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Friends first then more......? watch

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    What do you guys think about asking out people you consider friends? Is it ever a good idea. I tend to find that i can't really find someone attractive until i get to know them well, but then that always puts me in a dilemma. I have asked out really good friends twice now and both times it has ended in disaster. So, is it ever a good idea???
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    (Original post by Itchynscratchy)
    What do you guys think about asking out people you consider friends? Is it ever a good idea. I tend to find that i can't really find someone attractive until i get to know them well, but then that always puts me in a dilemma. I have asked out really good friends twice now and both times it has ended in disaster. So, is it ever a good idea???
    No its never a good idea its not worth risking your friendship unless this person had qualities for a relationship that are 1 in a million, even then its a big risk.
    If its been disastrous twice i would leave it dont listen to any of the romantic everything is perfect storys you get here iver
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    YES!! Me and my best friend got together and we are still together 18 months in and it is absolutely amazing, the best relationship I've ever had. We get on so well and interact as friends as well as "lovers", we have so much trust and loyalty etc etc, we make each other laugh. It was a bit weird at first but never awkward because we were so comfortable with each other anyway. It was only weird because it was like "I'm actually allowed to kiss you now? How cool ".
    So I would say: definitely definitely definitely.
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    I think it depends a lot. Relationships should be based on more than just having sex, but maybe going out with someone who has been a friend for a long time is a bit risky - I've done it twice, with one of them I'm still friends, but the other I would quite gladly never talk to again in my life; but then, that's me and my personal situation. You should probably just do whatever feels right...
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    (Original post by gringalet)
    I think it depends a lot. Relationships should be based on more than just having sex, but maybe going out with someone who has been a friend for a long time is a bit risky - I've done it twice, with one of them I'm still friends, but the other I would quite gladly never talk to again in my life; but then, that's me and my personal situation. You should probably just do whatever feels right...
    Problem is what feels right keeps landing me in trouble
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    (Original post by Itchynscratchy)
    Problem is what feels right keeps landing me in trouble
    Dont do it then
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    (Original post by MNBStyle)
    Dont do it then
    I know, i am an idiot. But i can't help being optimistic :rolleyes:
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    "I just like you as a friend"

    Those are the words you'll hear - not worth going there unless you think the friendship will be able to last. Refer to the Ladder theory
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    If you really fancy that girl, or good female mate, to be exactly, just go for it! but first you should work out where comes the 'love' feeling, it's her appearance or personality?
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    I went out with someone I'd been friends with for about two years. Because we already knew each other so well, it all happened very quickly. We were at the "I love you" stage (and meaning it) within about a week of getting together. We then split up after an eighteen month relationship and after the initial healing period, we were able to become great friends again. We split up last August, and since then have been talking maybe two or three times a week. Now I'm thinking I want to give it another go though

    Based on my experience, I'd say go for it, but be prepared for it not to work. It depends entirely upon the individuals involved and the circumstances in which they find themselves. No one can tell you whether or not it's a good idea for you.
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    Some people on here are so afraid of risk

    I think there's a lot more potential for a lasting and secure relationship when it develops from a friendship, as you are going out for genuine reasons rather than just feeling a bit of lust and attraction for someone and trying it on.

    The hardest bit I find is telling the other person that you like them as something more.
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    It is currently happening to me now, were good friends, i really trust him etc. And ive liked him for more than 2 years now and recently i told him i liked him and he said he liked someone else.. bummer.
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    I think the real problem is when (ok ok...if..) you break up, it could ruin your friendship completely. It's happened to me, and I'd rather have just not had the hassle and it's never really been the same since.

    But then again maybe you can take it one step at a time, if a first date or whatever doesn't go too well then probably best not to take it further.
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    If it doesn't work out it probably ends horribly, but it's definitely worth it. If you're such good friends then why wouldn't it work out as lovers too? It could happen, you don't know unless you've tried. It's working for me.
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    There's definitely a gamble to be had; if they don't feel the same, it will make you feel bad, possibly jealous, and depending on your relationship (shouldn't if you are as close as you say) could make you awkward with each other. Then, like has been said, if it does work, there's the risk of breaking up, which will depend on the people and circumstances, but could ruin the relationship completely, or at least make it not as great as before, I'd say that unavoidable.
    It's a risk, but can definitely be worth it if it pays off. I'd definitely try and find out how they feel before you say anything specific though. That can be difficult if you already know each other well, it's not as simple as telling if someone you've just met likes you. If you have the kind of relationship that wouldn't get awkward with something like that in the air, the whole waiting thing is less important but the telling is definitely the hardest part.

    I don't agree with you Hugatree though I'm afraid; "If you're such good friends then why wouldn't it work out as lovers too?". Think of your best female friend, would that work out as lovers? Or a brother? There are very different types of relationship between people, and the male/female best friend relationship is often much tighter than a physical attraction and affection that is important for a dating relationship. IMHO at least!
    (Unless you were being encouraging and optimistic, in which case, I'm completely with you!)

    Good luck whatever you decide to do!
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    It worked for me. We weren't extremely close, but previously we would ring eachother up to chat about problems and we would help eachother out and stuff. We did know eachother really well for 3 years before we got together. For me it's worked really well because i was so comfortable with him, it was never awkward. I still feel like ihs friend as well as his girlfriend, which is the best way to be IMO.

    I think that it can work really well, but maybe don't jump in at the deep end. Try flirting with her and seeing how she reacts rather than just asking her out straight away which she might find odd when she's not expecting it.

    Good luck if you go for it. Let us know how it goes. xx
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    not if you are really close friends, it could detroy your friendship
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    I suppose it depends really on how well you get along. If my best mate was straight, I'm sure we'd be dating cos we get on that well together that we practically have a one track mind.
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    I couldn't honestly contemplate having it any other way.
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    thanks for all your responces but i think everyone has missed the point. I don't blame you, I didn't make it very clear. Basically i have already asked the girl in question and already got a 'Your too much of a friend' answer (which is a massive shame as i still really like her, ah well :rolleyes: ) I was just wondering if the friends first route is the way to go? I just find it difficult to fancy people i don't know very well. But if the less painful route is to just ask random people who look ok then i will stop trying to be friends first. Just wondering what people think about that issue.

    Is it best to be friends first and then risk the friendship? or to just ask fairly random people and then see later whether you click?
 
 
 
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