheating to be honest...
I din't post here to be judged, i just wanted some advice on how to deal with the situation. I find it hard to believe that people can be so idealistic about these things. Relationships are complicated.
I din't post here to be judged, i just wanted some advice on how to deal with the situation. I find it hard to believe that people can be so idealistic about these things. Relationships are complicated.
I have given you advice. To be honest I couldn't care less what excuses you have for your behaviour, you know what the right thing to do is, and it may be very hard and painful, but it is still the right thing to do.
I see no problem with having ideals and applying them to relationships, I live my life how I want to and that means being honest with people who are close to me.
Anonymous_Girl
How about your boyfriend being an ignorant pig attempted to make you loose your self esteem and couldn't even be bothered to drive for 15 minutes to see his girlfriend when her sister died??
Dump the bastard.
I'm one of those girls that would only date guys if they put more into the relationship than me. Wow. DUMP THE GUY!
SlyPie
I'm one of those girls that would only date guys if they put more into the relationship than me.
I'm one of those girls that would only date guys if they put more into the relationship than me.
Lets hope you get dumped soon then.
SlyPie
Dump the bastard.
I'm one of those girls that would only date guys if they put more into the relationship than me. Wow. DUMP THE GUY!
I'm one of those girls that would only date guys if they put more into the relationship than me. Wow. DUMP THE GUY!
That's what I should have done a long time ago - but low self-esteem is a tricky thing to get passed. I didn't think I deserved better than him, it's only since I've been at uni and met other people I've begun to realise that how he treated me was way out of order... I feel ashamed and angry at myself for letting him make me feel like this... and when I met this other guy I was like, he could really make me happy - but he has a girlfriend, but from what he said, it seems he is in a similar situation to me.
ChemistBoy
Lets hope you get dumped soon then.
Hmmm
No, I think I'm actually doing the dumping soon or it's going to be a mutual "dumping."
Sorry to disappoint you.
--------------
Anonymous_Girl
That's what I should have done a long time ago - but low self-esteem is a tricky thing to get passed. I didn't think I deserved better than him, it's only since I've been at uni and met other people I've begun to realise that how he treated me was way out of order... I feel ashamed and angry at myself for letting him make me feel like this... and when I met this other guy I was like, he could really make me happy - but he has a girlfriend, but from what he said, it seems he is in a similar situation to me.
Look, from personal experience, you both probably are not happy in your current relationships. But dumping takes a lot of work especially if you're great friends at least, or used to love each other, or still do, etc.
I wouldn't rush doing anything now, but talk to your boyfriend about his treatment of you, and then continue being friends with this guy. Then, later on, decide what to do.
SlyPie
Hmmm
No, I think I'm actually doing the dumping soon or it's going to be a mutual "dumping."
Sorry to disappoint you.
No, I think I'm actually doing the dumping soon or it's going to be a mutual "dumping."
Sorry to disappoint you.
Shame, I was hoping you'd learn that you only get out what you put in. Why should a guy put more effort into a relationship than you do? Unless you believe that by being in a relationship with them is doing them a favour - not a good start really.
ChemistBoy
Shame, I was hoping you'd learn that you only get out what you put in. Why should a guy put more effort into a relationship than you do? Unless you believe that by being in a relationship with them is doing them a favour - not a good start really.
To be honest, because my mother put in shitloads in her marriage and my father mentally abused her and took her for granted while walking all over her and she wasted 16 years of her life on that marriage. Not to mention she held a full-time job, worked in his company, and raised me all by herself. Not only this, he took half of her retirement fund at their divorce.
Er okay, uh did you want another explanation? hehe
There are no excuses for inappropriate behavior. Just because someone did it to u, doesnt mean u have to do it to another person!
For the girl that is cheating, What Goes Around Comes Around! you should have ended it with ur bf before things got outta hand. Pls dont try to make silly excuses to justify what u did, u CHEATED end of story!!
For the girl that is cheating, What Goes Around Comes Around! you should have ended it with ur bf before things got outta hand. Pls dont try to make silly excuses to justify what u did, u CHEATED end of story!!
I wouldn't trust him, if he'd cheat on his current girlfriend, he could quite easily to the same with you if you were together.
Yeah, you may like eachother's physical company, but you hardly even know him. Perhaps he's done this to many girls over the 2 years, or maybe it's the first time, who knows.
Personally, i'd break up with my current other-half, and see how it goes. Get to know him.
Yeah, you may like eachother's physical company, but you hardly even know him. Perhaps he's done this to many girls over the 2 years, or maybe it's the first time, who knows.
Personally, i'd break up with my current other-half, and see how it goes. Get to know him.
You answered your own question, yes you are falling for someone you shouldn’t, therefore tell the guy to stop ****ing with your emotions as he has a girlfriend, and then stop flirting with him, hugging and kissing him, and find someone who hasn’t got a girlfriend. plus if u r so unhappy with your boyfriend its simple break up with the guy.
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